How many signs do I need?
Asked by
sad_girl (
57
)
August 17th, 2013
My long distance boyfriend of around a month and a half is still logging on to his Match.com account. He doesn’t know that I know about it. He told me the subscription had ended on the 16th, forgive me, but I thought Match.com was free?
He went for dinner with a female friend tonight, although he was back home talking with me early in the night. I suspect this female friend was his ex girlfriend, but I have no proof.
He seems reluctant to change his facebook status from single.
Pardon me, but taking an objective view, it looks like I am playing the fool.
Do I need a slap in the face? How many more flags do I need?
How can I confront him about this? It seems to me the only thing to do is to remove myself from this relationship, if you can even call it that…despite his insistence on us being “exclusive”.
Onwards and upwards? :(
Observing members:
0
Composing members:
0
13 Answers
Only you can answer that question.
A month and a half is not enough time to think you have a a long time arrangement. If you have slept with him already, that may have been all he wanted. Unscrupulous men may say anything to get a girl in bed.
Yes, onwards and upwards is the way to go. Forgive yourself and leave him behind.
He sounds like a cad and a bounder. (Forgive my old fashioned terms, but I don’t know the modern terms. You can educate me
You already have answered the question. You don’t need either confirmation or permission from people here or anywhere else.
At least you only invested 1.5 months. Many people spend 15 years with someone who is unwilling to commit to them fully.
Pat yourself on the back for catching on before you had any more invested.
double slap, and yes, perhaps he isn’t taking the ‘relationship’ as serious as you are. Get a life. Stop relying on some guy to fulfil your happiness. It simply is not realistic.
How do you know he went to dinner? From his account? Why not talk to him about it (and then be done with him!). I agree, you should be done with him. I you are having sex with him, that may be why he is coming around.
Once you start getting busy doing other things, you will begin to stop thinking about him.
I wouldn’t stick around, that’s for sure.
Call me insecure, but I think a man in an exclusive relationship having dinner alone with any other woman (ex or not), aside from a business dinner is a bit odd.
Honey the writing is on the wall! Get rid of this d-bag! Why hold on to someone who treats you like this. Be confident and end it. Find someone that treats you like you a queen. They are out there : ) good luck!
@sad_girl Welcome to Fluther. Would that you could have joined for happier reasons. You’re so right that “reality sucks sometimes” but that does nothing to stop it from being reality.
The good news is you can change the reality of your future. Go get ‘em girl!
One-and-a-half months isn’t enough time to build a committed, exclusive relationship. This is especially true when the partners are separated by a long distance and have limited opportunities to be together. Emails, text messages, and telephone calls can’t be the building blocks of a new romance. You and he need to spend time with each other and interact in public and social places. (A bit of advice – You know nothing about a man until you see how he treats cashiers and waiters or handles anger and frustration.)
This guy has every right to meet and date other people, as do you. It’s ok if either of you goes online “window shopping” and actively dates. In fact, that would be much healthier than rushing into a hasty, ill-advised commitment.
But, he shouldn’t lie to you. He has no reason to deceive you or make you believe that you and he are exclusive. The fact that he lies is, indeed, a large red flag.
Answer this question 
This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.
Composing members:
0
