If you were really poor, would it frustrate you to have relatives who give you expensive, but frivolous, gifts for Christmas or your birthday?

Oh yeah, I remember in my early 20’s I was trying to live on ramen noodles and brown beans, bologna sandwiches and my gma was giving me a china cabinet filled with gold-rimmed treasures, bless her heart. I ended up pawning some to my landlord, I really regret that.

Say I hadn’t even two pennies to rub together, i’d be proper pissed if someone bought me a piggy bank :(

Not if they had pre-filled the piggy bank!

Yeh & then found it was just chocolate coins, ahh…comfort eating!

I just remembered some sage advise my Dad gave me once. He said it was important to always have a “pad of $1,000 in your checking account for emergencies.” I could only stare at him open-mouthed. I guess I should be proud of how well I sheltered them from how desperate I was!

Sell it all! Get your kids stuff. I probably would do that, for sure.

It used to annoy me too. There I was figuring out how to pay the electricity and some guy gave me a foot massage coupon worth a fortune. I was annoyed and dumped him. (I just felt if he couldn’t see me there was no point). I agree with @Simone_De_Beauvoir sell it.

Oh, those times are long gone…..But I sure keep them in mind when I buy something for my daughter!

Yes it would frustrate me. I would want very practical gifts or cash. I tend to be practical even when I have money. Frivilous gifts and purchases usually feel wasteful to me and make me uncomfortable. Whether I am buying or receiving. Not always, because I am appreciative of the thought no matter what, and sometimes a frivilous gift still has some sort of deep meaning or special attention to my likings. But, really, I can barely pay for food and someone buys me wine or flowers? Can I return them for cash?

If the gift giver knew about your financial situation, it seems thoughtless. However, I see you apparently sheltered your family from your own issues.

I always know when my family is in dire straits because they ask me for money.

Well, I live alone, so I would not mind. Besides, I could always sell it on ebay.

Thankfully, almost everyone gave me money after I graduated rather than goods. The one person who did give me a gift, received a heartfelt thank you, but I exchanged it for store credit. Almost of the money I received went into groceries for the summer, gas, unexpected car repairs, and savings.

I try hard to be a practical person. My family still struggles to make ends meet and I am preparing for the worst when my SO and I are on our own. I must look like a dragon hoarding money to everybody else, but I really don’t want to be in a situation where I can’t afford to eat for the month.

I would not feel guilty pawning or selling luxury items that were received as gifts. My parents had to do their fair share of that to keep us afloat when I was a kid, including selling many items they had had since they got married.

It is the thought that counts with a gift and these gifts seem thoughtless. I would feel offended by them.

They knew, but preferred to ignore it @YARNLADY, and I didn’t bring it up. I asked to borrow money one time. It was while I was going through my divorce. I knew my finances were going to tank and I wanted to re-fi the house to save $40 a month on the payments. I had to make an extra payment, $540.00, before I could do it. I called my dad and asked to borrow the money and I would repay him in January. All hell broke loose. His wife got on the phone and screamed at me that it was time for me to stand on my own two feet and I shouldn’t have to borrow money and yadda yadda. I was floored. I had been married for 10 years, we had made a comfortable living, I had 3 kids, had never asked them for anything, ever.
However, I had a little sister who was a mooch. You could never criticize her ‘cause you were afraid she’d just go commit suicide. So I’m pretty sure they were just venting on me, because they couldn’t vent on her.
The next day my dad called and apologized. They had been drinking and over reacted. He said I could borrow the money. I said never mind, and the subject of money never, ever came up again.

If I were really poor, I would make cookies for people and package them as prettily as possible. That would be my gift to them. If they wanted to give me something frivolous, I would accept it (as I do any gift) with a smile and lots of gratitude.

That’s what I did @jca.

I have a father in law who is 100% financially supporting his stepdaughter and her four illegitimate kids. the woman is older than me and has never had a job. ever.

The man has seen my son – the only son of his only son – about six times in his life. He lives about a three hour drive away. He mails my son a birthday card with a $25 bookstore gift card.

jerk.

Geez.

Two words: Pawn Shop

Please don’t resent any gift that you receive. The giver may be misguided, but he/she spent time, effort, and money trying to make you happy.

