I'm 22. Can my parents do this legally?

Welcome to Fluther, first of all.

Before I answer your question, let me say that “the answer hardly matters”. That may sound harsh and unhelpful, but I think it’s probably the truth here. That is, if you don’t have “the funding” to move out of the house, how are you going to engage the services of an attorney to mount a case against your parents, assuming that what they have done (or threatened to do) is actionable at law, i.e. “illegal”?

If you’re living at home and using your parents’ car, then you’d better quash such notions of strict “legality” (assuming that your basic rights are respected) and follow the rules that they set for you to live in their home and use their car.

If you want to stand on fine points of law, they could also make a case that your use of their car outside of the agreement you had made with them to use it in a certain way was also “illegal”. And there’s a name for that kind of illegality; it’s called “car theft”. No, I don’t think you want to do that dance with them and actually get thrown out of the house, do you? (That would also be “legal” in many jurisdictions, and in nearly all US jurisdictions after you were given sufficient notice.)

But to get back to answering your specific question: No, it’s probably not technically legal for your parents to throw away your possessions, and almost certainly not legal for them to confiscate your paycheck. (It is completely illegal for them to intercept your mail, if that’s how your paycheck is sent to you.)

But… don’t make a federal case out of this. Really.

You should:
1. Apologize for breaking rules that you had apparently agreed to.
2. Promise to make right the damages you have caused – because insurance doesn’t cover everything, and may not cover the damage done to their car if they don’t have full coverage, and may have a high deductible in any case. (You need to learn these things.)
3. Make good on the promise.
4. Get your shit together and grow up, and then move out.

Some of that may also sound harsh and offensive, but it’s said with the best will and intention in the world. The best thing that you can do now is to grow up.

I’m not going to take any legal action against them, I’m just wondering if it is legal or not. I have a friend willing to take the stuff they want to throw away for me so at least it’s out of the house and they’ll be happy that I only kept my ‘normal’ ‘adult’ things.

My first question: whose car is it? And how much of your insurance and other expenses are being paid for by your parents.

The hard truth is that as long as you live at home and are supported by them, you are under their jurisdiction. It is not an easy place to be, and I think your parents are way overreacting, but it is their house and money.

The taking of your paycheck is not okay, and maybe illegal depending on how they do it, but they can’t take it without your cooperation.

You need to sit down and resolve this in a way you can get out of their house, which will include your taking responsibility for doing something that appears to me to have been foolish.

I have apologized and offered to pay for everything, but we don’t know what needs to be done yet. Once they take my check, I won’t have a single penny to my name. Ironic because they complain that I spend money and have none.

It’s probably illegal to take your pay check. How can they do it anyway? Are they going to forge your name?

Are you willing to pay for the damage, for the deductable if the insurance has a deductable? I understand you don’t want to turn over your check, but you should be willing to help pay to fix it.

As far as throwing out your stuff, probably they can legally, it’s in their house. Especially if they bought the items they can claim they own them. But, there might be a legal loophole if the items were considered gifts to you. It’s tricky since you live in their house.

I get the feeling from what you just wrote that they threaten to throw out your stuff, because you aren’t saving any money, is that true?

Since they still provide for you, the dynamic in your relationship is still like you are 15 it seems. They are still trying to control you like when you were younger, so the real solution is to move out.

It is a lesson in how financial independence gives you real freedom. But, financial independence means you have to pay your own expenses and deal with surprise expenses like car accidents.

Are you in college?

I already said I’d pay for anything that insurance doesn’t cover. But we don’t know exactly what needs to be paid yet. I can see setting a ton of the money aside, but they won’t get estimates for another 15 days, and I get my neck check in two weeks anyway.

They are threatening to throw it out because they call it childish stuff (I am an anime/manga fan-Japanese cartoons and comics-video game fan, and I even go to anime conventions in costume. these conventions are full of adults who just want to take a break and have some fun. I don’t see it as childish)

Most of the stuff I have was paid for with my own money.

They’ve treated me like I’m fifteen my whole life. They even told my boyfriend (25 years old as of last week) and me that we are broken up and not allowed to see one another again (we are still together, just in secret).

I’m trying to move out but once they take my entire check, I won’t be able to. I’m looking into housing assistance, and even my psychologist is trying to help me get out.

Don’t you get paid every two weeks? Or, did you just start working?

Are you in America?

