Why do some men have a tough time taking lesbians seriously?
This is from experience, and I am not meaning to generalize, but I have found this to be the case a lot of times.
Some men who talk to my partner or I (a lesbian couple), seem to think we aren’t serious in our relationship. Or we are putting it on for their benefit.
It has been suggested to us frequently that we are “missing out” on male anatomy and it had even been asked more than once if our sexuality is a result of sexual abuse. That was very insulting and suggestive that there had to be a bad reason why we’re lesbians.
The result is that we are still loving and affectionate in public, but we deliberately tone it down.
I just wondered if anyone has thoughts as to why that happens?
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Because some men are assholes. Don’t tone anything down for those morons. They’ve been watching too much porn, it seems.
Unfortunately, gay women have to put up with this bullshit, and it’s partly because certain straight women give the impression that one can be a lesbian one week and straight the next. Silly little college girls that make out with other girls when they’re drunk, partly for the benefit of the guys there, but are actually straight.
But my guess is that these guys are simply dicks. Feel free to put them in their place.
It may be the type of people and/or places where you are hanging out or hanging with. I can’t imagine that kind of discussion taking place among strangers let alone with friends.
I agree with @bkcunningham, at least in my neck of the woods lesbians don’t get that kind of response. I think it is you are running into a lot of assholes that are too focused on their own penis.
More surprising to me is I know too many lesbians that are in committed relationships that actually feel too bound together by our peer group. I know women that feel like they have to live up to some ideal of a commitment without recognizing that all couples can have problems.
It’s an ego thing and they aren’t comfortable in their own sexuality. Some guys see two women who could care less about his dick and it gets to him and he can’t take them for the real people that they are. Kind of similar to guys that are threatened by gay men. They can’t handle the concept that some people won’t be attracted to them.
Because some men are fucking stupid, same as some women who claim “Why are all the good looking guys gay?”
Wow, I’m trying so hard not to male bash. So I’ll just say that people are stupid (no gender identification necessary). And I would inevitably say something like “If you believe being gay is a choice, you’ve just made me a life-long lesbian.” I wouldn’t be able to help myself.
@bkcunningham thanks for your response! I can’t believe it myself either. I can assure you that I don’t hang around in dodgy dens of inequity, just regular bars, restaurants, coffee shops etc. Granted, these sort of responses would be much more prevalent around alcohol, but I would rather avoid it and not invite it!
Lesbians are not truly into only women. If they were, they wouldn’t use penis shaped objects to sexually satisfy themselves.
@flip86 You might think about editing that while you have a chance.
@flip86 – not sure of your assertion. Lesbians have womens’ bodies that still have all the openings shaped in the same way. If they want stimulation, they need to use devices that will stimulate those openings and organs.
Not all cylindrical objects are penises. They use the tool that does the job. That doesn’t mean the are aching for a man, it means they are aching for stimulation.
Aaaaaand leave it to a guy like you, @flip86, to think his penis alone is all it takes to satisfy a woman.
@flip86 I can assure you that I am only into woman, and may I just say that a LOT of women are not into the sex toys you describe.
That is the sort of attitude I was talking about in my question!
@spiritual I couldn’t help myself. This question was begging for the response I gave. Somebody has to be the bad guy, right?
@Mama_Cakes Thanks. It isn’t a tough concept to grasp but some guys can’t handle it. There are some people out there that aren’t interested in me at all sexually. But that doesn’t mean I going to pass on having a great friendship with them. Everyone brings something great into my life. It doesn’t have to be sexual to be real.
Well, a good portion of the women I find I’m really attracted to end up being lesbians. Tomboyish girls are just more fun to be around because there are a lot of common interests and they also tend to think in more familiar ways. Not that all lesbians are tomboys… I’m guessing that many are just jealous. The others are just simple homophobic douche bags. The other dynamic is that depending where they grow up many will have suffered through a large amount of bad attitudes and end up distancing themselves from men instead of befriending them. This causes men in general to believe that they are hated by them.
Oh, the almighty penis.
(My toys don’t happen to involve insertion.)
@flip86‘s comment is really bugging me. Isn’t that how some rapists think? “You know you want me!”
@Dutchess_III I was just being an asshole for the sake of it. I never insinuated that anyone wants me. I simply pointed out that lesbians use phallic objects to pleasure themselves.
By seeing your pictures one is lead to the obvious conclusion.
What is strange to me and other men is that you women do not seem to have a clue as to your objective attractiveness.
It is that simple. You are attractive and men want you. Men have been know to go through even greater machinations to reach their sexual goals than described here.
I am seeing a lot of the other answers here are as confused as your question.
Yes, @flip86 I see that, which is why you like picturing your self with a phallic object in your mouth. Just itchin’ to suck on a big one.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
@Neodarwinian You misread. You and @flip86 are the only confused ones.
I’m not a lesbian, but I am a woman. We don’t see ourselves the same way men do. What is strange to me is how clueless men can be when it comes to women. They can’t fathom how a woman could not want them as much as they want her. It also floors me how a just a non-committal smile can have the impact it does on men.