When you open a box and find an expensive piece of jewelry, I fully understand why you’d rather have groceries for your table or shoes for your children’s feet. The giver, however, only wanted to treat you to a luxury – something that you couldn’t afford and that will be special to you.

It’s best to have sincere gratitude for the kind thoughts. It isn’t difficult to separate the giver’s intent from the tangible gift.

Then, you can return the item to the store, sell it on eBay, or take it to a consignment shop. Or, you can re-gift it to a friend who’s struggling financially and could really enjoy some pretty jewelry. Tee hee…been there, done that.

@SadieMartinPaul Return to a store fine, with the receipt. But, selling it on ebay drives me crazy, because it is going to most likely sell for less than the giver paid for it. It’s money on the street, when money was needed to begin with. Re-gift ok. But, jewelry? I’ve never regifted jewelry. I guess you can. I regift wine, candles, and lotion all the time.

@JLeslie I’ve re-gifted jewelry! :-)

243 Jelly Rd. Clearwater, FL. LOL, just kidding.

@SadieMartinPaul They didn’t have ebay back when this was going on. Pawn Shops only give you cents on the dollar. I just accepted them with sincere thanks The total lack of….care about me and the kids is what really hurt. They didn’t want to know.

I used to live in Clearwater, @JLeslie!

@Dutchess_III How nice it would have been if your loved ones had given you a little something for your birthday – maybe just a token of thoughtfulness – AND helped out when you and your kids were in desperate times.

Yes, but that didn’t happen. There was an unspoken stigma in our family about being poor, especially in regards to my dad and his wife. My mom, not so much, but it was emotionally easier to just kind of leave her in the dark. I remember her asking why I never bought paper towels because they were so cheap. I just shrugged my shoulders and said I preferred to use wash clothes. Didn’t tell her I couldn’t afford them. Or trash sacks. Or foil. Or plastic food storage bags.

The whole thing was really odd when you consider both of my parents were raised DIRT poor.

@Dutchess_III I’m always interested in attitudes about poverty. Often, it seems that if people ignore or deny the problem, they think it’ll magically go away.

I’ve had a friend for many years. I love everything about her except her politics, which are radically right-wing. She doesn’t believe in paying taxes (although she was 100% behind the Afghanistan and Iraq wars; apparently, both conflicts were self-funded). She absolutely hates government (I guess those same wars were waged by private corporations). She has utter disdain for anyone who isn’t wealthy and privileged.

What’s so odd about all this is that she’s alive thanks to public assistance. Some years ago, she had Stage IV cancer. She was too sick to work, and she couldn’t afford health insurance or housing. She got by on disability checks, Medicaid, and subsidized housing.

She miraculously recovered and married an extremely successful, well-off man. Now that she’s the pampered housewife of a rich husband, she’s forgotten all about her own ideal. Anyone who doesn’t lives in a mansion or have a live-in nanny is lazy and stupid.

The hypocrisy is stunning, isn’t it @SadieMartinPaul. My sister and BIL are regular church goers, yet they disdained me when I was poor.

@SadieMartinPaul That type of hypocrisy makes me sick.

@Dutchess_III That makes me very said.

@Dutchess_III Stunning and inexplicable. So often, it’s the bible-thumpers who care the least about their fellow man, including helpless children and the elderly. You’d think that a person’s own life experiences would make the individual wiser and more compassionate about suffering. Sadly, that often isn’t the case.

My sister is SO into money. At one point one of her daughters was dating the son of a judge. Lex kept gushing about the fact that he was a judge’s son, and wasn’t that awesome and on and on. I finally said, “Well, what is he like and how does he treat Mary?” She pulled up short at that, but quickly came back with “Oh, he is AWSOME! He treats Mary like a queen! He is just wonderful!”

@SadieMartinPaul What it is, is they see their case as unique, whereas everyone else is a loser.

@Dutchess_III Your sister is blissfully unaware that judges make very little money. People accept judgeships for the prestige, not to get wealthy.

Federal judges – there are very few of them, and they need to be politically appointed and legislatively confirmed – earn in the low six-figures. Other judges receive little more than stipends. Many of them take judgeships post-retirement, after they’ve acquired personal wealth and can afford to work for fun.

Lex might want to do an online search and find the father-judge’s salary. She may be quite surprised.

It was the status thing. That fling is over anyway. She was a teenager then.