What do you think of this situation with my sister?

If your sister did not have her daughter’s permission, it was so inappropriate and offensive that i can hardly stand it. When the little girl (which she surely is) finds out, she will feel furious, embarrassed, betrayed and frustrated.

MY mother told her best friend (I was able to hear them chatting in the living room when I was in my bdrm with the door open. I was almost 12, and can still remember my feelings of rage, humiliation and disbelief. i was too afraid to confront my mother.

I would wade in with your sister and plead that she take the comment down. Shame on her.

Good for you; the daughter, it would seem, needs an auntie advocate.

I think it’s odd and in poor taste. The last thing I wanted was to talk about it to anyone other than my besty, I ran mom off and read the tampon box in private- lol

I would go so far as to label it abusive. In her powerful position of motherhood, she should protect, not exploit, her daughter’s private matters.

Afterthought. This is a huge ordeal for your niece.

I’m glad I’m not the only one that finds this completely inappropriate.

What if she did have her permission? I’m not sure if she did or not. I still wouldn’t post it. She’s 9, they change their minds more often than their underwear, and she may not be thinking clearly about it now. I think this should be kept private unless she put it on her own Facebook (Which she has, at nine. Don’t get me started…). Even then, I might say something like, “Are you sure about that?”

Good point about the inappropriateness even w. permission.

How is your psychic energy? Up for the fight (which is a deserving one)?

@livelaughlove21 I hate to even mention this, but I’m going to. You know some men with pedophilia tendencies may be interested (old enough to bleed, is old enough for me). It’s sick and twisted, but it’s true.

When I was 11 and told my mother I had blood coming out down there she made an announcement to the family and I was mortified – especially since I had not been given any warning or education about menstruation. It turns out the blood was from a raging bladder infection – most likely a result of being molested. But neither my mother nor the pediatrician considered that. My bladder has not been normal ever since. Needless to say, when I did get my real period a year or so later, I didn’t tell my mother – and I still hadn’t been educated about menstruation.

Needless to say, I would never make an announcement like that if I had a daughter, and if she was getting her period at 9 – which seems waaaaay early, I’d be medically concerned.

Sorry, a little attention seeking behaviour on the mom’s part. Good for you for confronting your sister.

All I can say is, Wow! My daughter is 9 and I would never do this. I would also be very embarrassed for any of her classmates if their moms did this.

Social media is really getting on my nerves. I don’t understand why people make some of their most private moments public. It makes me sick.

@gailcalled I decided to call my mother to see if she knew. My sister and niece live with her. She had no clue and was outraged. She told me she’d make certain that post is deleted when my sister gets home from work. If you ask me, though, the damage could already be done. Not sure what I can do at this point. My mom told me my niece didn’t even tell her grandpa, who she lives with, so why would she want all of my sister’s friends and our extended family to know?

@hearkat I thought it was too early as well. I got mine at 12. But three of her peers have gotten theirs as well (I know because they’re family), so I’m not so sure. Seems everything is happening too early for kids these days.

@livelaughlove21: Sounds like a good and direction solution under the circumstances. How old is your sis? Why is she living with your mom?

Will your mother explain to your sister why her behavior was so shockingly inapprppriate and unparental?

The daughter has to be told in case it leaks back to her, which it may, given the speed that info flys around these days.

My daughter will be 3 next month. I have a rule I try hard to keep. If I wouldn’t share the information if it were about myself, I won’t share it on FB. I may have fudged this a few times, but I really do try. I never posted about her bowel movements or diaper blowouts when she was a baby. I TRY not to post her potty training mistakes though I think I may have goofed on this once or twice. When she grows up, I won’t be posting about her period or her first trip to the gynocologist.

I try not to post things that would humiliate my daughter when she gets old enough to read my old FB posts. I try not to post anything that I personally would get grossed out about if someone posted it about their kid. I try not to post anything that would be inapropriate if I posted it about an adult.

