Have you ever felt like anything was wrong with your private parts to the point that you felt insecure about them? (Possibly NSFW)

Guy here.

I’m ‘happy’ for lack of a better word with what my genitalia looks like. I’ve received compliments that were definitely unsolicited. The only thing I guess I’m unhappy about is the size. I’m average in that respect, nothing to write home about.

Sorry, didn’t read the article.

This is the consequence of a sexually repressive culture. When kids hit the right age, they need to be exposed to anatomically accurate information about the reproductive organs in sex Ed. It also shows the harm of “censoring” porn by airbrushing out the labia minora.

As for forcing women to look through a series of images of “normal” labias before undergoing labiaplasty, I think that crosses a line. People should have the freedom to modify their bodies, provided they are fully informed of the risks and consequences and are of legal age, without having to “jump through hoops.” Is this really that different than adult males undergoing circumcision to look more “normal”?

I don’t have a perfect porn star vulva, but I’m lucky enough not to be “flappy” either, for which I am grateful. I’m pretty happy with what I’m working with. My husband also happens to have very attractive genitalia.

They don’t call it “bumping uglies” for no reason.

I’ve never really thought about it, except after I had my son. Then it was just curiosity to see whether/how things would change.

@livelaughlove21 “Flappy”? lol That’s a great way to put it.
I am also grateful that I am not flappy!

(male) I’ve never cared. I was born with the equipment that I have. It’s not like I am going to (or even could) change how it looks. So this is a non-worry.

No, never.

No comment. Private parts are called private for a reason.

It never occurred to me that people would worry about how their parts looked. It’s not like they are out in the open for everyone to see. This is something I’ve never worried about, even after having two vaginal births.

I agree with @gorillapaws. Even this thread has critical statements in it. Flappy? That is not at all unattractive to me. The idea that everyone should look the same is an almost shaming statement.

Reconstructive surgery that is done for another medically necessary reason is one thing, but plastic surgery for “esthetic” reasons should require counseling and a bit of grounding in reality.

I never had thought about it at all when I was younger. I honestly never had really realized girls might have very different vulvas when I was younger. I had seen porn mags and video, but I guess I never even really focused on exactly what a girls vulva looked like, so I was never comparing mine to anyone else’s. Then once in college when a freidn was changing in front of me I happen to notice her vulva was “large?” I could see it a little when she was simply there naked. I still didn’t think much of it, but I did like that I am all kind of tucked in. Now I see the flappy comment, which I have never heard before, this honestly is something I have never heard conversation about really, and wonder if women with larger vulvas feel self conscious. I didn’t realize vulvas are air brushed out either from another comment above. I haven’t looked at porn in a long time. I was aware some women get repair surgery to tighten up, revirginize, and also to supposedly make the area look better, but I never really understood what could look so bad?

I have had quite a bit of GYN medical problems as some of you know, and had a small part of my vulva removed, and I surprised myself when I burst into tears afterwards for the loss, even though it was very small. No one would ever know I had it removed, literally it was just a few milimeters. I can’t imagine willingly altering that part of my body.

@JLeslie In Japan, the actual naughty bits are pixellated. Some think this is the reason that Japanese video pornography takes BDSM, bukake, and other such “atypical” sex acts to extremes.

@Seek_Kolinahr What is BDSM?

During the early seventies, when feminism began to emerge, there were many womens’ groups, at least in NYC where I was living. Being too busy with two very young children, I read about and learned vicariously and do regret now that I never attended one.

The grest trigger was “Ms” magazine.

”...the American liberal feminist magazine co-founded by American feminist and activist Gloria Steinem and founding editor Letty Cottin Pogrebin[4] together with founding editors Mary Thom, Patricia Carbine, Joanne Edgar, Nina Finkelstein, and Mary Peacock, that first appeared in 1971 as an insert in New York magazine.”

There were jolly photos of women, seated in a circle, and holding mirrors up to their genitals while drinking coffee, smoking and laughing. We secretly felt better for knowing that we were all normal, even though Georgia O“Keefe had showed us this truism in the late teens, twenties, and thirties and forties.

Here is her “Red Canna,” fondly also known as “vagina flowers.”

O’keefe’s lover and then husband Alfried Steiglitz referred to her genitalia as “MIss Fluffy.”

“Bondage, Dominance, Sadism, Masochism”

Edit: Source(magazine) for the “Ms.” information.

I was never insecure about the natural state of my genitalia, but after I developed a rectovaginal fistula it was hard for a really long time to see myself as desirable in any way. It’s just an objectively gross medical problem and I had a hard time believing that any guy would be able to look past it. My boyfriend has, which I’m still kind of in a state of appreciative disbelief about, but it took me a long time to feel comfortable having sex with him for many reasons.

