Why do some people have such a hard time putting things away in the same place every time?

I wish I had an answer, as my roommate is always doing that. It really frustrates me sometimes. She keeps condiments in her room. Those go in the fridge. Then I look for them…where are they? Things like scissors, I still can’t find em, so I’m forced to use my hair cutting scissors when I need to cut something. Every object is always lying around in some random place…it’s annoying, and I have no answer.
She’s just generally messy though, and she says she enjoys messiness because in her head and job, there is too much order. Some kinda psychological compensation/balance thing? This is her explanation, anyway.

What I appreciate is that she doesn’t touch my things. But for things we both use, forget that. I’m not even making this up, sometimes I can’t even find the phone.

I have found that there are those people who have places they put everything. They crave order and there is something satisfying about seeing go where it is “supposed to go”. They know that when they need it, they won’t have to think about it – it’s just exactly where it’s supposed to be.

Then there are those that appear to be living in chaos. Nothing has a permanent home. And it presents as pure chaos. However, to this person, this chaos is their system. They know where things are because they have a brain that works that way. If the little shelf thingy doesn’t have a enough room to put the keys, then they will obviously go on the bathroom sink, unless it’s wet, which would mean it’s under the third couch cushion, etc. They can find it. But nobody else can.

To me, these ways of living seem to be a window into how our minds work. I happen to be the “everything has a place” type of neurotic person who craves order and simplicity. If my wife was the opposite, we’d be tripping each other up. Fortunately, we’re both the same. We’ll argue about where the “right place” for something is, but once we’ve agreed on it, it’s there for the long run.

Note: In my experience, there is a third type. This person presents as a chaotic mess, and it truly is. They have no idea where they put anything. I generally have a difficult time getting along with someone like this.

@tom_g Note: In my experience, there is a third type. This person presents as a chaotic mess, and it truly is. They have no idea where they put anything. I generally have a difficult time getting along with someone like this.

And that’s my roomate right there. She can never find her own shit, ever. The scissors I say I can’t find, it’s because she can’t remember where she put them. I know I didn’t lose em because I always put everything back in its place. She’s like a squirrel who buries nuts, then forgets where she stashed em.

My boyfriend is just like this. If he brings something down from upstairs, he will put ‘back’ on the stairs ready to go up. Like he can’t quite manage to go all the way. Once, all the teaspoons went missing, I found them all in certain containers in the cupboards. When he gets in from work, he will take his shoes off and leave them at the door, and then I pick them up and put them where they live!

Our minds are always on to the next thing.
Is that my underwear in the middle of the floor? I don’t recall, I was headed for bed.
I was starving when I came home and opened the refrigerator. I needed two hands to pull out the leftover casserole. That’s why my keys were in there next to the milk.
The phone rang and my friend needed my undivided attention. That’s why I dropped the vacuum in the middle of the bedroom floor and forgot about it.
Do you want more?
—I hope you’ll still be my friend @tom_g

@tom_g Thank you for your thoughts. However, I don’t necessarily “crave” order. I just want the shit put where I can find it again. Not only that, much of the time my husband can’t remember where he put it! If you’re dealing with your own personal stuff have at it (you should see his office!) but when you are dealing with shared items, it’s just wrong, IMO. I’ve taken to hiding my own box of tools because my box is the only complete one….but if he gets a hold of it all kinds of tools and drivers and stuff will just disappear, perhaps to be found three years later on the garage floor under all the shit he hordes in there

@Judi It’s hard to lose a vacuum! (But trust me, I’ve had to hunt for that too.)

I have a short hallway between the kitchen and the dining room. I try to keep it clear, with, perhaps a couple of extra chairs against the wall. Rick thinks it’s another place to stash stuff. It’s one of the first things you see when you walk in the house. :(

@Dutchess_III.,people like me need people like you in our lives.

LOL! I just slap you! Dat will fits you!

AHHHHH!!!! RICK!!! TAKE THAT DAMN TABLE UPSTAIRS! He works out of an office upstairs. Long ago I told him that if he buys any more furniture at auction, he has to keep it in his office because or house has all the furniture it can hold and still look nice. So I put this little Mexican table he bought at auction that we have absolutely NO use for, and put it by the stairs almost directly in front of the stairs. You have to almost climb over it to get to the stairs, and he’s GONE RIGHT PAST IT 4 TIMES SO FAR!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@Dutchess_III He probably thinks you like it there. I could do something like that and it would never get moved. They think because we put it there, then we either like it there, or we will move it when we are ready. I feel your frustration.

@Headhurts Except for the fact I’d ASKED him to take it upstairs!

I guess it’s possible he thinks right in front of the stairs is a logical spot for a table!

I have had a similar issue with my family. I asked one of the boys to bring my coffee, which I had left on the counter. He said he couldn’t find it so I went in and pointed it out to him. He said “Oh, I guess I should have turned my eyes on.”