I have deleted posts because I goofed. I try really hard to follow my own rules, but sometimes it’s too tempting to share my struggles with my daughter refusing to use the potty or whatnot. I’ve never had anyone complain about anything I posted about my daughter except for when I posted a breastfeeding pic. And I had no remorse about that. It was more “embarrassing” for me instead of her. I think if someone said something to the tune of TMI on one of my posts, I’d delete it.

I think it is appalling that she thinks it is OK to:

1. Post about menstruating on Facebook.

2. Post anything so intimate about your 9-year-old daughter in a public forum.

If it was me, I would beg her to take it down.

Try reading STFU Parents: if you want to see examples of what NOT to post about your kids on FB. Also, if someone really gets on your nerves, you can send a screen cap of their post to the site administrator. Don’t worry, they take out the kids names and the parents last name. This site has kept me more in line than anything else. I don’t ever want to end up on STFU Parents!

I find it inappropriate and appalling.

I’m going to skirt the ICK! (pedophillia, molestation), and add some tangential points that were alluded to.
Menstruation has been getting steadily younger. Some people blame growth hormones in the meat, dioxin everywhere (dioxin has estrogenic properties), but the reason that sits the best in my mind is increase of childhood obesity. Fat cells release Estrone, which is a weak estrogen. But the more fat you have, the more estrone you make. That’s why obese men have trouble getting erections, obese women get poly-cystic ovaries, and it seems to be why puberty is hitting younger.
Also, I usually like to play devil’s advocate, but I’m wracking my brain and I cannot find a reason that our computer overlords who are waiting in the wings really need to know about your niece’s menstruation. Seriously, they can figure that out from her increased sanitary product purchasing.

I bet the poor kid catches hell at at school.

Your sister needs to be hit with a 2 X 4. Is she always that clueless? I would report it.

Next month you need to post, “My sister is having a really rough period this month. She’s bleeding through her tampex and her pads and into her underwear, and has to change pads and tampex and underwear every hour. Talk about a REAL woman! I just thought you all should know.”

I did once mention to mixed company that my wife couldn’t go in the ocean that day due to sharks. I still walk with a limp.

I raise my children. I don’t raise other folks’ children.

I personally think it was in poor taste, but, if that’s the most tasteless thing you ever see on Facebook, or the Internet in general, you’re doing pretty well.

@Blondesjon i’m sure OP wouldn’t step into a friend’s or friend of friend’s family, but she was asking what to do about her sister, and she has some familial obligation to her niece.

I agree @drhat77. I think it’s the fact that it’s going to have a negative impact on her niece, who I assume she loves, is the biggest factor in her concern. This isn’t some random stranger’s kid.

Inappropriate, highly inappropriate and it makes me wonder what kind of a mother your sister is to be quite honest.

@gailcalled My sister is 31. She lives at home for the same reason many other adult kids live at home past their welcome: shit job, shit money management skills, shit decisions in life. She’s actually moving out this weekend – with her ex girlfriend, her current girlfriend, and their two kids. She’ll probably never really be independent. She’s also addicted to narcotics.

@Dutchess_III She’s actually already bullied in school, which makes this even worse. I don’t think my sister has any of her daughter’s classmates or their parents added on Facebook; she has under 100 “friends,” but still…

Oh, it’ll get around to them @livelaughlove21.

@flutherother Facebook is the impulse buy of the world of communication (so is Twitter, but there’s only so much indignity that can fit into 140 characters). An airhead thought pops into your brain, it used to be people would censor it before it reached anyone, let alone everyone. But nowadays, you can be on the can, think up something stoopid, and have the whole world know about it before you can think twice. And as easy as it is to post to FB from your “smart“phone, you have to find a real computer, log on (do you remember you password? it usually takes me a few tries), and delete posts from there. It’s the perfect storm of a whole spectrum of embarrassment.

@drhat77 . . . Then perhaps it would be better for her to address her sister’s narcotics addiction instead?

@Blondesjon I won’t. My family has been dealing with this for about 5 years. I don’t involve myself anymore. Nothing I have to say will be helpful.

