Should I be concerned that my grandmother sent me a birthday card (my birthday is almost 5 months away)?

Keep it in mind. If she makes several mistakes like this in a row, then it was a sign. But one goof doesn’t really tell you anything. The mind is a bit like a piece of fabric. If you find one loose thread it might not mean anything. But several loose threads may mean its unravelling.

I would call her if you are close to her. Tell you are grateful for the card but confused since your birthday isn’t until December. You might be able to learn from her reaction a bit more about how the mistake came about and what her mental state is.

Hey , it could be worse. My mom was going blind and sent a sympathy card instead of a birthday card to one of my nieces. My mom never had any kind of dementia.

@janbb – While not very close, I just spoke with her 2 weeks ago, and we are trying to find a time soon to get together. I think I’m nervous about telling her about it because it does seem like the response might be revealing. You’re right though. I should just do it.

It may be revealing and it may not be. If she’s slipping and very smart, she could cover for her mistakes for a long time—laughing it off as no big deal. If she’s not slipping but getting paranoid about it, she may overreact and get upset.

I really think that this is one of those things that you just have to collect a bunch of little things rather than just one thing. Everyone can make a mistake or forget something. It is too hard to judge one incident.

My stepdad has a way of remembering everyone’s birthday with a card. He has a packet for every month and then sends everyone a card for their birthday that month. If your card slipped into the wrong month, she could have accidentally sent it without thinking.

@keobooks Yes, but I still think it’s worth doing some tactful sleuthing if @tom_g is concerned.

Could you ask her kids? Perhaps they have some insight.

Maybe she sent a whole year’s worth out at once. Maybe she’s afraid that she’ll pass or become incapacitated between now and the end of the year.

Does she live alone?

I guess I’m just thinking of my grandmother’s journey through dementia. The first sign I remember of a slip was that we were in Steak and Shake and she ordered a lime freeze, which they hadn’t served for 30 years. She got an orange freeze instead. Then the next time we went to the same restaurant, she ordered the lime freeze again.

At the time, I was concerned, but nobody would listen to me. It wasn’t until she kept making these tiny mistakes over and over that anyone took me seriously. Also, in the first few years she was slipping, she was still pretty independent for a long time.

She’s still very active. She is very active in the church, still travels, and many people think she younger than she is.

@Cupcake – She did live alone for a few years. However, my cousin is currently staying with her. Maybe his presence is throwing off her whole balance in life. I should talk to my father or my uncle and just mention it. They see her more frequently and would be better able to put the event in context.

@keobooks and @janbb – I will admit that I am weak and pathetic when it comes to illness and death of loved ones. The thought of it makes me a bit nauseous. So, I’m not sure when it’s my own shit that making this a bigger deal than it is – or if ignoring it as something simple would be a selfish act on my part. Good advice though. Thanks.

@tom_g I think context is important here.

She sounds like a neat lady.

I would be a little worried, I think. Something to keep an eye on, and mention to your father so he can keep an eye on it, too. It could easily just be a regular old slip-up, of course. But having it on the radar is a good idea, just in case. Sounds like your wonderful grandmother has a wonderful grandson. :)

I would not mention the card myself. I would just enjoy my time with her and keep it to yourself. You never know, she may bring it up herself and give you a reason for her early card.

If after your time with her you are still concerned, mention it to the relatives that are closer and let so they know that there may be something to be watching for.

I would just say, hey grandma, I really appreciated the birthday card. I hope you didn’t get mixed up and not send one to one of my cousins a card because mine isn’t until December. Give her plenty of room and grace to laugh at herself. I know that if I had made that mistake I would want to know!
If she sent you a check I might joke around and say, am I getting TWO checks this year?

Yes, please be concerned and watch for additional signs of confusion, but try not to worry too much or too soon.

Everyone’s forgetful. A healthy 25-year-old will misplace his keys, be unable to remember somebody’s name, or forget to pay the electric bill. This is all normal.

The difference between typical absent-mindedness and early dementia is what comes after the incident.

If you can’t find your keys, you’ll retrace your steps, recall where you’ve been, and find them. A dementia patient might deny ever having had keys, or perhaps have left them in a very odd place (e.g. the refrigerator or dishwasher). If you make plans with a friend, forget, and stand-up the person, you’ll feel silly and embarrassed later. Someone with dementia, however, is unable to remember the appointment at all.

If you really need to worry about your grandmother, you’ll see a pattern emerge. Her slips will become more frequent, and she’ll be increasingly unable to explain them.

Does anyone else in your family have a birthday round this time that she could have meant to send it to? That’s the first thing I would be thinking before worrying about anything more sinister.

^^^ That’s what I was thinking. How many grandkids does she have?

It sounds to me like she put your address on someone else’s card by mistake. Ask her about it.