I get paid every two weeks, yes. I’ve been working for a little while, but not long.

yeah, I’m in NY

You say you need your check to be able to move out, but where is all the money you have been earning if you have been working for a little while? Unless you have a great job I doubt one paycheck can get you out of the house anyway if you haven’t saved anything so far.

I assume you don’t live in NYC if you have a car.

Did you tell your parents you will pay the deductable, that you agree you need to help to pay for the damage.

I have a good paycheck now, but I didn’t when I started. Most of it is put away for school loans and paying people back anyway, so I don’t have any saved.

I’m in upstate NY, actually.

I told them I’ll pay for whatever I need to pay for.

You are living with the parents. You need to play by their rules.
How fair is it that you say “They can’t take my money!” when you violated their rules by driving out of state, and had an accident?

It’s not legal, but you’re in their house, they can make the rules.

What does put away to pay back people and loans mean? Why is it put away instead actually paying the people back?

Are your parents ok with you moving out do they want you to move out? Or, do they expect you to live at home?

If they want you to move out, tell them your plan to do it. Tell them how much you plan to save by what date, write it out so it looks all nice and budgeted, including paying your loans, and hopefully they will feel you are taking responsibility for what needs to be done.

Are you done with school? Graduated? Have you lived at home while going to school? Or, did you just move back when you graduated?

They can take the money they need to pay for the damages, but at least let me have 10 bucks to myself for emergencies and the like.

I meant “paying people back and putting away loans” but my computer is slow sometimes with clicking and typing, so it got a little messed up.

They expect me to live at home for the rest of my life. their words, not mine.

I graduated in April with an associates, but don’t have the money to move on. I lived at home because I couldn’t afford dorms and they wouldn’t let me even if I could have. I know it sounds pathetic to say “they wont’ let me” but my actions are 99.99% controlled by them.

Be honest about this question please as it may give you insight into why your parents are being so harsh about your “childish” interests.

In the past two years, Approximately how much money have you spent on your anime books, costumes and supplies, convention fees etc. and anything else connected with your interest in anime?

I’m going to guess that its quite a significant amount as many of these items are not cheap. This is money that could easily be put into savings for getting your own place or used to reimburse your parents.

If you don’t want them to criticize you for being childish then stop behaving like a spoiled child expecting others to pay your expenses while you ignore common sense and spend on non essentials.

I’m guessing your parents are having second thoughts about raising such an indulged and entitled feeling child who refuses to grow up.

So now the pendulum swings in the opposite direction. Hopefully this will be a valuable lesson for you and teach you why being a financially responsible adult is quite rewarding since it gives you complete freedom to make all your own choices and decisions.

Every adult finds out that there is a necessity for “delayed gratification” when money is tight. You can’t have it all all the time.

You evidently have been unwilling to do this and saving money for things with a higher priority ( like buying a car and living independently on your own) is evidently a foreign concept to you (or else you’d be doing it already.)

I’m guessing your parents are at the end of their tolerance for this.

It doesn’t sound pathetic. It isn’t that uncommon for parents to expect children to live at home. Some cultures it is very normal to stay at home until the “child” gets married. Did they mean they expect you to live at home for the rest of your life because they don’t want their baby to leave, or because they think you will never get your act together?

You are going to have to move out without their emotional support to do it if they want you to stay at home. This is one of the most stressful times in life. Finishing school, leaving your parents home, it’s normal to be unsure about what to do and what the future will be, and even to have some difficulties with your parents as you finally separate from them.

They cannot make you stay at home, but you have to get really focused about getting your finances together and having a plan. I also think you have to respect their rules while at home. Give them one paycheck, it’s just one, it sounds like you live for free, maybe don’t even pay for your car or car insurance, I don’t know for sure.

@buttonstc Most of my anime and stuff of the like were Christmas and/or birthday gifts from my family, my boyfriend, and my friends. I haven’t bought anything related to it in a couple years because I never had the funds to do so. There hasn’t been anything added to my collection by gifts either, so it’s not like I go around spending money on things I don’t need just because I want it. After I put away loan money and pay people back, I use my money for food and gas for the car. As for convention money, I only go to one a year so I don’t spend a lot of it. That one convention is 15 dollars and it’s half an hour from my house so I don’t need to pay for a hotel or anything like that for it. The only reason I went to two last year was because my boyfriend paid for me to go with him for a Valentine’s Day gift.