@livelaughlove21 I am sorry that have to deal with this whole situation.

“My little girl entered womanhood today!” A 9-year-old is not a woman because her vagina is bleeding, but that’s beside the point.
That truly is a different point but valid all the same.

Seeing that the child is a minor and under the care and authority of the parents, the parents have all the right to do as they please within the law of the land regarding their children; just as if they wanted to search the possessions of their children for lost, maybe stolen articles. While it might have been unthinkable in the days when I was a boy to ever hear a parent announce it in open forum today seems to be a whole new climate. In the day I was a boy you would not have schools handing out condoms even if the parent knew they were, and certainly not without the parents knowing their child was getting them from school. In short, it is the parent’s call to make and the rest of us just have to live with it, and the child has to also; just like many other rules, choices, etc made for them by their parents.

@Dutchess_III Even reading your post made me cringe, arrghhhhh, I would DIE if you posted that on my fb, which is why I have to approve posts like that personally. That would be revenge for sure, like ‘never forgive you for that’ revenge.

And I wouldn’t expect you to forgive me, ever, Sista!

@Hypocrisy_Central No one is talking about the legality of what she did. Just because something is legal doesn’t make it right.

And like @Dutchess_III said, this isn’t some random Facebook friend. I have a right to be concerned about how my niece will feel about what my sister did.

As for the kid, children should be able to trust their parents to make acceptable decisions in their best interest, not ones that will potentially exploit and embarrass them. And if such a decosion is made, I believe that error should be pointed out and corrected. If I had a kid and posted something like this about them, I’d expect people to tell me how inappropriate it is.

” Just because something is legal doesn’t make it right.” I just had to second that.

@livelaughlove21 No one is talking about the legality of what she did. Just because something is legal doesn’t make it right.
I certainly agree, there are a lot of things that go on today that are not right but they are legal. In this case the mother has the authority to do so, so it is de facto correct for the parent to do what is legal in regard to the child. It would be as if one would say it was wrong for the parents to withhold allowance because the child did not do their chores, or to even have a child do work around the house or the family business is tantamount to slave labor or servitude if they were not being paid the federal minimum wage. To some it might be poor taste or tacky but the that parent had legal right to be tacky or tasteless.

I just think that she wants to be an adult and that the period is a stage which makes left the passage to the adulthood thus she wanted to share it.. But it’s true that it’s rather strange.

@badmanda_navy I think you misunderstood. The girl that got her period did not post this – her mother did.

Ah OK thanks @livelaughlove21. It was a long text, rather hard to understand, sorry.
It’s even stranger, still the girl that passes but the mother it’s very strange.

Geez. I didn’t even tell my mom when I got my period (at 15, due to gymnastics. So 9 is very strange to me) I told my sister, and she told my mother. That’s how all of it went, with bras, periods and first dates.
I would have been pissed if my mom posted that kind of thing online.

What I think:

From your niece’s point of view: I’d be humiliated and disgusted with my mother if she spoke about my personal business publicly.

For you & your sis: It would make me never trust her with sensitive information. Ever.

You should send it too STFUPARENTS My sister also massively over shares about her baby on Facebook but what your sister did is just plain weird. Why the hell is she allowing her daughter’s first period to be anyone else’s business. Poor kid.

I am another one that didn’t tell my mother when I started at age 12 because I didn’t want anyone to know.
I think your sister has issues that you probably can’t fix, but I’m glad you at least let her know how idiotic her post was.
I feel so sorry for your niece. She will have a long public life if your sister doesn’t stop now.

My parents had guests the day I started. I signaled to my mom that I needed her upstairs. She got me the things needed to cope and went back downstairs. When I went down, nobody said anything, but everybody had a little smirk and I knew my mom had told. I was annoyed, to say the least, but I never talked to her about it. What’s done is done.

Wow. Being 9 and having a period is bad enough, but to have your mother broadcast that to the entire planet? It would be mortifying.

