Dads, do you know how to paint your little girls nails?

Sorry, not a dad, a mom…but couldn’t resist tossing in some humor here. :-p
My ex actually said to me once when our daughter was about 4, ” sure, she’s cute, but what am I supposed to DO with her?” Nope, no paternal nail painting here, she had to take up electric guitar at 11 for her dad to want to jump in and teach her how to play some mean Led Zeppelin. lol

I firmly believe the better I treat my daughter the higher caliber of boy (or girl, if that happens) she will bring home later.

I limit my involvement, however, to bringing hair scrunchies to activities I worry she may get hot and sweaty participating in with hair all around her neck. I let my ex-wife and her grandmothers discuss those things with her, and in fact, I encourage her to speak with them about these things, and for them to buy her makeup.

My concern is that rather than building her self esteem or bonding with her, I will be confusing her, right or wrong, about gender roles. I am not saving the world, I am trying to raise a daughter who will have satisfying adult relationships.

Never tried nail painting, but I’d figure it out. Some of my favorite pictures are my young nieces reading with me, playing with me, and just being themselves. Looking back I was better at that stuff than I thought. Kids aren’t that hard to figure out. Treat them as little inexperienced adults. They love attention, give it to them.

We did math and word games, and I can still – and will still – kick her ass at Scrabble. But she’ll probably out-gross me in her income next year, and I couldn’t be happier.

And more important than that, she runs her business honestly and ethically, and she enjoys the hell out of it.

And my son is a winner in his ways, too. Because I don’t forget either of them.

I wish I had the opportunity. I’d do it in a heartbeat.
I’d paint her nails right after we finished wiring up her arduino board to detect unicorns.
We’d be discussing her calculus lessons while making collages.
If I had a son we’d have the same agenda – that is if he wants his nails painted.

I would not use the word weird, but I would say unusual. Most men would not know where to start with all those things. But, I do think most men would rise to the challenge for their daughter with at least some of those things in a situation where there was no one else to do them, or to bond if there seemed to be no other activities to bond over.

I say at least a 50/50 chance the dad is gay. I know that is stereotyping, and I am not saying 100%, but I have seen it before. I know plenty of straight men who are very involved with their daughters, and many many straight men who cut and style hair, but all of those things you named together make me think the odds are he possibly is gay. But, if you tell me your gaydar does not go off at all knowing him, I completely accept that he probaby isn’t.

I have an adorable little girl, and the other day she put a pink piece of paper on my head as a tiara because I was a princess at her tea party. I did it because it made her so happy. I’m pretty comfortable in my heterosexuality, but my princess knows how to get me to do anything she wants. If tomorrow she says “daddy, paint my nails” I’ll probably learn how to do it.

@JLeslie Hey you. That pisses me off. My nieces and nephews always trusted me totally. I want to pay that back. If that’s nail polish, tea parties or whatever okay. I’m not pissed at you, but at that idea.

@drhat77 So cute. :) But, it isn’t something you would come up with right? It is because she involved you in her imagination. Asked you to play.

@Adirondackwannabe Read what I just wrote to @drhat77. I don’t think that about dad’s and uncles and grandpas who are going along with the girls and participating.

@JLeslie if she asked me to turn her into a princess I may come up with painting her nails myself. Probably not through because I really don’t know what I’m doing there.

Okay.

it kind of raised my hackles a little too, only because I was in the middle of typing the bit about the pink tiara when @JLeslie unintentionally called me GAY (echoes: gay, gay gay gay)

I did not call anyone gay, not that there is anything wrong with it :). But, most men are not into and don’t know how to paint nails, do hair, nor have the patience to make jewelry. Letting your daughter put a tiara on you and ask you to play tea service is completely different. Unless I misinterpreted the OP and that is all that is happening with the dad she is talking about. I assumed she meant the dad enjoys those things. I don’t mean all dads don’t enjoy interacting with their daughter and adore their imagination and creativity and will go along with whatever pink and sparkly thing they want to do.

