Would you leave your partner because of health issues?

“For better or for worse, in sickness and in health, till death do us part.” My commitment was crystal clear and I fully intend to live by it. It would be heartbreaking to watch my wife slip away with something like dementia, but I’d stick with here and keep up a happy face for her sake.

If the husband had the illness since the age of 13, then I would assume she knew about it going into the relationship. If she wasn’t willing to give him the type of care he would need and deal with it with him, then she shouldn’t have married him in the first place. If she didn’t know about it until after they were married, that’s an entirely different issue itself.

For me, marriage is a life-long commitment. I would not leave my wife because of an illness.

Ewwww! NO! I’ve got the same answer as @ETpro. For better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. And I don’t see myself remarrying if he dies either.

I wouldn’t leave. But, I don’t think there is anything wrong with acknowledging how much it can suck. My husband has stayed with me through health issues and sometimes I felt like being together was very difficult, because I felt quite a bit of guilt, and was dissappointed myself in how it affected our marriage.

I would never give up on my husband like that.

My mother is 77 and had a ruptured brain aneurysm in March. Since then she’s had two brain surgeries, two bouts with C.diff, a bleeding ulcer and pneumonia. She’s been in the hospital and nursing home this entire time, and most of the time she couldn’t speak and she mostly slept. My father only left her side to go home and sleep. He could have given up on her like her doctor did and some of my family, but he didn’t. He’s my hero. (If all goes well, she gets to go home this Friday.)

Has her doctor shown any remorse or apologized to the family?

Your father was valiant and never flagged.

@jonsblond Very similar experience to yours and my father stuck by my mother the ten years she lived. They had been married I think 59 years by then. Death did really part them. Nothing else could. I’m sorry to hear you are having so tough a time. I know it is very tiring and painful. Take care of yourself. :)

The man I want to be with? I would never leave him over such a thing. Anyone who would does not really love the person, only what they can provide for them, apparently…

No. That would be a sorry thing to do. I wonder if those who are shackin” take their relationships as seriously because they never had to do those vows in front of anyone. I would hope so.

To even things up, you could post a link on their question to this question.

No way. I’m in it because I love him, not because of the “life he can give me”.

Absolutely not. What kind of love is that? It’s like saying they have put in weight or have aged, so I’m leaving. Any person that does that, in my opinion, was never in it for love. I am in it for love, and if he gets sick, I will take care of him. As @augustlan has said, in it for love, not for what he can provide.

I would never leave my partner through health issues, as I couldn’t bear to see her suffer alone. I would be absolutely devastated if she left me due to ill health and there is no way I would do that to her.
Mental health is much more prevalent now and I often think it must be extremely difficult for any partner, as even now, it is still misunderstood.
You have to stand together at the bad times, to enjoy and appreciate the good times.

For the past few years I’ve been a member of a prostate cancer forum. During that time a number of wives have left their husbands but, the vast majority stick around.
Since the divorce rate is about 50% is it possible people would be leaving the sick spouse even if they were healthy?

Never — and frankly, anyone who would is a selfish asshole.

”Leave and feel no guilt”? What kind of people are those? Does it mean that people can only get love when they’re healthy? Those who answered like that are definitely heartless!

As for that woman, she’s no better than them. I don’t think ”he could no longer offer her the life she wanted” is a good excuse.

When your husband/partner is ill, it’s a perfect time to test your love, a perfect opportunity to show your love. And that woman fails the test. Maybe she just needs him for her personal gain.

I fall in love for the heart and the mind and the soul. The body is just what comes along with that. If she has any problems I’m not bailing. If she would bail on me in the same scenario then I seriously misread her.

Maybe I remember incorrectly, but I thought many jellies would leave their spouse if their spouse became obese.

I think of the two similarly.

It’s OK to grieve that you’re not living the life you thought you would.

I, personally, don’t think it’s OK to leave your spouse for medical reasons.

No.

No, I will never leave him. My hubs has had health issues that gave us a lot of debt, we handled it. It gave me a lot of stress, we handled it. We have sacrificed friendships, frivolous entertainment, home repairs, new vehicles and ultimately we sacrificed the thought of having children due to our circumstances.

Of course I wish he was healthy and that thing’s were different, but I signed up for a lifetime of good/ bad, richer/ poorer, sickness/ health, and that’s what I intend to do. I hope he would do the same if it had been me, or if it ever is me.

“The really important kind of freedom involves attention, and awareness, and discipline, and effort, and being able truly to care about other people and to sacrifice for them, over and over, in myriad petty little unsexy ways, every day.”
― David Foster Wallace, This Is Water

@KNOWITALL : The Foster Wallace quote is lovely, in a vacuum, and seemingly apposite. However, remind yourself of what he did to his loved ones. Scroll down to “death” in this biography. (He may have had just cause, but the quote seems inappropriate under the circumstance.)

@gailcalled You analyze everything don’t you?! ha!

Get your point, the quote and sentiment it invokes, for me, is a perfect description of my feelings about my husband’s illnesses.

I know, but in context the meaning does change. Is that analysis or rhetorical accuracy? It certainly makes the quote more interesting.

@gailcalled It doesn’t change anything for me, I think you’re a fun fact person like my husband and that’s cool, but not all of us think that way..haha!

I couldn’t possibly, although I do understand, from being the sick person in a relationship, why someone might want to and be justified. Some people might want a fun and carefree love and I can’t offer that. Some people can’t handle the stress and depression that comes with watching a loved one suffer. Sometimes there is no end in sight and that’s just not the life you want to live. The only solution, if you can’t learn to cope, is to not love that person anymore.

Yes. I left my ex-wife because I was pretty sure if I stayed with her, I would get sick and die young.

No. When I said, “In sickness and in health,” I meant it. And thankfully, apparently he meant it too, or he might have left me long ago.

@gailcalled I’ll have to ask my father if her GP has said anything. He was the doctor who thought she wouldn’t improve. It was her neurologist who thought something wasn’t right and looked into it further. I hope they find a new GP.

@LornaLove Thank you.

@jonsblond I’m glad to hear your mom will likely get to go home next week. Sorry she and your family have been through so much. There is something very special about the connection many couples have, especially having been together for years. They are almost part of the same body. I’m not spiritual, but I have no other way to describe it except to say it is like a spiritual connection. It’s like two people can occupy the same space.

@jonsblond: I hope they find a new GP? Fire this guy asap. Don’t let him within a country mile of your mom.

Never. In sickness and in health and unless there’s abuse and til death do us part.