It’s not that I refuse to grow up, it’s that I’m not given a chance to. My whole life they have told me that I’ll never do anything with my life or move out of their house. They actually do want me to stay here, because they get afraid of letting me drive to my friend’s place, and she lives right up the road with her parents. My mother even tells me to stop doing my writing just because I don’t currently sell anything in writing. (I don’t write often, anyway) I’m not trying to sound spoiled, I just don’t see why everything I like is stupid, worthless, or childish. I even get yelled at for buying food to eat when I’m out and hungry.

I pay for gas, but the car isn’t mine. It’s theirs.

Also, I’m not allowed to marry anyone unless it’s the guy they specifically chose for me, but I’m not into him. No offense because he’s been my best friend for years, but I’m in love with my boyfriend and that isn’t going to change any time soon. I have a plan, I just need to get it going. But I can’t exactly talk to them about it either.

@buttonstc Also, I watch anime and read manga online. I don’t actually buy any for my collection.

Wow! It is time to move out. Get the address on your paycheck changed immediately, and have it sent elsewhere. Get some friends to come over and move your stuff (hopefully one of them has room to temporarily store it).

Could you bunk with a friend for a little while to save up to move out?

Ok, you have to ignore the negativity from your parents and know in your heart and mind that you are on the right track. How fast will you have enough money to move out? Until then do as they say, it isn’t worth the conflict if the light is at the end of the tunnel and you will be out in two months.

Prove them wrong. You can do it. You just need to plan and be responsible, and you have to be future oriented. Predict things can go wrong and be prepared for it. Predict consequences. That is a big part of growing up and being responsible. I am not saying you are being childish now, it is a fact that most people don’t get really good at that until we get into our twenties.

A friend is coming today to take my stuff to my other friend’s house for safekeeping, @marinelife I’m going to get direct deposit for my checks soon, as well

Due to what I make, I can actually be ready to move out by the end of the month if I find a place with cheap enough rent.

I know exactly what they are going to say and I’m trying to work out how to respond to it. I have a therapist, and he’s helping me figure out exactly what to do, as well.

Is it okay if I ask your cultural background?

@Adirondackwannabe sure. I’m half Irish, half Dutch. And I know this isn’t cultural, but I’m adopted as well.

In my state, you can be legally free of your parents and move out at age 17, which I did. At that point, you are considered an adult and can sign yourself into and out of school, etc…

My advice is to either accept the repercussions of your behavior, since you know you broke their rules and were in an accident this seems the best course to me.

Or you can move out, accept full financial responsiblity for yourself and go on with your life.

@Kairi I’m just trying to figure out why your parents are so controlling.

@KNOWITALL I legally could have too, but I had nowhere to go so I didn’t have much of a choice. they weren’t as bad back then.

I know what I did was wrong. If I was able to talk to them in the first place, I wouldn’t have felt like I had to lie. I’m not trying to use that as an excuse, just a statement.

@Adirondackwannabe I understand what you were trying to do. Thanks.

Don’t worry what to say to them. A month is nothing. Sounds good, you will be out soon, just be obedient to their rules for now and make it as stress free as possible. When you are ready to move out you can just tell them you are moving out and you have everything set up and you will get in touch with them in a few days when you are settled. If you think they will try to stop you then move “behind their back” but call them to let them know you are fine and you moved out and you will let them know where you are in a couple weeks.

Do they physically abuse you? Is there any chance they will physically harm you?

@JLeslie GA. I didn’t think of the abuse angle
@Kairi And don’t let them hold a car accident over your head. It’s just that an accident. That’s what insurance is for. I’ve been in so many car accidents I be stuck at home until I was 70 if I let my mother hang that over my head.

If your friend can take your “stuff”... can they also take you?

Perhaps it’s time to vanish. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. I’m sure your parents know this. If not, they will soon learn it.

sucks when a child must school the parent

It is not unusual for there to be a lot of arguing and crying when kids finally move out on their own. I see it all the time. I see it happen without the drama, but I see the drama often. It is up to you to reduce the drama. Often I see miscommunication and misunderstandings at the root of it all. You can make it less dramatic, I know it might seem unfair that it is up to you. The arguing serves a purpose in a way, because it makes both parties, the parents and the kids, get to the point where the separation is necessary, but it is an unnecessary way to do it.

You know what. Your right and you need to get out of their ASAP.

Their constant negativity is toxic. You don’t need to be around it. It does you no good at all.

And i give you my sincere apology for my makings assumptions about you. I shouldn’t have. You really do need to free yourself from this toxicity.

What are you in therapy for? Do you have any diagnoses?

