Is it rude to tell someone they're being rude?

It’s all about presentation. Folks might act clueless but generally one knows good and well when they are being a dick. You can point out unacceptable behavior without demonstrating it yourself.

I think if someone’s behaviour is impacting on you in a negative way then it’s not rude to speak up. If you don’t, you’d be pretty unhappy and isn’t that what all the assertive courses in the world would promote, you to speak out when you’re unhappy?
The words you use, tone and delivery can be rude, like the guy who addressed the truck driver in your story. If you try to be tactful and honest, then I think any decent person would listen and adjust their behaviour accordingly.

I agree, @Blondesjon and @spiritual. The big thing is, when you point out to someone that they’re being rude, no matter how you do it, they feel embarrassment, and most people react to feeling that by being defensive, not apologetic.

I had a lawyer once who said, to me, “Val, you think that if you can just explain the logic behind a certain decision or an action, explain it rationally, everyone will see the light. They won’t.”

Starting any dialogue with “Are you an idiot?” will not lead to hoped-for results.

@Dutchess_III . . . You still win the moral victory of not being an asshole.

Yes it did! He left @gailcalled! It was strong, I agree, but maybe it’ll make him THINK next time. People today are SO rude, but they feel they have some sort of “right” to be that way. It’s like, you’re not allowed to call them on it anymore because it infringes on their “rights” to do whatever the hell they want to do.

@Blondesjon Yup. :)

The response you have given is very rude. There are polite ways to tell people they are rude, and calling them an idiot is not polite.

They both were wrong. Asking, “are you an idiot?” is no way to start off the conversation. LOL. The last city I lived in I was stunned at how so many people seemed unaware of peopke around them. I had never experienced it so much in my life. I would have no problem going up to the guy and saying, “the other cars can’t get around you, do you mind moving your truck?” If he dismissed me at that point I would see him as an idiot, but prior to that I would just hope he was preocuppied amd just didn’t think when he parked.

I was raised by a mother who rushed us out of a restaurant if she saw people waiting to sit. She worried about standing in someone’s way, sticking our fit out in an aisle when we sat in public areas, and picking up something from the floor if someone could sleep. I don’t understand when people don’t think about others around them, but I am sure even with my mind set that there have been times I have inconvenienced others without realizing. I would be not find it rude at all if someone pointed out to me I was in their way as long as they were polite about it.

It’s not how I would have handled it, for sure @YARNLADY. I’m not sure I would have said anything at all!

I might try People are waiting, may I help you so you can move

But would he get the message? Some people are so damn dense.

Would I have been rude if I had said, “Excuse me. Do you realize you’re blocking the drive?”
Just the fact that he, apparently, didn’t realize it, didn’t take notice that “If I park here no one can get around me.” Shows a kind of…what? What’s the word?

I like @YARNLADY‘s suggestion. Maybe people wouldn’t be so rude if more people would be willing to help each other out.

They get the three strike rule…
1. Approach & politely state they’re in the wrong.
2. If met with continued hostility, remain calm & repeat step 1…only firmer.
3. Aggressive attitude shows no sign of abating, throttle the cocksucker & put him in his place.

@jonsblond Are you saying that when a person is being rude it’s someone elses fault??

Not at all @Dutchess_III But it doesn’t hurt anyone to be helpful and have a little patience.

@Dutchess_III Reacting to rude behavior by being rude doesn’t make sense.

So if a person is loudly talking through a movie I should say, “Would you like for you and I to go to another room so you can finish saying what you have to say?”

It took quite a while for me to convince my husband that it is rude to answer his phone while we’re watching TV and then proceed to have a conversation without leaving the room. I finally started turning the volume on the TV way down. When he asked why I said, “So you can hear your end of the conversation and whoever you’re talking to can hear their end of the conversation. Don’t you just hate it when you’re trying to talk to someone and there is a racket in the background?”
He finally figured it out.

I agree @YARNLADY. It doesn’t make sense, but I bet it makes more of an impact.

So if a person is loudly talking through a movie I should say, “Would you like for you and I to go to another room so you can finish saying what you have to say?”

You ask them to please be quiet because others are trying to enjoy the movie. If that doesn’t work, you leave and get the manager.

I was responding to @jonsblond suggesting that if people were more helpful, fewer people would be rude.

i don’t really think that’s what she said at all. i normally don’t jump in to her defense but it seems to me like you’re purposefully trying to provoke an argument here. how rude.

I would not react well to some random dude coming up to me and yelling “are you an idiot?” I’m socially awkward anyway when I’m not with other people I’m comfortable with, I don’t know why that is but it’s true. So if some dude got in my face over something like that I’m reacting with one of two knee jerks, retreat or confrontation depending entirely on my mood at that second in time and if I’m confronting him I’m not going to be nice about it.

So let’s recap, assuming I was rude first, I’m giving myself the benefit of the doubt and adding without realizing I was being rude, then some other guy reacts rudely to that, my hackles would be raised and now I’m probably being not only rude back but aggressively so.

So in short if you see a tall, hairy, overweight, glasses wearing Texan being rude, either ignore or approach cautiously and watch your tone. Also don’t mention his mother, or you’ve signed your death warrant.

