Has anyone read the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"?

I read it years ago (and long before the current hypersensitivity in which “I don’t agree with you” translates to “You’ve offended me”).

I didn’t read it expecting it to mirror the thoughts I already had. That would have been a waste of reading time. I read it expecting to learn something and/or take the opportunity to understand a different point of view. Both of those things happened.

IT was written by a man, direct to women. That should tell you enough.

When it first came out,it was like “this is how men are, and women are the ones upset, so women have to change.”

I skimmed it a long time ago and I remember it as being more about trying to understanding the different sexes rather than what they are supposed to do. It’s not like all men or all women fit a specific mold, it is just generalizations to consider. Some of what I read held true for me in my relationship with my husband. I definitely need to vent more and talk more in general than my husband. That is a typical girl guy things. He says he is going to invent a wordometer and when I get to 10,000 a day I have to stop. LOL. That book is more in fun than serious in my opinion.

no i agree about the general issues of men and women being different and how women need to talk more. I have seen the same in my own relationship. The issues I have as I delve further into the book are the solutions he gives to the differences….....It seems to be very one sided

@zenvelo yeah that’s the vibe I’m getting

No and I would never read it.

If you’re interested in some insight into conversational communication between men and women, I’d suggest Deborah Tannen’s You Just Don’t Understand. Originally published in 1990, it might seem a bit dated too, but I found it very much more helpful than the title you cited, which struck me as pretty thin.

Some twenty years later, the main idea that I’ve retained from the John Gray book (Men Are from Mars…) is that men seek power so they can get women. That continues not to be news. Deborah Tannen’s work, though (the book I cited and others), gave me some very useful concepts and models that still help me work through or avoid conversational difficulties.

I do not read books with nonsensical titles.

@ragingloli Really? Not even things like “So Long and Thanks for all the Fish”?

Like most of that ilk, there may a minor point or two that you can take away from it. But yes, it’s sexist. When I read it, I was the “man” and my husband was the “woman”, according to the author.

I’ve read the book and I’ve also heard Gray speak. The company I worked for hired him as a consultant and had him give us a lecture once. His book is too simplistic. There are many different kinds of people.
It goes to show that if you want to write a book and make a lot of money, a key trick is to come up with a catchy title. “Rich Dad, Poor Dad” also comes to mind.
I agree with @Jeruba, Tannen’s book is much better.

Both men and women are from earth and of the same species. The book is a bastardization of real work done in evolutionary biology and is sensationalized, plus, generally inaccurate.

That said, there are variances between men and women and misusing a term like ” sexists ” is not going to change that.

Skimmed it. <yawn>

It’s a generalization of both sexes. Generalizations do not relate well to real life.

I have not read the book but I thought the movie was fantastic.

lynn redgrave was outstanding

Ya right, I would never read that book.. I hate books like that and also Steve Harvey’s Think Like a Man, Act Like a Woman.

If he behaves in a way that embarrasses you, wait for a time when no one else is around and then share your feelings. Donʹt ten him how he “should behaveʺ or that he is wrong; instead share honest feelings in a loving and brief way. You could say “The other night at the party, I didn’t like it when you were so loud. When I’m around, would you try to keep it down?ʺ If he gets upset and doesn’ʹt like this comment, then simply apologize for being critical.

Are you serious? Because he could have been verbally abusive (i.e.‘loud’).. and in that case, instead of ‘waiting until you get home,’ you should immediately proceed to spill an alcoholic drink on his face.

Lol @ Tannen: It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that women and men are different in conversation. That’s why I’d go crazy if I didn’t have my girlfriends to talk to, and why on occasion I respectfully have to choose them over him.

There are so many books about so many different topics out there that one can never even come close to reading them all. I find that it’s important to choose which books to read. Generally I’ve found most dating and gender/sex advice tends to come from either selfish women who have very high masculine expectations of men, or from men with an authoritarian mindset. I usually avoid books that tell me that I should think differently because of what sex I was born as. It angers me when authoritarian men act like they’re speaking for me (a guy), when they clearly aren’t.