Anyway, I’m all for people having the choice to do what they want with their bodies, but I personally cannot fathom having any surgery for cosmetic reasons, and particularly surgery down there. I had to have a small operation for my issue and it was horrendous pain for months. Way more risk than it’s worth; I’d rather just spend the time and mental effort to accept the natural state of my body. Of course my opinion is different when it comes to girls like the one in the article, who did it for medical reasons.

@gailcalled Maybe because I grew up in the seventies and early 80’s I was in a climate of women’s bodies are beautiful and normal and that is why I was rather oblivious to being overcritical of my girly parts. My family also was rather open about their bodies and comfortable. I did want bigger breasts for a while, so I guess I was influenced somewhat by what was around me. I never wanted surgery, just impatient as a young teen for them to get bigger.

I’ve never heard of a labioplasty before; sounds painful and unnecessary. Showing pictures of realistic ones is a good idea in my opinion.

I’ve never really been insecure about my genitalia, though I am uncircumcised and I know how common circumcision is in the United States. And I had been told by straight guys [online] that women hate uncircumcised penises and they won’t touch them and find them gross/disgusting and well…glad I’m gay if that’s true. But the more I came to realize that in other parts of the world, they don’t do what they do here and the more I came to be opposed to routine infant circumcision, the more I came to like being intact. It’s never caused me a problem with any sexual encounter I’ve had. (And yes, I have heard of guys wanting circumcisions for cosmetic reasons).

@Mariah I can really identify with that. Removing part of my vulva was because I had an extreme amount of pain there. At my worst I felt like men would not desire me because there was something wrong with me. I mean the chronic pain, not the small piece of me that was removed. If a man’s penis hurt all the time I would be wary to have sex with him. I mean why does his dick hurt? I know yours was not so mysterious, but my problems were not diagnosed easily. It did interfere with my sex life, I was married at the time; but, mostly because I was in pain. It is one of the most upsetting things in my life honestly. I hope you are able to deal with this sort of thing better than I was able to.

Does your vulva look very different? Or, when you say it is gross, do you just mean the idea of the leakage from the fistula or something else? I think most men are so clueless about medical stuff, and like having sex so much, they don’t think about it the way women do. The details are not in their mind. I know my husband would just think, but it’s fixed right? No problem then.

@DominicX Hopefully that will change in coming years. Circumcision is falling out of favor with the nonreligous crowd. My young son was so confused when he saw his friend’s cut penis. “Why did they cut off your penis?” A year later he’s still kind of freaked out about it and asks sometimes.

I too find the term “flappy” another indication of what perverted ideas the media have planted in the minds of young girls and women.

@gailcalled I can just hear my grandma saying something like, “flappy? Those women give more sexual pleasure to men because of their anatomy, how ridiculous that people think it is unnatractive.” I’m just making that up, but she usually came up with something similar when people were saying and doing things to their sexual areas that she disagreed with. Like the trend to extremely trim or shave the girly parts. She thought that was just awful and insisted the hair provided less friction and stimulation during sex.

@JLeslie Sorry you’ve been through all that. I have also found this tough to deal with, especially because it was happening around the time that I was trying to lose my virginity. I was terrified of being burned on my first time. I trusted my boyfriend plenty but there was still that lingering fear that he’d take one look at me, say “ew,” and I’d never be the same again.

It is not terribly visible. My boyfriend said he never would have noticed it if I hadn’t pointed it out. It’s just the symptoms that gross me out. I mean I can literally fart out my vagina. It doesn’t happen often, but just the fact that that is something my body can do makes me feel a little repulsive. My boyfriend has been great about everything, fortunately.

@Mariah I am in no way trying to minimize what you have said, but I hope this helps. You may not realize that women sometimes “fart” out of their vaginas after sex. It’s just air getting trapped and we can push the air out. I assume you literally mean you can have an intestinal fart? So it might be different, but my point is sex can have all sorts of sounds even when everything is normal.

It makes sense the whole sex thing was more scary for you since you had not lost your virginity yet, I sympathasize with your emotions over that. I had a different mess going on in my head. Having had lost my virginity years before my problems started was a gift in a way, because I knew what sex was for me even in the face of doctors telling me everything was nornal and therapists trying to tell me I need to explore my relationship with my father and others saying I need to relax and get myself more aroused. All totally ridiculous.

Other than the fact that I urinate through my testicles? No.

I completely understand the insecurities of the women who want labioplasty. It’s about time that teenagers get taught what real bodies are supposed to look like, so that they don’t become adults who feel like they have to do this. But it is still their choice, and may want to for medical reasons, so I’m not totally against this surgery.