I’m not trying to provoke. Not at all @Blondesjon. But @jonsblond said “Maybe people wouldn’t be so rude if more people would be willing to help each other out,” and I’m trying to figure out how we could apply it to situations of rudeness, like talking during a movie, or texting people and playing on the phone when you have company over that you invited.

(Ooops. I missed her post that read “You ask them to please be quiet because others are trying to enjoy the movie. If that doesn’t work, you leave and get the manager.” I agree with that, but how is that helping them out?)

I beg to differ. She was paraphrasing what @YARNLADY had to say and then answered your query to that by suggesting that maybe rudeness wouldn’t be as prevalent period if folks were more willing to help each other out.

OK. I really don’t see the connection, because rude people are rude just because they’re rude, not because they need help.

However, addressing a rude person under the guise of “Can I help you?” would be a good way of dealing with it. But…would they get the message?

How can you not grasp the notion that if folks were simply more polite and helpful to each other there would be less rudeness period to deal with.

Instead of addressing the symptom address the disease.

Beating a dead horse can also be construed, if you opt for this kind of language, as being idiotic behavior.

I understand the theory @Blondesjon, but I disagree that there would be less rudeness. People don’t even realize they’re being rude. They’ve had plenty of examples set for them in their lives. They aren’t picking up on the lessons because they don’t see their own behavior as being rude. They’d recognize it as rude if other people do it, but don’t see it in themselves.
I mean, how could someone even consider parking in such a way that it blocks the entire drive?

^^^This horse is really dead, I swear.

Are you having a bad day @gailcalled? Is there something I can do to help, other than to politely suggest that if you’re tired of this thread you can unfollow it?

The guy with the beer was being inconsiderate, not rude. The guy in the car was rude. There are better ways to handle this situation without acting like a raging asshole. It’s not rude to point out someone is being rude, but calling them a “fucking idiot” is hardly the way to do it.

Good answer, and I agree the other guy handled it wrong, but what is the difference between “inconsiderate” and “rude,” @livelaughlove21? To me, both words suggest you don’t take anyone into consideration except yourself.

@Dutchess_III Inconsiderate just means you weren’t thinking of how your actions may inconvenience others. Being rude, on the other hand, indicates you are purposefully being offensive or annoying.

I suppose you could use them interchangeably, but it doesn’t sound like the beer guy was thinking, “Haha, look at all these people I’m pissing off. Fuck them.” He just wasn’t taking the other drivers into consideration.

The movie talkers werent talking to you, so offering to go somewhere with them is not helpful to anyone. A way to be helpful to the chatty moviegoers is to say “I’ll be happy to watch your seats while you step out to finish your conversation.” yeah, I can’t actually see that going well but it actually could be helpful…

Good answer @livelaughlove21.

@Supacase it probably wouldn’t go well simply because there is a veiled criticism there. It might get the point across, but the person doing the talking probably wouldn’t go “Oh! I’m so sorry! I forgot we were in a crowded theaters and the lights went out 5 minutes ago, and the movie that everyone paid $6.00 to see has started! I’ll be quiet now!”

I had a first (and last) date with a guy and once and we went to a movie. After the movie started he kept talking loudly about some prize bull he had seen once, and how big it was. He wasn’t making any effort to keep his voice down and he kept saying the same thing over and over. Dude in front of us finally turned around and said, “Would you quit talking???”
I felt my date tense up, like he was gearing up for a fight. I just put my hand on his arm and said, “He’s right.”
My date relaxed, but he still fumed. In HIS opinion, the guy that asked him to shut up was in the wrong.

Anyway, your example would have been a better example for my question. I don’t think it ever goes over well, no matter how it’s presented. But, like @Blondesjon said, if you do it politely “You get the moral victory of not being an asshole.” At least in other people’s eyes. Probably not in the eyes of the guy who was corrected.

@Dutchess_III $6? Where the hell do you live that a movie is only $6?

I had a feeling I was going to get clocked on that! I haven’t been to a movie in 20 years and that’s what it was then. I couldn’t afford it. The prices were insane then, plus it’s going to come out on DVD (VHS back then) in a few months, so I wait.

@Dutchess_III Yeah, the cheapest theater in my area is $10 per ticket. The other one is $11. And cost of living around here is pretty damn low. Of course, you could always go to what we call the “dollar theater” in the shitty part of town that charges $3.50 (that’s right, not a dollar) for a movie that is about a week away from being released on Netflix.

Movie theaters are such a rip-off. $10 ticket, $6 popcorn, $4 drink, $2 candy – and this is if you go alone (which I don’t). That’s about the price of a brand new DVD if you can wait a few months. But going to the movies is so fun, I can’t help myself!

I know…I want to go soon.

My opinion it that rude people trade on the politeness of others. They are enabled by polite people Now and then a polite person needs to step forward and give them a reality check. The rude people need to know that there ARE limits to the politeness of others.

My husband has this really rude tendency to talk during movies. I learned how to tune him out—and was accused of being rude, so I modified it to an occasional “Uh huh.” Well, since we now have a DVR I simply stop the show and just wait. The fact that the whole damn world stops and gets quiet because he wants to hear himself talk has really caught his attention. He usually cuts it much shorter than he used to.