Is a person's name important?

I think we can try, as parents, but the person’s name is theirs. They are free to change it, I changed mine. I always had the names Alexey and Arkadiy in mind and I used them for my first two children. Now that I’m pregnant with a third, I went through an insane process trying to pick one that sounds right in my head. This kid is getting my last name, so I wanted something that sounded all right together and I wanted something that sounded open aka had a lot of vowels. I was upset for some weeks because nothing fit and I wanted it to be pronounce-able in Russian, as well. Anyway, I’m glad I found something now. I hope he likes it when he grows up.

Yes. I’m not going to expound on that because I can’t figure out how to say it without sounding racist. (I’m struggling here. I would like to think that I am not racist, but I find I can’t make a valid argument without race being at least peripherally involved. Now I’m having a bit of a crisis.)

I agree… A name often defines a person or at least how the person is perceived. I don’t know many tomboys named Crystal…

I was very careful choosing names for my kids too- they had to sound right, have meaning, and not be in the top 50 baby names list. No Madison, Emily, Emma or McKenzie for my daughter. Not that they’re bad names, I just wanted something unique without being too off the wall. I knew people would make assumptions about her based on her name and considered that as well. We went through 50+ girls names—the short list included Ralena and Zoey, then we waited until she was born to see which name seemed to fit her best.

I do agree—name choosing shouldn’t be taken lightly.

Yes and no. There have been studies that show having a black name can put you in the bottom of the resume pile when a company is looking for an employee.

I think we are somewhat born with our personalities, and some kids embrace their unusual names, while others have a hard time handeling the mispronounciations or questions about it.

I knew a woman who gave all her girls names that can be male also so when they apply for jobs the employer might assume they are male.

But, overall I don’t think we are judged by our name or predestined in some way to be on some path because of our name.

@JLeslie You should probably put ‘black name’ in quotes as that’s not a thing, it’s an assumption people make, very regional

Names are definitely important. I can’t stand all these “unique,” trendy names and/or spellings, to be honest. Yeah, you think it’s cute, but Maeby and Zelig are going to be adults one day and it may not be so adorable then. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with picking a popular, common name that people can actually pronounce and spell. I’ve never hated my name for being common, and not many people my age have these outlandish names like kids do now. Allison, Joshua, and Mackenzie may not be super unique, but they’re names you can live with forever. No one will wonder what James’ parents were thinking when they named him. No one will ask Stacy how she pronounces her name. No one will ask Jacob, “and how do you spell that?”

I think it’s important to pick a strong, solid name for the child, not for yourself.

@linguaphile “I don’t know many tomboys named Crystal…”

I know two. I’ve actually never net any Crystal I’d call a “girly girl.”

@Simone_De_Beauvoir I don’t disagree, but to further clarify, there are names that are fairly exclusively “black names” and other names that black people eventually start naming their children in larger numbers. For instance Laquisha probably is not used in any other communities. But, also names go through life cycles often starting in the white community and then eventually making it’s way to other communities. Also, some unusual names that black people tend to use are not what I would consider a “black” name. Like the name Obama, and a black friend of mine named her son Sidel, which I think is from an African name. I think it has a lot to do with social class, not just race. I just mean in terms of what names feel confortable to someone in a community. I assum you acknowledge there are trends with names among different groups.

I love unique names, but they can’t be too far out there, like Kim and Kanye’s baby, otherwise it gets too weird. So yes, they’re important, but as @Simone_De_Beauvoir says, we can change them later.

It sure is important to the bank, if you’re writing or cashing checks!

@JLeslie I think we’d have to deal with each name separately. Perhaps here in NY or something, saying Laquisha might pull up ‘oh that’s a ‘Black name’’ for someone. Anyway, read this

I think names are very important. My parents were fighting over what to name me. They agreed on a compromise that they both disliked. It was a name I disliked.