I was also wondering about her weight, as @drhat77 mentioned… I recall that some research had found that hitting 100lbs. is about when girls start to menstruate. Since more girls reach that weight at a younger age, they are getting their periods earlier. Is your niece overweight, @livelaughlove21? I would use that as a gauge about whether to be concerned if there’s anything unusual causing her to bleed.

@hearkat I have read that the hormones in milk and other foods are causing girls to menstruate earlier. I don’t have a source or the time to look it up right now but I believe I read it in reputable sources.

@janbb and @hearkat I have a set of twins and another child 17 months apart. After they started drinking the BTSD milk, they all started to develop breasts and started to menstruate almost the same month. Anecdotal, I know, but I think there’s a relationship.

@hearkat She’s taller than most kids her age and her stature isn’t that of a tiny girl, but I wouldn’t call her overweight and I certainly wouldn’t call her obese. The “normal” age to start one’s period is 8–15 years, so I doubt there’s any need for medical concern here. Most start between 10 and 13, but not all of them. She’ll be 10 in four months anyway and her cousin of the same age started her first period in January.

I really didnt manage to read all the responses given by your dear concerned site friends but would like to give my own opinion about this. First of all the post was inappropiate,even if she says the teen was ok with it.@ the age of 9???c’mon guys!!!! I dont know,maybe it does differ with the country one lives. In (my) Africa, a child that age is considered too young to make (any) decisions. But ofcourse after his/her own rights are observed. Because little do they know what is right and what is wrong,worse the possible consequences of their action. The mother is just too short to be noticed in the crowd (Facebook) and resorted to stepping on her daughter’s head to get that attention. Secondly,i think the way you confronted your sister may have turned her heart into stone. Your first blow(post) was enough,she got the message loud and clear i am sure,but just got too ashamed and sturbbon to concur with you.The best way i think was not to confront her in public but via email or inbox. (As i have aforementioned guys ,I am from Africa, a student,please i kingly ask you to rate my english)

Her sister isn’t very stable anyway @washie. Or very smart.

You want us to rate your English? It’s good! Welcome to Fluther!

hahaha.yes, you are very right @ Dutchess,she isn’t for sure. And thank you very much. I cant help but blush. You boosted my confidence. I love you Fluther!!haha

@washie Like I said, I stopped after that second post. I even ended it with “lol,” hoping she’d still get the hint (if she knows me at all, she got it), just to avoid starting some big fight via Facebook. I don’t think I went too far at all. Not far enough, perhaps.

As for anyone that would like an update, here it is. I checked my sister’s Facebook this morning and saw that the post was still there. So, I called my mom to see what happened during their conversation. My mom decided to do this via text message (not sure why). She told my sister that it was inappropriate and an invasion of privacy and asked if she asked her daughter’s permission before posting it. The answer, of course, was no. Again, she got defensive and acted like it was no big deal and my mother was overreacting, which she’s known to do. My mom eventually got so frustrated that she said, “Never mind. None of my business.”

This, to me, is completely unacceptable and it’s pissing me off at this point. Like I said, a child should trust their parent to make appropriate decisions for them, not to put their private business out on the Internet. If her mother isn’t going to defend her, and her grandmother isn’t going to defend her, who the hell is? I know if I start something with her, it’ll take one of two routes: she’ll get defensive, refuse to see my point of view, and we won’t speak for awhile OR she’ll pull the, “you’re not even a parent, so what do you know?” card.

At this point, it’s been on Facebook for over 24 hours and there’s not much that can be done about that. I’ll see her Sunday and I really hope she mentions it to me. If she brings it up first, I’ll have absolutely no problem telling her exactly what I think. I’m pretty relentless, as some of you know, and I think this is something that needs to be addressed.

I’m so mad right now that I don’t even know what to do. What makes it worse is that so many people “liked” the post or agreed with her that it was no big deal. Really?! So, why listen to this 23-year-old that doesn’t know shit about kids and doesn’t even really like kids to begin with? I may not be a parent, but I am a human being and a woman, so I should know what kind of effect this might have on her kid. As of now, she still doesn’t know this was posted on her mom’s Facebook.

