Am I normal?

It sounds like that you’re just drowning in your thoughts at the expense of genuine experience and connection. Your last question (the one that was deleted) was about meditation. I would recommend that you go ahead with that and find a way to recognize those moments when you’re just thinking/telling yourself stories. One thing that I have found meditation to be helpful with is opening up the opportunity to see those thoughts start to churn the instant they happen, so it gives me the freedom to drop them if I’d like.

Nobody is normal.

It is OK to be in control of your relationships. No matter how big or small they are. Just because you say yes to a date does not mean you say yes to everything. You have the right to decide on your boundaries. If you do not know them who else will? Perhaps you are a little socially phobic in thinking that everyone is staring at you at this time. If you are a teenager though that kind of thought is common at that age.

It sounds like you could use some self love. You have to like yourself in order for someone else to like you. Practuice standing in front of a mirror and saying, “I am a good person. I like myself.” out loud every day. It will feel awkward and faky at first, but persist.

If you dind yourself thinking, “Why would anyone like me?” list the reasons (preferably out loud) I am pretty. I am smart. I am likable.

Sounds like you do seriously consider your relationships.

You are introspective and this put you in a state of confusion as how to relate to others, especially concerning relationship. The conflict comes because you are willing to give your best, but only within a relationship and what you consider as most important for the now, is not necessarily how others see it.

I am sure you give the impression as one who is naive. You are not, but your confusion will show.

This what you can do to boost your self confidence and help you relate to anybody.

Quit looking for a relationship, you would lose the benefit of being single.
Make no demands on others, and don’t feel obliged to give in to others demands.
Give freely to those who ask as much as you would like to receive for yourself.
If you decide to take a risk, never regret the consequence…otherwise you loose the benefit of the experience.

Do these things and you will be well on your way to being a fine catch, with the benefit of saying so yourself. For after all you are.

Next time you’re asked out, be brave and say “yes, I’d like you to know I like becoming friends first, and see how we get along.”

And I second what @marinelife says- develop some love for yourself, you are worth the love you deserve.

You’re just being neurotic. Everybody does that.

Yea i think it too ! @LornaLove I will try to work on that! :/
@marinelife yea i hate looking in the mirror but you’re right i have to do it and i will :)

Thank you for taking your time to answer me @kess @zenvelo i think you guys are right
I really need to work on myself first before looking or considering being in a relationship because i have so self and trust issues. It’s like i have this echo in my mind that says nobody will ever truly like/love you… :(

@ScottyMcGeester true, to some extent anyway.

I’m sorry for your distress, but I have to say this is a breath of fresh air from those “Friend’s with benefits” questions.

Sometimes we need to work on ourselves and relationships at the same time. I think in your case you might benefit from continuing to try dating experiences and some focused therapy.

The question, “Am I normal?” while common is not really useful. Nobody is normal. The question to ask is, “Am I happy with where I am?”

Props to you for bringing this up!

thanks :) its always easier for me since i don’t know you guys ! @janbb when you talk about therapy, what kind of therapy ? because ive been asking myself if i should do it but its really hard for me to speak out loud about my feelings :S

Well, if you feel your problems are deep-seated, which they probably are if your self-esteem is so low, probably talk therapy with an affirming and reactive therapist would be best. Many people these days recommend CBT which is another kind of focused therapy that involving examining misguided thoughts and assignments to change the unsatisfying behaviors they engender. My personal feeling is that it is less the modality than the feeling of trust and confidence you develop with your therapist and their competence. You might have to try a few before finding one you like. And yes, it is not easy to start talking but one has to learn how to be successful in relationship.

Consider you may need to get over a fear of falling. Take up skateboarding. You’ll get over that fear real fast… Because you will learn to fall gracefully.

Ha, you remind me of me! You need to acquire the ‘This is who I am, like it or leave it.’ attitude towards the opposite sex. You are in control, empower yourself!!

Also, if you work on yourself now, instead of focusing on a relationship or the lack thereof, when you do meet someone, you will be mentally and emotionally prepared for the ‘work’ that a relationship requires. Two whole people joining together as one is the goal to form a healthy relationship, so just work on yourself for a little while! :()

Sounds like self esteem issues. I agree with @janbb about the therapy recommendation.

I don’t relate to feeling like everyone is watching me or my SO and me, I never felt that way. Why do you think they are watching? Do you worry you don’t look good? Or, people are judging your choice in who you date? I’m just guessing, I have no idea what you are thinking.

Also, is there a specific reason why you are very worried about being physical with a man, including kissing? Don’t get me wrong, I personally don’t like when a man wants to kiss on the first date, I think that should wait until the second.

@janbb Thank you i will look into it :)

@KNOWITALL haha are you still like that or no ? thank you for the words i will do everything to work on myselft! :)

yea unfortunately _ @JLeslie I don’t know but I’ve always had a problem about people watching me and stuff I don’t like to be put on the spotlight… I’ve been made fun of when I was in high school for my appearance and its hard because even tho i look good now (my cousins say that i look the same as in high school but im complete women now), I still carry the emotions of the past I guess and think of myself as ugly.. :s I don’t know if you guys understand… so its hard for me to look in the mirror and like what i see since threw-out my whole high-school I’ve been made fun of so it puts you down..And after high-school you waste years trying to rebuilt everything up! (4years later now) I feel like I did some good work on myself (esteem, speak a little more of my feelings) but there’s still a lot to work on.

About being physical, I just don’t want to do it with any guys who will disappear right after and then with another one you know

@Mp123 You say you are 20? Or, is that a typo?

Everything you wrote I think can be helped by a good therapist who you have good rapport with.

I am not encouraging you to be physical before you are ready, you should follow what feels right to you. There are guys out there who aren’t going to pressure you to be ohysical very fast.

Did something bad happen with some guy where he did something you didn’t want him to?

@JLeslie yes im 20years old, No nothing bad happened but i dont want to give myself to just anyone then see they weren’t the one. Like some girls just have sex with plenty guys but i don’t want to be that girl…

@Mp123 There’s a long way between kising and giving your self to someone and you are in charge of the process at every step. Maybe that is an issue to look at.

Yeah, I am confused. I thought we were talking about kissing.

Define normal.

@JLeslie loll srry, im talking about both

@Mp123 There are many bease in between one and the other and as I said above, intercourse does not have to follow from merely kissing.

You are not confidence in yourself.
But it is normal that when you find someone has feelings on you, you want to act better and make things in a better condition.
But you do remember, people like you just because you are being you, so have confidence and act as usual, everything would be fine.

Okay thank you :) @thert1946 I know that’s what I have to do in order to feel better in my own skin I just have to stop over thinking-_-

@Lightlyseared I wouldn’t be able to answer you because I don’t even know what normal feels like. I guess it’s when somebody acts completely themselves. What do you think?