I chose a new first name in my 40s and legally had my name changed to it. It fits me very well I think.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Good article. Like I said above I don’t think a name sets us on some path bad or good. I don’t think Condelezza or Barrack, or even throw in the name Oprah is the type of black name I am talking about, because they aren’t commonly known black names associated with lower class black people. The names might sound made up to some people and certainly are not names like Jennifer, lisa, or Elizabeth. But, take for instance a name like Jennifer. It was extremely popular back in the 70’s. It went through a little lull and then it started popping up in the black community when it had been a very white name for many years.

I do agree we should not be critical of names or be so critical of parents and why they name their children what they do. Above I was not really giving a personal opinion when I wrote about resumes and how others my react, it was just what I think does happen in society or that I have read information about. My opinion is it shouldn’t matter. I liked the name Apple when everyone was so critical of it. I like how the word sounds, I think it is very sweet. I never thought my grandmas name was pretty, but now if I had a girl I would seriously consider it, because I have changed my opinion of it, and I loved her so much, it’s like how people become attractive once you get to know them.

I don’t like so much criticism of names, it is akin to racism I think. Judging someone based on something superficial and meaningless.

@JLeslie It’s really in a racist society only that people would make sense of ‘black names’ and ‘white names’, since groups are still so heavily segregated by race.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir I’ll go along with that.

Edit: actually I would probably say segregated society, not necessarily racist, but it is difficult to really separate the two.

@JLeslie Exactly.

If I were naming a baby, I’d find a list of the currently popular names and choose among them. Children don’t want to be different; they want to “fit in” and be seen as normal. And, a child who hates his/her name will likely carry those feelings into adulthood.

I’m speaking as someone who HATED her original name. Not only was it ugly, it was from another generation and sounded like an old lady’s name. I couldn’t stand being mocked and taunted in grammar school. I detested getting teased in high school. Even adults would say, “Oh, what an awful name you have.”

Our names are essential to our identities. I can tell you that it’s no fun to despise your name so much that you cringe when you hear it or dread having to say it.

No, I won’t tell you my old name. I will say that I changed it after I’d become age 18; as an adult, I could make my own choice. What a difference it made in my life! I love my name!!! I can say it with no discomfort, feel good when someone calls me by it, and enjoy reading it on papers and documents.

@SadieMartinPaul Not all children want to fit in, mine don’t. Also, I’m sorry adults would say stupid shit to you.

@SadieMartinPaul I think that goes along with what I mentioned above that it depends on the child. Some children really have a hard time with a name they dislike. It sucks that the people around you were so horrible. There was a boy in my school named Horace, and he always used his nickname. I assume Horace was a family name, because I can’t imagine someone naming their child that otherwise, but I guess some people think it is a good sounding name. I can’t for the life of me remember his nickname, but I can picture his face. It was something unusual.

Your parents wouldn’t let you change it when you were younger? I know many people who have changed their first name. My grandmother did in fact, she hated her given name. I don’t know if people teased her? Or, if she just hated it. She loved her new name. Funny, to my ear they weren’t much different. She did stick with the same first letter, I assume to respect the relative she must have been named after, although I never asked her if that was the case.

I hated that my name was so popular while I was growing up (I’m a Lisa, born in the year that it was the number one name for girls.) To make matters worse, “Lisa” is too short for any good nickname options. I’d rather have had a less common name, for sure, but not one that was too weird.

We tried to hit that sweet spot when naming our daughters. We gave them names that could be shortened (and they all go by nicknames), but we ended up naming our first-born Madison…19 years ago, when I’d never heard it as a girl’s first name. By the time she started school, it was in the top 5 names, sigh. So, you know, you can’t really win the name game.

Yes, it’s important, but you can’t kill yourself trying to find the perfect one. Sometimes you grow into one that doesn’t suit when you’re young (I don’t mind my name, now) and sometimes you outgrow one. In the end, I think it’s up to the individual to identify themselves however they like.

Interesting opinion article on this topic… I find it very scary that a judge felt she was fully entitled to change a child’s name to fit her own religious beliefs.

Absolutely not.

@augustlan Hey, Lee! How you doing?

It’s sort of important, but not as important as this.