@JLeslie They will refuse to let me leave, especially if they know my boyfriend is moving with me. And no, no physical abuse. My mom threw a steak at the wall because I wouldn’t eat it because it was still rare (bloody animal meet makes me physically ill to just look at. not trying to sound spoiled, I just felt sick)

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies My friend that is driving lives in Massachusetts so I can’t go with him. As for my friend, I can’t stay there either.

I fear for New York. Soon there will be a young 22 year old hitting the streets on her own for the first time. Having been kept up and controlled for over two decades, she’s gonna go wild. Her friends will wonder what that devilish sparkle in her eyes is all about. Tell them it’s the raging heart fire torching twenty years of repressive frustration. It’s going to be glowing for a while. Stand close and warm up.

She’s gone mad I tell you. Magnificently MAD!

What a great decade lies ahead of you @Kairi. Your turn to live.

@JLeslie It’s not so much an argument as it is “I want to do this”, “no and that’s final”. and then I’m not allowed to talk about it anymore.

@Buttonstc Don’t worry about it. I know you were only trying to help. I do appreciate the apology, though. My therapist agrees on the negativity part.

You’re 22. What’s there to talk about?

@Cupcake I have a form of depression, but not major depressive disorder

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies I’m not from NYC, so at least I don’t have to worry about high rent or anything (my boyfriend lives in NYC currently and is from there so I know how hard it gets sometimes. Yeah, I’m 22, but I’m under their roof so I have to do what they want. they even told me I can’t apply to a college I want to go to, simply because it was in NYC.

Nature loves, and rewards courage.

Consider spending more effort on what you want, rather than what your parents prevent.

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies I try but it’s hard. If I do what I want, I lose them. If I do what they want, I lose me.

Ok, so you will plan it behind their back. Just remember to let them know you are ok, so when you are missing from the house they don’t have the police looking for you. You don’t want to cause them worry and cost tax payers money.

Why don’t they like your boyfriend? He is a good guy right?

I have a plan set, I just need my room mates to sign off on a place. I’ll probably end up picking the place and letting them handle their moving thing on their own for now.

I’m going to let them know when I’m going to leave, but it probably won’t be until after I put down a security deposit and make sure everyone is on board.

I meant once you are already out and all moved in, that day let them know you are safe. I thought you said you can’t tell them you are going to move out? If you can, that would be better.

I may be able to once I have things settled more.

I am so late to this conversation, but I just want to throw in my best wishes.

From someone who had to take a broke-girl leap and escape a harsh family situation, good luck. I’m glad you have friends saving your stuff. I had to watch mine burn.

Be prepared for a guilt trip when they see you packing up your stuff. And don’t let it get to you. You’re an adult and you deserve your own space.

On moving day, treat yourself to a fun meal. Mine was a hot fudge sundae for breakfast. Yum. Freedom tastes sweet.

Thanks for the good wishes. I’m sorry you had to see that :/

I’m ready for the guilt trip. I’m not surprised that they will do that.

I don’t have the extra funding to buy one, but I’m sure I could whip up something in the kitchen. Yum sounds good.

Does your boyfriend already have his own place and you are moving in?

No. I can’t explain the situation due to legality, but he is homeless due to unforeseen circumstances and has had to move back in with his own parents, but they are kicking him out at the end of August.

I hate to be negative, but your situation doesn’t sound very solid. So, he isn’t moving out now that he has recovered from whatever bad event happened that he lost his house/apartment, he is being thrown out of his parents house. Why is he being thrown out? Does he have a job? Is he saving money? Did he lose everything and have to move back home because he did something very irresponsible? Or, just an unlucky twist. Do not move in with him just because you hate living with your parents. You can live with a girlfriend instead. I don’t have any problem with couples living together, but I fear your parents don’t like him, because he has shown to not be very responsible.

@JLeslie I would usually agree. Parents are usually pretty good judges of potential partners, but I’m not so sure about these parents.

You’ve stated, twice, that they don’t allow you to leave the house. Can you elaborate on this?
If they are physically preventing you from leaving, then that sounds like “unlawful imprisonment” to me. It also sounds like abuse. If that’s what is happening, then don’t put up with it- report it.
If you they aren’t physically preventing you from leaving, then what specifically does it mean when you say “They will refuse to let me leave” and ”...forbid me form leaving the house and not allow me to”?