But, for instance I was watching Dr. Phil one day, and one dad was all into his little girl doing those toddlers in tiaras beauty contests. He designed her outfits, taught her the routines, and he definitely set off my gaydar, not because of those things, but just looking at him and listening to him, plus add in all those things. My gaydar is very very good. If I think someone is gay I am right 90% of the time. I mean if I meet them. I am not saying on the internet. And, I do not mean all gay men come across as gay, I only mean if I get the feeling they are gay I am usually right.

Hey you haven’t met me. But I’m beat, I’m hitting the hay.

I love how an innocent question was derailed into a hot button issue. I know @JLeslie didn’t call me gay but I just love being a clown too much.
I think these days a different portrait of fatherhood and manhood is being promulgated so you will see fathers doing a lot of things fathers from a generation ago would never be caught dead doing, but it has nothing to do with the destruction of the American Family or hormones in the meat. It’s just a pendulum swing of societal norms.

@drhat77 Well, I hope dads don’t worry about any macho crap thing where they can’t go along with their daughter in imaginary play. I feel very sure my grandpa, dad, or even an uncle would have let me make them a princess or played tea party with me, and I’m 45.

For several years before I had my almost waist-length thick and wavy hair chopped off, my father’s job was to brush (a challenge in the days before conditioner) and braid it. My mother was busy with my little brother and my enfant sister.

I was in third, fourth and fifth grade. It was simply part of our morning routine.

The possibility of my father having been gay is so unthinkable as to be laughable. He was the traditional middle-class bread winner. This would have been in the mid-1940’s.

When my mother decided to have my hair cut. she brought in a woman who cut each braid off…snip, snip…and threw them in the wastebasket. With no one’s knowledge, my father fished them out, wrapped them in tissue paper and stored them in a Lord & Taylor glove box. Years later I found the box and the braids in our attic.

@JLeslie I’m sure a generation ago, most dads, if asked to play tea party or paint nails would, chuckle, then tell their brat to run a long while daddy has a beer. (now who’s sterotyping?)

^^^ See what I wrote about my dad, please.

@gailcalled see I called it, I was stereotyping unfairly. I owe me 5 bucks.

@gailcalled What your father did was not what I was talking about.

As my sister and I grew older, our father was awkward and stern with us. It is sometimes hard to imagine those early morning moments of tenderness, looking back.

@JLeslie: Most men are not into…and don’t know how to do hair

@gailcalled I said Most men would not know where to start with all those things. All being a key word. Plus, the OP made it sound like the dad enjoyed those things, that it was not just a chore to help get the girls ready in the morning. Girls have to have their hair done before they leave the house, making jewelry and painting nails is a different thing.

You know what? Forget I said anything. No one is going to listen to the differentiation I am making, they are just going to be annoyed I made a statement about a stereotype. I don’t know exactly the situation @chyna is asking about, and I am not assuming the gentleman is gay, but no one is going to see that.

I just want to add the reason I made the assumption that the dad in question is actually proactive about wanting to do these specific activities is because I can’t imagine anyone finding it odd that a dad would go along with any of these things if their little girls wanted them to play along. It seems like the most natural thing in the world to go along with a little girls pretending.

@chyna Sorry about the Q, I hope more jellies come in and answer without getting caught up on my first answer.

My ex-husband has primary physical custody of our three daughters. He happily jumped in to paint their nails and ‘do’ their hair when we split up. I always thought that was great. He’s a good dad.

Wow. My husband has painted both our girls’ nails, has done their hair, has let them style his hair with glittery clips and barrettes, and has played a game called Pretty Pretty Princess with them and went so far as to wear all the jewelry for the game, including the clip on earrings. I wonder if he’s gay…

@JLeslie Not even close to a 50/50 chance. My husband is about as far from gay as you can get. He just knows how to interact with his daughters. That’s one of the strangest things I’ve ever seen you say.

I did all the “girly” stuff when she was little, nails, hair, playing with Barbies, she even put lipstick on me, god I looked good enough to eat.
My kids are my kids, absolutely no boundaries confined by gender, bugger that for a game of soldiers.
She’s 14 now & if I ever so much as hinted at doing her nails now, well…it wouldn’t be pretty.

