Grief, when does the sadness end?

I’m so sorry for your loss. It takes a long time. How long did you know each other? Did you see her often? How long it takes to accept she is gone and move on usually partly has to do with how close you were and how interwoven she was in your life. I also assume your brother (was she married to your brother, or is she your husband’s sister? I don’t know the exact relation) is grieving badly and that also muct affect you watching his sadness.

@JLeslie I am married to her brother. We saw each other usually once a week or once every other week but we usually talked on the phone. We got together with her and her husband and played cards and went to dinner and had fun together. They, as a couple, were the main part of our social circle. We had the same interests and got along really well. My husband is on the road and says that he thinks it helps him deal with it. He was the closest of all the siblings to her. I am helping her husband handle things and we talk about her but the situation sucks. She should be here with us. I think I am still in denial but feel so sad that I must really believe she is gone. So many emotions, I just don’t know how to handle them.

Well, completely understandable this is rather devastating for you. I really think it will take a few months until you start feeling normal again. By normal I mean actually get through a series of days where the loss does not pop into your head and bring you down. It’s very sad. How did she die? Don’t feel like you have to tell me, it’s up to you of course. How old was she? I am assuming you all are rather young.

Time is really the only thing that will dull your loss and turn to the good memories.

A bereavement group might help you process your grief by talking about it.

Stay occupied with something fun and positive.

Wait about six months.

Unless you are trying not to, you will get over it. Not saying you will love it, just that you will get over it.

Well it’s not easy but the only advice I can give is that you try to remember the good things about that person and talk as much as possible about it to any willing friends or family members. Keep yourself occupied and surround yourself with positivity and positive people.

The only advice I can give about this is to slog through the grief. Over time, it actually does get better. But I don’t think there is a good way to skip through the healing process. I actually think of grieving as a sacred time.
Sorry for your loss.

I’m so sorry for your loss. I will give you the advice that my dad gave me when a friend of mine died. He said, you never get over it – you just get through it.” 5 years later, it still hurts, but time has helped to take away some of the intensity.

I’m sorry for your loss. Her memory will probably always bring you a mixture of sadness and joy. As far as the fog lifting, that will take many weeks to many months. Staying busy is the best thing.

Maybe you coud run a race to raise money for her favorite cause. Training would keep you moving and out of the house moping around and allow you to meditate on your friend’s memory in a positive way that could do some real good in the world in her name. It’s just an example, there are obviously other ways to keep distracted in a positive manner. Best wishes.

The sadness leaves when you grow weary of carrying it.

Carry it as long as you need to.

I lost my husband about 4 years ago.  I can testify to the fact that it never gets any easier.

Still four years later my heart feels like it has a big hole in it and it’s a gaping wound that just can’t be fixed.

The only solace I can give you is that the day will come and I unfortunately can’t be specific but your tears and cries of mourning will soften and eventually one day you will surprise yourself at the faint sound of laughter while telling a funny story of your lived one instead of bursting into tears.  And at that time you may realize it’s time to move forward and that your loved one is always with you in your memory and no one can ever take that from you.  One of life’s special gifts.

It never really gets better but we learn to adapt to the situation in our own way, and you will find your own way, everything you are feeling is perfectly normal.

I’m very sorry for your loss. ❤

In my experience, the “sadness” never goes away, you simply get distracted by day-to-day life. The pain does dull, you forgot for a time, but then… something reminds you of them, and you’re briefly sad again.

But ya know what — it’s okay. It might even be a good thing to remember from time to time. Why would you want to forget someone who was special to you.

I’m terribly sorry for your loss.

Oh, sweetie, I’m so sorry for your grief and sorrow.

Please let yourself mourn. You’ve had a profound loss.

You might never stop missing your sister-in-law. But, the rawness does fade with time. Eventually, your pain will give way to good memories, and you’ll somehow learn how to live despite her absence.

This is no lie: there are tears running down my face as I type this message. You’ve gripped my heart.

My sincere condolences as you go through the period of grieving. At my age, I’ve had to experience this pain all too often. The toughest was when my daughter died 2 days after giving birth to my first grandchild. But even that pain eventually fades and laughter does return. Just remember all those who would be stricken without you, and for their sake as well as to honor the memory of your sister-in-law, carry on.

I’m grateful to you for asking for other jellies’ help here. Many of us have had some version of this awful experience and I believe it helps us all to read all these intelligent, warmhearted responses.

Losing this wonderful friend will always hurt. So sad for you.

Grief is like illness. It very seldom kills us, but it makes us feel wrong, crazy, unnatural, helpless, and it takes a long time to recover from each confusing phase of it. You have to allow it to proceed. Let people take care of you as if you were ill. You’re not sick or crazy, but you’ve suffered something as damaging as being hit by a truck. You can’t be your old self. A bit at a time you’ll notice your recognizable self, deeper.

Love love love love love love love to you.

No question, you need to take time to mourn and that’s a very personal reaction. But think. How long would your friend want you to be sorrowful? I liked @gorillapaws‘s suggestion about working on a cause that your friend found important. She’ll be with you as you do that and you’ll feel her comfort. And you’ll find your smile and your sorrow will turn to good memories. I wish you comfort and patience.

Right now, I think it’s important to accept you are sad. You will probably be sad for a while, and struggling against that will not help. Give yourself a break.
I lost a friend less than three months ago, and I was “out of it” for what felt like a long time. But it got better. I still get sad unexpectedly, but I feel like I am myself again.
While we probably weren’t as close as you and your sister in law, I promise things will get back to normal. Hugs.

Thank you all for your kind words. I think you are right that I need the grief to runs its course. I have had many losses in my life but for some reason this one seems to make me so sad. It was unexpected and maybe that is why but I am trying to remember the good times we shared and let go of the anger I feel. I want to be able to help my brother-in-law and my husband and the rest of the family but I feel so useless some times-not being able to get out of my own way (sadness). I really appreciate the support all you ‘jellies’ have given me as I continue to grieve and remember.

@Pooh54 Hugs to you.

Grief doesn’t end, you just learn how to live with it.