@Adirondackwannabe Really? Even knowing this guy is back home (although, I admit we don’t know why, even at 45 years old I might move back home if I hit a bad time, so I don’t want to assume too much) she won’t have enough money for an ice cream sundae, and it took her until 22 to get her associates while living at home and doesn’t have spending money saved up. Feel free to correct me if I am wrong somewhere. I’m not getting the feeling these young people are very focused. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t have it all together right out of high school, I went part time to jr college before I finally went away to a university. Her boyfriend is being thrown out, which means either his parents are fed up or they suck. Either way, not a great situation. They are still young, so anything could happen. They could wind up to be productive, responsible people who are together forever, but I think there are some red flags.

I just can’t get a handle on how bad the parents really are. Certainly they say things to undermind the OP’s confidence and self esteem, but easily it could just be they are worried and they don’t communicate well.

@JLeslie I picked up the same red flags you did and I agree 100 percent with what you said about the situation. But I can’t figure out the parents either. But I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt on not listening to the parents on the boyfriend. I don’t know if I’m right or wrong on that. Hopefully right.

@Adirondackwannabe Fair enough. No matter what I do think she should get out on her own. I think it will be great for her self esteem and calm things down with her parents. I just think an extra few weeks to have a kitty of money, or not moving in too quickly with her boyfriend is more prudent. Once behind the eight ball it is difficult to climb out you know? That is true financially, in relationships, all sorts of things in life. But, easier said than done. She sounds desperate to get out.

You could have your employer transfer the money directly to your bank account (people still use cheques?) and have the bank make you the only one who can access the account.

It seems like the parents are trying everything to get this girl to take responsibility for herself and become a mature person.
Hense the fights and the absolute ‘no” to anything that she says.
They are trying to teach her to give up childhood in favor of adulthood.
She can get assistance from professional counsellors to support her living on her own.
Have cheques direct deposited.
They are teaching her consequences of her behaviour.
A real life lesson.
When I grew up my father expected all of us to be out of the house on our own by age 18 years old, regardless of whether we finished school or not.
As a result I took a parttime job to pay for my high school final year.
I learned to become self reliant and strong as a result.
Best of luck, things will turn out OK in the end for you.

@JLeslie long story short, he was robbed by his room mate. He works and is saving money to move out, but his parents won’t let him stay there until he ahs enough money. they said he has until the end of the month to get out.

@rexacoracofalipitorius if I try to leave when they tell me no, my mother gets in my way and won’t let me pass. I was also told once when I had no job and no money that if I left the house when they didn’t want me to, then I could never come back.

@Kairi You said you are in therapy, have you ever done family therapy with your parents? It might help them not be so freaked out. You might all gain from understanding each other better.

No matter what I do think it is best you leave soon, I just don’t want you to leave too hastily that you can’t gather yourself and plan it a little.

@JLeslie as you put it, his parents do suck. he was kicked out when he beaten as a kid for not getting straight A’s and he was kicked out at seventeen and had to beg his butt off to come back home after he almost got killed in the streets, if that shows what kind of parents they are. They still mentally abuse him by saying what happened was his fault. I see a complete 180 in personality when he goes to their house to stay while he’s doing things in the city. I am desperate to get out, yes, but I also have friends to move in with too as room mates, so it won’t be just him and me. He is having a hard time finding a job right now, but he has had a few while in the city, so he is definitely putting in the effort.

@JLeslie I’ve thought about that, but if I suggest that, they’ll say we don’t need family therapy and I just need to change my attitude because I’m the problem. I can’t even tell them I’m seeing a therapist because all I’ll hear is that I’m ‘too young’ to know what real ‘hard times’ are and that I have it better then they did as a kid, and all that kind of stuff.

@Adirondackwannabe my parents don’t like anyone that isn’t my best friend that they want me to be with. if we’re talking about males, that is. They even make fun of my friends behind their backs. And his parents are pretty bad with all their kids, so they’re not the most trustworthy people either, honestly.

@ragingloli I’m going to work on getting direct deposit, yes, but it takes a few weeks, unfortunately.

That would be exactly why therapy could possibly really help, they don’t understand you at all. I understand some people are against therapy though. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to ask, they don’t need to know you already go.

Are you in therapy for depression? Self esteem? Or, is it some other diagnosis?

@Inspired_2write even when I try to do things to help myself grow up, they freak out on me and tell me I’m doing wrong. I wanted to go to this really good college in NYC so I could further my career, but they refused to let me go simply because it’s NYC and they don’t trust it there.