Have you tried reporting it?

@Dutchess_III…to whom? It’s not illegal to post about someone’s period on Facebook.

@livelaughlove21 You can click on it & report it to Facebook as inappropriate content. Facebook would then decide if it’s appropriate or not.

Inappropriate due to her age and inability to consent. Send it to me. I’ll flag it. Hell, we’ll all flag it.

@SpatzieLover Ah! I’ll do that, though I don’t think Facebook will find, “My daughter started womanhood today” inappropriate. I think they’re more worried about death threats or nudity.

@Dutchess_III Her Facebook is not public. If it were, I’d be much more angry than I am.

Now that I tried to report it, it doesn’t even fit into any of the preset categories as to why something is inappropriate. It’s not sexually explicit, it’s not violent, it’s not spam, it’s not hate speech, and there’s no risk of another person’s account being hacked.

@livelaughlove21 What makes it worse is that so many people “liked” the post or agreed with her that it was no big deal.
The Constitution give them the right to determine if it offends them or not; and they choose not to let it.

I may not be a parent, but I am a human being and a woman, so I should know what kind of effect this might have on her kid.
You can frame that statement to about any situation that a kid might be exposed to. They are kids; that is why they can’t vote, buy things or make decisions on their own. If one tried to insulate kids from anything that might cause them bother of any kind, society could never do anything less pass out pizza and ice cream.

If it were my daughter, and the operative word is WERE, I would not do it but it is her daughter so I can’t really say anything against what she has legal right to do. Unless it gets made illegal, no one can say crap, they can but it won’t change things.

@Hypocrisy_Central I don’t believe in standing by and watching someone humiliate their own child by posting something completely inappropriate on the Internet for the world to see, especially when it’s my sister. An it’s legal for me to say something about it. If I want to be the only one on my niece’s side, I damn well will be.

And I thought we already established that I don’t care if it’s legal or not. That was never the issue.

Oh,ok. I like the way you handling it @ livelaughlove 21. So mature you are.
And from what you said,the post got many likes right? Your sister chose her own FB friends,which i now strongly believe behave and think just like her (you and your mom excluded) . Remember that birds of the same feather’ flock together. I think you have to address the issue with more caution and nonchalently to save your relationship with her.its good that you already know her,what to expect. But on 2nd thought,why do we have to worry so much about it? Would you feel offended to be totally undressed in front of a crowd composed of blind people? I myself i dont i would mind to the extent of suing anybody . They are all just stupid,blind! The seed(post) fell on rocky ground(those who liked the post) so it will not germinate. But nontheless she has to be confronted,because next time she may use something different which the same blinds can pick (e.g by sense of smell, or audio),(what we fear at the moment).

@livelaughlove21 Well, just be the cool aunt, and tell your niece what’s up and you think it’s not cool, unless you feel it’s better for her not to know.

@ Knowitall. I agree with you on the latter,i think its better she(niece) doesn’t know. Even if she agreed with her mom in the first place she will grow to hate her mom’s action,as mom should have and is supposed to know better(wrong/right) and lead the way. Here in Africa we say:its not the livestock that has eaten the corn that is beaten up/punished by the field owner but the herder instead. A parent is held accountable for his/her child’s behavior. So mom is to blame tomorrow,the minor agreeing excuse is just silly.

They don’t have an “other” reason on the flag @livelaughlove21?

“My sister has a 9-year-old daughter that started her first period today.”

Have you guys checked her for a urinary tract infection? I mean at that age I would just make sure there isn’t something else wrong. Posting that on a public forum isn’t appropriate.

@Dutchess_III Nope.

@DWW25921 That was already discussed in previous comments.

@livelaughlove21 I figured it may have been. To be honest, I didn’t read the others. I just threw that out there. :)

@DWW25921 We’re women. We know the difference between periods and UTAs! I have a friend whose 9 year old occasionally has periods, and she developing.