”If he behaves in a way that embarrasses you, wait for a time when no one else is around and then share your feelings. Donʹt ten him how he “should behaveʺ or that he is wrong; instead share honest feelings in a loving and brief way. You could say “The other night at the party, I didn’t like it when you were so loud. When I’m around, would you try to keep it down?ʺ If he gets upset and doesn’ʹt like this comment, then simply apologize for being critical.”
That is just disgusting.
You know, I am normally against Genocide, but for this kind of men I would make an exception.

An example of what I found helpful occurs early in Tannen’s book. (This is the way I recollect it after many years; it’s probably an imperfect rendition.) A couple are returning home after an event, and she says “Do you want to stop for a drink?” He says “No.” She goes silent. At some point he realizes she’s miffed, and he has not the slightest idea why.

My husband and I used to do this sort of thing all the time.

Note that this could be any two people, same roles, opposite roles, same sex, opposite sex. The point is that they are construing the exchange differently: she thinks she’s issuing an invitation—opening a negotiation: “I’d like to have a drink with you. Could we stop somewhere?” He has just turned her down, rejected a social overture, and pretty brusquely and dismissively at that.

But all he’s heard is a request for information: “Please consult your inner state and see if there exists a desire for a drink.” He obliges, finds that there’s no previously existing desire for a drink, and answers accordingly.

So what’s she mad about? Hasn’t he just done what she asked?

That illustration alone helped my husband to learn to recognize when I was expressing a desire for his company in a sociable way—and helped me to be much more explicit about my requests. At the very least, we both became aware of implicit messages and assumptions. We learned to be better about looking for the source of misunderstandings and leaving a whole lot less to guesswork and mind-reading.

Some of it. Right up to the part where my ex-husband threw it off the third story balcony.

@Supacase LOL.

@JLeslie. It’s one of the best laughs we have together now when talk about the old days. Young love drama!

Personality style/type, mental and emotional health and unresolved baggage have much more to do with how both men and women relate that the Mars/Venus BS IMO.
It just reinforces sex roles if you ask me.
Yes, I read it years ago and found it infantilizing to men and women both.
It does not address the myriad potential issues such as passive aggressive behaviors and chauvinistic crap that plague a lot of males.

Let him go to his cave…..most men that go to their caves go there to give you the silent treatment and pout in a passive aggressive manner. Pffft…..cave my ass, you can go to hell, here let me help you pack. lolol

@Jeruba I think that’s true, LOL. I’ve had the same thing happen to me! Maybe instead of ‘would you like to go for a drink’ the lady could say ‘I’d like to invite you for a drink now.’ From what I know about men though too it could be that he doesn’t feel like more socializing after a social event. Men socialize differently from women. Women love to sit down and talk, share feelings, exchange ideas. It’s what we live for! Men don’t see socializing in the same way.. they see it as a game they have to play, something to endure.

So MORE talking—more socializing after an event—may be draining for him. He wants to go home where he doesn’t have to feel threatened by the dangers of being forced to divulge vulnerable information about himself.

@Coloma The book hints at very subtle chauvinistic ideas, like the idea that men like to be left alone but also taken care of (in a ‘wifey’ sort of way), which isn’t necessarily untrue but let’s face it—- we ladies like to be taken care of in that way, too.. it reinforces gender expectations that aren’t exactly feasible for women in the current day and age.

Similarly, the book might say that women look for a ‘strong provider.’ Although this may be true to some extent, women tend usually just to look for someone who will be supportive, who will love and understand them (and any sort of gender norm expectations can work themselves out when they do). I think that this point should be introduced for both men and women.. especially because if you look at real men and women, they do not have many of the gender expectations we think they do.

@sparrowfeed I agree and welcome to Fluther!

@sparrowfeed,

> Women love to sit down and talk, share feelings, exchange ideas. It’s what we live for!

That’s exactly the kind of generalization that drives me nuts (right along with remarks about shopping, which I hate). You sure aren’t describing me. I think what you’re describing are extroverted women. Not too surprisingly, the other half of the female population is less noticeable. My husband and I both regard social events as tests of endurance, and the only difference is how much grace we manage to muster while getting through them.

It’s not about divulging personal information. It’s about spending huge quantities of energy on interacting and sustaining a sociable demeanor. Remember that extroverts recharge their batteries by socializing, and introverts drain them and need alone time to recover.