@JLeslie I understand the differentiation you are making but I disagree. I think a guy can suggest to paint his little girl’s nails and it not really that different from going along with her suggesting it.
And don’t worry, if people thought less of me every time I stuck my foot in it, there wouldn’t be anything left of me.

@drhat77 It’s not the suggestion, it is more about how the dad enjoys it. Enjoying it because it is with his daughter and she enjoys it is different than enjoying it as something the dad would want to do even if he didn’t have a daughter. Again, just because a man likes to paint nails, do hair, and make jewelry doesn’t necessarily mean he is gay, but maybe, just maybe, @chyna‘s friends when she said “weird” was also thinking maybe the guy is gay. What does she mean by weird? We have no idea. Maybe her husband would never do such a thing because he is a jerk.

I spent most of my life around gay men. I kind of know which stereotypes tend to pan out, but it is not 100% of course. Stereotypes never are, sometimes they are dead wrong. My friends and I knew those two married guys were gay, and both men eventually wound up leaving their wives for men eventually. I knew my BIL was gay and when he finally came out in his late 30’s early 40’s (I can’t remember how old he was anymore my memory is slipping) he came out to me first. Me, the inlaw, because I had dropped hints I knew. Funny, my aunt came up to me at my wedding, years before he came out and said, “I didn’t know your husband’s brother is gay.” She decided that just by meeting him at my wedding briefly. Fluther would be up in arms if she said that after a 3 minute conversation and being at the same party for two hours. He is a walking stereotype, but it isn’t like he dresses or acts flamboyantly, not at all, it isn’t that sort of stereotype. At the same time I sometimes take ballet and most of the men I know in the ballet are straight, which I think goes against the stereotype many people have, although, there are more gay men as a percentage in ballet then out in the general population.

I have no idea the actual case with the gentleman in question, because I made too many assumptions since I think it is absurd for anyone to question a man playing with his daughter; even dress up; unless they suspect something from being around him to begin with. So, I guess simply put I agree with everyone on the Q that there is nothing weird about it and I do think it is bonding, just as the OP said herself.

But, I appreciate you stating your understanding.

This question took a turn I didn’t even think about. The question was really about men doing “girly” things with their daughters such as braiding their hair and painting their nails. Fathers in my generation didn’t do that.
@JLeslie No, no one thinks the father is gay because he does that. And I’m not sure about your statement :maybe her husband would never do such a thing because he is a jerk.” Do you mean my husband? I don’t have one, but if he didn’t do those things, it wouldn’t make him a jerk.

@chyna No, the woman who thinks it’s weird. If her husband would not play dress up with his daughter if she wanted to maybe he is a jerk. But, maybe she is your generation, and as you said most dads would not do that. I don’t remember your age, but as I said I think my dad and grandfathers would have played along.

However, my dad never would have helped me get primped to get ready to leave the house, not if my mom was available to do it. He couldn’t have done it well, he can barely primp himself.

You know, it’s like doing some of those things may not have to do with what’s between one’s legs. Crazy shit. I think it’s fine.

I don’t have any girls but I can’t imagine my ex doing “girlie” things with one if we did.

@chyna Does your friend think it’s weird if a mother plays in the dirt with trucks, baseball, dinosaurs, matchbox racing, and other “boyish” with her boys? (That’s puts me way up on the weird-o-meter if so)

Sorry if this has been asked. I didn’t read it in any replies.

@Ela No, my friend is a guy that doesn’t think this is a “gay” thing as someone posted above, but that he can’t imagine his big hands being able to braid a little girls hair or being able to paint little finger nails without messing up.

Oh I see. Well in that case, he should find it somewhat amazing I’d think. : )

I don’t think a guy who paints his little girls nails, braids her hair and does the make up – tea party thing is at all “gay” I think they are quite the opposite. Comfortable, confident men, imo.

I say I couldn’t see my ex doing it mainly because of the way he was raised. He was often torn between “manly” and being okay with something not seen as “manly” (Example being when I got one of our boys Barbies (because he wanted them) and Littlest Pet Shop) He would frown and scoff to me about it but he never said anything to the boys so I have to give him credit for that.