@JLeslie no, they really don’t at all. I can’t be myself around them because they won’t like who I am and I’ll really be screwed over. I went to therapy at first to figure out why I’m so upset, sad, and angry all the time. I was diagnosed with depression, yes, but not major depressive disorder.

I don’t know if they can legally do it or not. But they certainly should. Might wind up being good for you.

@josie Yeah, I agree to an extent.

Sound to me like there are many more issues here than just a car accident and the repercussions.

@rojo yeah, pretty much

I would recommend you do item number 4 on @CWOTUS’ list as soon as possible. It would not hurt for you to stand up for yourself at this point. You are an adult. You need to take responsibility for you actions, sure, but it needs to be you doing it and on your terms, not your parents “making” you.

Without having to read all of the above responses, how is it that your parents even have access to your paycheck? Do what @marinelife suggests about having you paycheck sent elsewhere immediately, You can get a PO box for little to nothing. Move out and sleep on the sofa of a friend for a couple of months until you save up enough for a security deposit on your own place if necessary. It really sounds like you parents are doing whatever they can to keep you from leaving the nest. This could be because they are scared for you however, so don’t hold it against them, just plan around their concern.

Stay in touch with @Seek_Kolinahr It helps to have someone to talk to who has actually experienced what you are going through. And remember, you are not alone out there, you have friends and I would guess that at 22 most of them do not live with their parents. They can, and will help you, that is what friend do for each other.

Who knows, once you are out on your own maybe your situation with your folks will improve.

Good luck with it.

@rojo I can’t stay on a friend’s couch because then I’ll have no way to get to work, or else I would. my friends live in my hometown, which is separated from my work by a half our drive on the highway. as for it being on my terms, I did say I’d pay for everything, but I don’t know what needs to be paid for yet, and they are just assuming and taking the whole thing.

I don’t even have enough money for a PO box right now.

All of my friends live at home, actually. Some all have college degrees, but minimum wage jobs, and the rest are still in college or didn’t finish high school (well, that’s only one of them, but you get my point). Most of them are 20–21. (I was sent to kindergarten late so I’m older then everyone I graduated with, but that’s besides the point.)

It will either improve or they’ll cut me out completely. One of the two.

I hope none of this sounds like I’m making excuses, because I’m just trying to give out all the facts here to help make a better informed decision, you know?

I’d walk down the nearest road and stick my thumb out. Wouldn’t say a word to the parents about leaving. I’d just be gone daddy gone the love is gone now it’s gone daddy gone the love is gone yeah it’s gone daddy gone the love has gone away.

@Kairi – what about workmates? When I left my parents’ house, I rented a room from an old spinster I worked with who wanted a bit of help with the bills. She knew my salary, and split her normal boarder rate to twice a month so I could make it between checks. I did my own car, but we carpooled most of the time. And, she was only 5 minutes away from the office anyway.

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies I live in a trailer park and it’s a hike to the nearest roads, but it’s not that safe of a development, so that may not be a good idea… ^^”

@Seek_Kolinahr I don’t work with anyone my age, and I just started so none of us are really close. my friend that works there isn’t ready to move either. and as far as I know, all my older coworkers have families

Still, put out the word that your interested in renting a room. You never know who knows somebody who knows somebody.

@Seek_Kolinahr I’ve been telling people. hopefully someone knows someone. thanks.

@Kairi I am not trying to be mean here but it seems you have a problem for every answer. At some point you are going to have to grow up, make the hard choices necessary and move on with your life. You are not the only person who does not have a car or who lives in a trailer park or who works thirty minutes from where you live. It is time to decide what YOU want.

@rojo you don’t sound like you’re being mean, anyway. No, I’m not the only one, but I am one of the few people I know that drive. I wish I didn’t have an argument for every answer, but I’m one of those people that likes to think of the ‘what if’ as well.

From reading the above notes I gather that you have doubts which is normal.
Of course you will , until you plan an escape route suitible for you.
Doubts are a good thing to have. When ALL doubt disappears then you will know what route to take.
You sound like a person who has to have all the ducks in a row BEFORE you make a move.
Lots of people are like that and its a good attribute to have.
Make a decision tree where you map out all scenerios and possibilities.
Check online for decision tree templates. You may need concrete methods to plan out your
moves. Just one type of decision making that you may fall under.
Hope that helps you to make a decision.
Good Luck.

@inspire_2write that sounds like a good idea. I didnt think of that. Yes, I would rather have a plan set and a backup plan just in case before I make a move. It just makes more sense to me that way.