@flip86 I do not use phallic items, as mentioned above. Many women do not.
Not because of trauma or abuse or man-hating; it’s because the clitoris is a wonderful thing. If far outranks penetration for pleasure, for me.
@syz, thank you for your directness. Regarding sexual satisfaction, if we had to give up one or the other, I’d give up my vagina!
@Dutchess_III I’m not confused. I admit that I was trying to stir up shit. Does that make me a troll? Maybe. I have tried to avoid doing this on this site(which is why I answer as few questions as possible)but occasionally, like I said above, I can’t help myself. If the moderators want to delete my answers. I’m fine with that.
Nobody’s going to delete your answer. I seriously doubt anyone will flag your answer. And I’m glad to hear you were just joking. However, too many men out there actually believe that exact brainless kind of thing.
@flip86 Off the topic, but this question is in General. We don’t screw around in General. If it was in Social, okay.
Uh, @flip86, just to engage with you here as if you were serious about your first comment: How would you or I know what lesbians do during sex play? Just because you may have seen a photo or a few dozen or dozen million on the internet doesn’t mean “this is how lesbians are”.
Well clearly because they’ve never been fucked right by a real man~
In short, people are fucking stupid.
Because girl on girl, to most men, is a major turn on and they can’t get past it to see reality.
They think their disco stick is hard to live without, too. hahahahaha!
Ego. They can’t fathom how anyone could truly not desire the almighty penis.
I know @flip86 was joking, but I’ll bet there are men out there (and probably women) who actually believe that. No one wants to bring it up, even playing devil’s advocate, because it is so offensive.
@Supacase Shoot, a lot of women think their stuff is lined with gold, too!
I know what you mean. I worked with this “meat head” who was always into the idea that he wasn’t too convinced that a pretty co worker single lesbian was pure on lesbian. He’d always joke about how he was going to convert her and test the waters. The guy was a pure meat head, knuckle head.
Why narrow it down to lesbians? Some men have trouble taking any woman seriously regardless of her sexual orientation. Most of those men have the same attitude as that mentioned by @_Whitetigress.
@ Dutchess_III
Who are you and what are you talking about?
You are not the questioner, so spare me your confused ramblings.
I am Dutchess. You said, “I am seeing a lot of the other answers here are as confused as your question.” No one else is confused.
The blame is likely with the hedonistic nature of a great deal of media or entertainment outlets, which of course are usually dominated by men. I’m sure that egocentrism on the part of men may be a factor too, though there are many straight women that I knew who didn’t believe that lesbians really were serious either. I’m sure gay guys go through the same thing from knowing a few of them.
Another thing I hear from my straight friends is that lesbian drama makes them not take lesbians very seriously, that’s all I got. I have to admit that sometimes it seems true.
@Mama_Cakes ‘My girl just called the cops on me because we were fighting’, a week later they’re back together. That kind of thing.
I try not to take myself seriously, why expect me to take anyone else any differently?
@KNOWITALL Is behavior like that specific to lesbians? I know way more straight people with that type of relationship than gay people. People still take straight people seriously despite it.
@KNOWITALL That doesn’t happen ‘round here. Perhaps, it’s your hood?
Just sayin’, it’s sounds like an episode of Jerry Springer. :) I don’t see that around here.
Maybe I misunderstood @KNOWITALL. That happens a LOT in a lot of relationships.
@livelaughlove21 I don’t know, maybe it is my area, but there is tons of hilarious drama in the gay and lesbian relationships around here. They openly admit it’s true, I’m not insulting anyone people, chillax.
“This is from experience, and I am not meaning to generalize, but I have found this to be the case a lot of times.”
I think that could be the answer to your question. I’ll explain:
People speak from their personal experience. If someone thinks you might be doing it for the benefit of heterosexual males, it may be that they’ve experienced or witnessed such a thing in the past with another couple who you remind them of. It might be that the only cases of lesbianism the asker was familar with in the past was a case somewhat born out of an abusive situation. And it’s appropriate that the inquisitive mind would want to know if there is a pattern to be aware of.
I mean, go ahead and Inform them of the opposite! But the next time they meet a lesbian couple, they might prejudice them and assume that their nature has nothing to do with abuse or heterosexual interests.. and they might be wrong that time too!
lol, there just isn’t always a pattern in life. Many people get into many things and become many different types of people for many many different reasons. It’s fun to try to find patterns but they don’t always exist and it can be pretty embarrassing to be wrong. Go easy on them and make a good impression, you may be their first introduction to your form of lesbianism.
I think some men can’t understand that anyone in the world would not be attracted to them. He’s been enjoying his penis since he figured out what it was for. Why shouldn’t you?
There is too much lesbian porn staged to turn on the male fantasy and also straight women like to play into that fantasy for men. They get confused you know.
No, the answer isn’t there LL. It’s guys and girls have to understand sexuality and where it comes from. Porn isn’t the answer. I’m not trying to be harsh. I like your answers. I just disagree with this one.
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