Bahaha, my husband does the same thing. Even when he’s standing one foot away from where the “thing” belongs. If he cooks Sunday breakfast, he never puts the pepper back, even though the spice cabinet is right next to his head. Drives me nuts! I’m beginning to wonder if he does it on purpose…

My theory is that unorganized people don’t care as much about it.

I think you are talking about me. I don’t know why. It may be my being constantly distracted and failure to follow things through. It may be attention deficit disorder. I like things neat, but I guess I am not totally committed to seeing that things stay that way. I don’t, for example, make decisions that this particular thing belongs in that particular place. I’m better about stuff in my kitchen. Things have places they belong. Why don’t I follow through with putting things away? I’m not really sure. That action just doesn’t seem to have much priority. Something else grabs my attention.

It’s just…do it at that moment. I think Rick always says, to himself, “I’ll do it later,” or “I’ll do it next time.” I learned early, early, in my 20’s that I would forget. I forced myself then to do it at that moment. But he still does it.

If it’s really something to do later I place some big, huge reminder in my way….like, a table square in front of the stairs so I can’t possibly forget. Or something huge sticking out of my purse so I remember the next day not to forget whatever.

My wife is like that. Disorganized and discombobulated. Never puts things back, always losing things, has no idea where anything is most of the time.

It drives me nuts because it wastes time and is inefficient.

As @tranquilsea surmises, she simply does not care about such things and, to @Judi‘s point, her mind is always on to the next thing.

But it’s true, unorganized folks need organized folks. My daughter will be looking for something and my wife will respond with, “Um…ah, I think it’s..ah, no. Hmm?”

I’ll give her a minute and say, “Pantry cabinet, third shelf down, left-hand side”.

Our brains just work differently.

It works out in interesting ways sometimes. We live on a large corner lot, lots of trees. I’m the one who rakes the leaves every year. It’s butt busting work, getting them sacked up etc. Well, last year I was sick, so Rick did it….but he just piled the leaves against the fence planning to haul them off later (LATER NEVER, ever, EVER, EVER, EVER COMES!!!) . I had to redo it all this spring.
However, he also piled some around the base of a tree, Well, lo…those leaves are now dirt and the trees all need some dirt around the base and out into the yard because their roots are showing. So this year I shall be raking leaves around the base of the trees! I’ll probably put something, burlap or something, on them until they compost.

Update: He moved the table about 5 feet away from the stairs because it was in his way when he went up stairs. I moved it back to the stairs and hollered up stairs, “Next time you go up would you take this table up with you?”
He couldn’t hear me so he came all the way downstairs and to the back porch to say “What?” I told him, then said, for about the 5th time, “When you come back down would you please bring down one of the dining room chairs with you.” He got a little huffy because he HEARD me the first time I said it (last Wednesday and every day since) and kind of snapped “YES!!” His tone of voice was like, “I said I would!”
Now, if it was me, the first thing I’d do when I went up stairs is to get one of the chairs and put it in front of my office door SO I WOULDN’T FORGET AGAIN!!!

What was that thing on FB…“When a man says he’s going to do something he’ll do it! No need to remind him every 6 months!”

I think, in his case, it’s a passive aggressive thing. I figure if I make it more of a hassle for him than for me, maybe someday he’ll quit.

@Judi Nailed it. I’m often like this too. Having said that, I have days where I clean and organize like crazy. In my mind, I would really love to have everything organized to a ridiculous degree of perfection, with the pantry organized like a library, all of the labels facing the same direction, etc. but it takes so much energy to maintain this constantly that often its completely disorganized.

Other problems are that there isn’t currently a place for something yet because it’s dependent on a project. For example, I have a bunch of disorganized tools in a room that shouldn’t really be for that. I’m planning on building a tool shed to put them in, where I can give each tool a home (with a label), but the shed can’t be built the ground is leveled and the patio is built where the shed will sit. Additionally, I’m in the process of building a fence, and that really needs to be finished before the patio/shed project. So my tools are rather chaotically disorganized in a room not really meant for tools, until I can complete all of these other projects first.

I have a similar problem with stuff that needs to get stored in the attic, but there are no built-in shelves to keep everything, and they can’t go on the floor because it will compact the mounds of insulation.

Rick does the same thing….total chaos, then a sudden massive, uber-detailed clean.

I honestly think he’s more naturally organized than I am, he just doesn’t take the few seconds to follow up on it all the time.

NEWSFLASH! Not long after I made my last post he took the table up stairs! AND brought down the chair I’d been asking him to bring down since last week. Whew. On to the next stupid battle.

WHERE THE HELL IS THE FIRE PLACE SHOVEL????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

^^ I’m guessing “next to the fireplace” is not the answer?

It is not the answer @cookieman. We have a stand with pokers and clappers and fireplace tool stuffs, but there is one empty slot. It’s OK. I used a big stirring spoon. It took a little longer than a shovel, but it worked. And tomorrow I shall cook a nice soup for Rick. One that needs a lot of stirring.

I FOUND THE FIRE PLACE SHOVEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

^^YAY

It was under the kitchen sink. Of course. How silly of me not to look there first.