@Dutchess_III Kids should be kids for as long as possible. Anyway, back to the question that started all of this… Regardless of what the personal matter is, it’s not right for a 9 year old’s business to be broadcast to the world on social media. Ya know?

9 years old?? That poor girl!! I didn’t start mine until I was 14.

I don’t agree with posting something so personal on Facebook. When I started my period I was terrified that people would know. lol
I would think that your niece would post it herself if she wanted the world to know. If my mom did that to me I’d be beyond pissed off.

Unbelievably thoughtless on the part of the mother. Speechless.

Would do her good to read this thread.

I doubt it @FutureMemory. She has some serious…what would you call it…inappropriateness issues. Did I just make that up? She probably, really, doesn’t have a clue how wrong it was.

@livelaughlove21 So has anything changed?

@Dutchess_III Because the sister has such a blind spot when it comes to what’s appropriate or not, I think it might do her good to see so many people sharing that they also think it’s wrong, and why. One person saying “you’re wrong!” doesn’t have the same impact as 20 people saying it. Unless she’s so thick-headed that nothing will change her mind, which is entirely possible. Maybe the only tactic is to start posting stuff about the mom’s private life, publicly. ”<9 year old’s mom> started her flow early this month, and it’s a heavy one! She was running to the bathroom at work every 2 hours to put in a fresh tampon. Let’s all hope she didn’t stain her panties too badly!”

@FutureMemory….I kind of suggested that same tactic here.

She’s not only thick headed, but emotionally screwed up. You just can’t predict how screwed up people are going to react, except you can bet they won’t react normally.

@livelaughlove21….what would happen if you showed her this post?

Ugh, it looks like I practically copied your post. Sorry, completely unintentional.

@Dutchess_III No changes that I know of. I won’t see her until Sunday. And if I showed her this thread, she probably wouldn’t read it. She literally cannot fathom why what she did was inappropriate and refuses to listen to any arguments suggesting it is.

She’s emotionally unstable, attention-seeking, and stubborn as a bull. Not a good combination.

—-It’s OK @FutureMemory. Great minds think alike—

@livelaughlove21 I’ll be praying. I want to rescue this child…

I think some way too many people post things on Facebook that others don’t need to know about. Most other people do not even need to know what happened with the girl anyways. For people who love attention, Facebook and the Internet can be a dangerous tool used to get it. I hope that potential cyberbullies don’t get a hold of this information and trace it to this girl somehow, private profile or not.

Last night I was thinking about this question, whether it would help for her sister to read this. Then I thought, no, it would just create great tension between @livelaughlove21 and her sister because @livelaughlove21 was posting her sister’s bidness all over the internet!
Then I thought maybe we could set up a sting…have another jelly post a similar question, and have her sister read that.
Then thought, it’s too late now anyway. That post has been seen and gone, or saved by some freakzoid.
I’ll keep your niece in my thoughts a prayers @livelaughlove21.

^It might create tension because @livelaughlove21 was posting her sister’s business all over the internet, but it also might knock some sense into her when she realizes that’s exactly what she’s doing with her daughter by posting personal info on fb.

I agree @jonsblond. A normal person would see the light. Crazy people have a weird logic known only to themselves thought. Their logic serves only themselves, serves only to protect them by any means necessary. I’d bet she would refuse to make the connection because she’d have to fact up to the reality that she was WRONG. Crazy people can never, ever be wrong. It’s bad for their self esteem. If you prove them wrong they go and try to commit suicide. (I grew up with a couple of crazy women.)

Yeah. Wishful thinking on my part. This whole situation sucks.

Really, really bad.

Just another instance of someone sharing something on Facebook that no one else really cares about. Happens all the time, but yes this instance is especially bizarre and unnecessary.

It’s the same thing with my friend who shared the picture of her 3 year old son with his hands down the front of his shorts. She probably thinks that shows advanced behavior (she’s that kind of mother.)