Parent or S/O, if you had to, who would you choose?

This one is always difficult for me, but I’d probably choose my mom, I just love her too much to let go voluntarily.

It depends on who’s making me choose. That one’s out.

Any parent who offers this hideously unfair ultimatum deserves to lose & so they shall, for it is written, I know, I read it in a comic.

What @Simone_De_Beauvoir said.

If we eliminate that variable hypothetically, I’d still stick with my parents at this point in my life.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Yes, well said. Anyone trying to control my life or my decisions is going to see a big bird, and not the kind that flies.

I don’t regret my decision as such, I just sometimes wonder if it was kind of morally right. I have tried to contact my dad on a number of occasions. The last time he answered the phone to me was about a year ago, he asked if Paul and I have spilt up, I said no, and he hung up. He’s not answered the phone to me since.

@Headhurts You let him control this and he will find something else to mess with in your life.

@Headhurts That’s odd to me, why does he hate him so much? My mom says she loves anyone I love, because she only wants my happiness. I don’t understand why he’s being so mean.

@KNOWITALL He’s jealous. That’s all. My last relationship, I was very unhappy and it was violent. My dad knew and he got on with my ex really well, never once shown any anger. When my boyfriend and I visited him last, he separated the chairs so he could sit in the middle, and when I leant forward to see if he was ok, my dad said ” what is the matter, can’t you leave him alone for 5 minutes”. Thinking back to when I had my first boyfriend, we all went out for a meal, the next day he called my mum to complain that I spoke to my then boyfriend a lot and for her to tell me not to bring him again.

@Headhurts Sounds jealous. It would make sense if you were really close as you say. My mom and my husband’s mom both got jealous when we got together. His mom even started stopping by every Sat & Sun around 7am for coffee and chats, so I had to ask my hubs to have a talk with her.

Just have a dep convo, just you and him, and let him know that your feelings for him will never diminish, but he has to let this attitude and jealousy go in order to stay close. He’s afraid of losing his baby girl. :( You’re lucky to have a dad that cares, mine sure never did.

I made the wrong choice when it happened to me. I chose the boy.

@ KNOWITALL He won’t talk to him. I’ve told him I love him just as much just in a different way. When I told him I’m an adult, he did say ” no you’re not, you are just a little girl”.

Cat.

@Headhurts Counselling, he has to let you go and still love you. :( Sorry, that sucks.

Another vote for whoever made me choose.

I vote for who made me choose also.

I will say it probably matters the context and when it is happening. If the girl is 16 and the parents are desparate for her to see some sense before running away with some 25 year old loser guy, then they might blurt out something like that. Not smart to say it, but in the heat of the moment they might have tried everything they could think of before. I would think if a parent gave such an ultimatum they must be terrified for their daughter she is making a mistake.

I’m in complete agreement with @Simone_De_Beauvoir. It’s horribly unfair (and unloving) to put someone in that position.

A grown adult JEALOUS of their childs relationship? Pfft!
I have never felt jealous of my daughters boyfriend in the 4 years they have been together. Really? This is very dysfunctional and your dad should be a bigger boy than that. Insane, immature, impossiblely idiotic!

@Coloma Unfortunately I agree. He is very very stubborn. I have only been happy with my current partner. My mum used to say it was awful seeing me with my ex ( because all we did was row, she never saw us hug or kiss ). I wanted to show my dad that I was happy and that I could be nice, and this what happens.

@Headhurts Row?

@livelaughlove21 Argue

You think it was jealousy? I was not thinking anything like that. I was thinking your dad was concerned.

It was definitely jealousy. He had nothing to be concerned about.

How old were you?

29

It’s very odd to me.

Me too. It’s just what he’s like. He has been similar although not this extreme, with every boyfriend, apart from the one that made me unhappy and I hated.

Am I the only one that finds that really creepy?

It’s definitely creepy, but at least he doesn’t sound mentally deranged enough to hurt your boyfriend or you. If it were to ramp up though, please get some help (for him).

Wow. I can’t even imagine that. My parents have hated most of my boyfriends, but I was never given an ultimatum like that.

I see parents get really freaked out when their kids are moving out of the house. There is a ton of fighting, crying, and anger. Happens all the time. I don’t mean itbhappens the majority of the time, just saying it isn’t unusual. The ultimatum is over the top, especially if he really means it and is not just lashing out and saying something he would regret. I see it more with what I call “old world” families, but it isn’t exclusive to them? What ethnicity are you? Just that it was normal for you to still be at home at 25 makes me wonder what country your parents are from.

It sucks to be the “one” that brings a parent happiness, which is what I assume it might feel like to you. It is a horrible burden for children to be responsible for their parent’s happiness. He couldn’t do it halfway for whatever reason. Painful for him I guess. Maybe a little emotionally incestious, not very unusual.

@JLeslie My parents divorced when I were 6. So I left my dad at 6. I’m white. I had already left home and was living in another town, which I moved there with another partner. I then met my current boyfriend.

I wasn’t asking your race. When I said ethnicity I was thinking Italian, Asian (well I guess that is a race also technically, but I mean culturally) Hispanic, etc.

So, you were already living on your own and your dad was giving you an ultimatum not to move in with him? I’m so confused now.

No. I was already living with him. My dad wanted me to move out and move in with him.

Oh, I see. That is very strange.

But he was fine about you being with someone who mistreated you and made you miserable? I can’t understand why he would rather you be in an unhappy, dysfunctional relationship than a healthy one. Your SO isn’t in competition with him. They have different roles in your life. It sounds like he is either getting that confused or is trying to control you on some level.

@Supacase Exactly