What is wrong with me? Why am I hesitating to follow through on things? (more)

Fear is clearly the answer. You just need to do it or you never will. This is what you’ve been working for. Go for it! If you don’t, you’ll regret chickening out later. This is your future we’re talking about.

As for how you’ll pay for it – If you can’t get scholarships or grants and are unable to pay out of pocket, you’ll have to take out student loans. That’s what they’re there for. Just, whatever you do, do NOT get a private loan for school.

Well, you already named a bunch of reasons for your hesitation, what I want to tell you is once you are at a four college you will be surrounded by people in the same mindset as you that will be supportive and will help you stay on track. You will feel a huge relief once you are accepted and start school. Your procrastination is a weight on your shoulders.

Just do it. Print the app right now! Before you read another answer to this Q.

I procrastinate a lot also with smilar things, so I completely empathasize with the paralysis.

Can I start by saying well done for going back to school! It isn’t easy and it was extremely determined of you to do it at night.
It sounds like you have a lot of self realization, and you know where these fears are coming from. That definitely makes them easier to address.
You have to praise yourself for doing this well and give yourself small goals and rewards when things are achieved. For example, filling in your application form, some chocolate or a pampering session in the bath. Small inexpensive things. Step by step will make it more accessible.
All the best of luck :).

Thanks, everyone who responded so far. @JLeslie…I have to wait until work tomorrow to print it. My printer’s out of ink, lol! Maybe if I just set the goal of printing it out tomorrow, it will flow from there…

I would suggest that you start making a checklist and plan of steps that you need to take to start your courses in the four-year institution – and congratulations on getting yourself in position to do that! – with a timeline and “critical path” to get there.

If you’re not familiar with critical path scheduling, consider it the series of steps that absolutely must be taken, and in the correct sequence, to complete an objective. Right now the objective is “to start school at the new university”, so that will be your final step in this critical path.

What’s the first thing that you need to do, and how long should it take to accomplish? Write it on the list, and put a date on it when you could / should have it complete.

What’s next after that? Put it on the list, with a planned start date (assuming the first step has to be completed first) and planned date of completion.

Keep making the plan, and assigning the start / duration / end times to each. Some steps may be pretty complex and involve sub-steps. Put them on the list, too!

Having the list, the plan, gives you a series of more easily managed tasks that you can do. Having the plan dates and times along with the tasks lets you know that you’re on track to complete the entire project… without having to face ‘the whole project’ every day. All you have to do is do what’s on today’s list, and make sure at the end of each day that you’re prepared for the next day’s task. And so on and so on. If you can, you beat your plan times and readjust your schedule. If you miss a plan date for a task, then you re-evaluate and see if you can catch up later in the sequence.

And cross off tasks when complete. Give yourself a small win. (You might also identify certain milestone events in the plan, such as “mail application” and “obtain funding”, etc. Those belong on the schedule, too.)

Nobody can do everything all at once, but NASA got to the Moon by following checklists, plans and schedules just like this. You can get to college the same way. (Once you’ve started school, make another plan just like this for getting to your graduation.)

You’ll be okay. Keep your head up and think positive. I know its corny but have you ever heard of the law of attraction? Everything that happens in your life (good or bad) you have brought upon yourself with your thoughts. Instead of thinking I might fail think you will succeed… thoughts are very hard to control they have everything to do with how you feel. Everything will come together remember you are the master and Creator of your universe. This is your life no one can tell you what or how to think. You have every right to think positive and be happy. Yes this is a big decision but no mater what happens love yourself and love life f you fail it just means there is something better for you. Paint your picture perfect life in your head and believe you are already living it believe that t is possible.