Would you take in your aging parent or put her/him in a home?

I’d take them in most likely. What I mean is, I am completely open to taking them in, but if circumstances were better for them not living with me I would consider having them live somewhere else. My focus would be on their care and “happiness” more than anything.

We both put each other in housing at the same time. My mom went into a seniors lodge, and I went into a boarding house. It was about stagnation and money. When my mom reaches 65 (she is 64) she will get her full pension and then we can consider moving back together or moving on… (It’s been 12 years since I’ve had a date because I shared a one bedroom apartment with my mom and I wasn’t allowed to entertain guests not even for D&D ).

It would depend on the relationship and also how much they’d need done for them. I’m not quitting my job to care for an elderly parent.

I’m the aging parent. I’d rather be in a home than be a burden on my kids. My mother-in-law felt the same. She’d say, “I don’t like being here, but it’s where I belong.” I’ll follow in her footsteps when the time comes.

I have worked 8 years for an elder care facility. I won’t have to face this but my mother is with her parents.

I would put them in a facility if their condition necessitated it. The stress and burden puts a strain on the family. Taking care of bathing meds bills toileting meal prep shopping cleaning is a huge job.

The staff has the expertise to deal with medical side and allow the children to focus on the relationship and entertainment for both parties.

The livings last memory of their parents should not be of diapers and struggling with bathing schedules etc. But of the fun stuff. as much as possible anyway. And one can continue to have a life for the extended periods of time that the elderly often now live.

Dad paid the down payment, and we made the mortgage payments. We shared some of the utility costs. I made sure we picked a house that was big enough so we wouldn’t get on each other’s nerves. In return for all the hassle, Dad got to see his grandchildren and great grandchildren every day, and he got decent food every meal. It worked out well for many years.

It depends… I’m not taking in my in-laws I can’t even deal with them once a week for a couple of hours and wifey would agree, no way. My own folks I would, they are pretty reasonable and pleasant to be around. So the answer is again it depends on your relation ship with them. If you were raised by them and treated right I think there is an obligation as long as they respect your space and business. You don’t have any obligations to deadbeats even if you just happen to be related to them. Once they need regular care then it depends if you are able to administer that care. In such cases it may be better to put them in a home if you/they can afford it and it is a reputable facility. I think we as Americans would actually be better off in some ways if we respected family more.

If I had a large enough home I would. My mother has spent time recently in a nursing home and her experience was not the best. I don’t want to see that happen again with either of my parents. I like what @snowberry has done. I could see my father suggesting an arrangement like that if he needed it. I’d be happy to go along with it.

It depends on many factors aside from the potential caregiver’s blood connection including how much and what type of care has to be provided; financial ability, physical stamina; and ability to get his or own support when needed. Also how large the caregiver’s living space is, and whether others share the same space. It’s a difficult and complicated decision, and logical reasoning must be the main driver, not pure emotion.

All of us children wanted my mom with us, she settled in the end with the sibling who could give her the best life [he and his wife are both MDs and could monitor her medical needs and she had 2 caregivers]. When her condition worsened significantly near the end, she looked at homes herself but luckily nature took its course and she died at home with family in attendance. Wherever she might have been she was a joy to others and made friends, but she got to stay close to her family and keep up with their goings on.

It depends on his (my 85 year old dad. Mom has already passed) condition and what you mean by “home”. My first choice is to get him into an assisted living facility as he is living alone (aside from pets) and has fallen before. But he is adamant about living in his house alone. We have discussed the (costly) option of an in-home caretaker, on a part time and possibly eventual full time basis, but he has shot that down too. I’ve also breached the subject of eventually moving in with us. Again, he wants to stay in his home, and to remain there alone. I’m constantly over there and I handle all his affairs but at some point he is going to get to the point where we will have to change the status quo. I think an assisted living would be great as it still leaves him his independence and help in always on the grounds if needed. He could even bring his cat, chihuahua, and birds along.

This is tricky for me to answer as I have a terrible relationship with my SO’s parents and I would feel guilty housing my parents without desiring to offer them the same. We would need to work out the logistics of this together. It is not as clear cut as I love my parents so I want to provide for them the way they have provided for me, however much I wish it could be that way.

I do worry often about their health, especially when my dad cheats his diet and my mom loses more of the sleep that she desperately needs. Financially, I worry about being able to afford it. I am not entering a field that will make much money nor would I have the time that I would need to be an active caregiver.

Part of my hopes that one of my siblings will step up and take the reigns. I can provide whatever additional support that I can, but when I’ll be in a different state, it’s tough.

My family has always found a way to keep parents at home for as long as possible. The one time grandma did go to nursing facility was terrible. They never turned her so giant gross bleeding pussing bed sores formed all over her back. She just lied there for two weeks without being turned. We removed her immediately and photos of her wounds were enough to cancel the remaining contract. Never again.

My mom had her own one story house that was easy for her to get around in with a walker after we rearranged it a bit. My mom was very frugal with her money when she was working and had put quite a bit back for her retirement. The last 6 months of her life, she was still able to get around with some help, so we (with her money) hired 2 women to come in and take care of her. I went over every day and my brother did too. It gave her the independence she wanted and it made us feel better that we didn’t have to put her in a home which she did not want to do.
This doesn’t work for everyone though.
Oh, and we had a home health nurse come once a week and a physical therapist come twice a week. I’m not sure the physicial therapist was really much help, but it gave mom something to focus on for about ½ hour each day.

I used to think that my mother could come and live with us, but as she aged she became very demanding and very controlling. No I know there is not way that I could live with her.

I would have gladly brought Mom to my home. Given any choice at all, that’s what I’d prefer to do.

Unfortunately, I live in a small condominium – just one bedroom – with lots of stairs and a standard shower/tub. There’s literally no place for Mom to live, she can’t climb the stairs, and she needs a walk-in shower. So, I had to make the painful choice to move her to an assisted living facility. Luckily, it’s a fabulous place with caring, attentive staff; I visit every day, so I get a good look at what goes on.

My mother lives on her own in a senior residential facility. She’s 89, she has no desire to live with any of her kids. Her next move would be to someplace with attendant care if she declines.

My grandfather (her dad) lived with us from his age of 78 (I was 10) until he was 92. But my parents were overseas and none of the grand kids were in a position to have him come live with us. The last five years of his life he was in assisted living, and then in a nursing home.

My girlfriend’s mom is young, just 74, and my GF and I have discussed this, but no decision made yet. I’m not opposed, but it would be a big change for my GF. I think we’ll have a talk this week instead of continuing to postpone a decision or make a plan.

My parents lived in their own house until my dad became critical and went into the hospital. Mom died at home a few weeks before dad.

My inlaws lived in their apartment until Dad developed a fatal heart condition, and he passed in the hospital. Mom found an independent living apartment, which she loves. They have varying levels of care.

If she out lives her savings, she will probably room with my sister in law.

When I reach the need, I would much rather be in a nursing home than depend on my children or grandchildren.

@zenvelo How very fortunate that your mother enjoys her independence and doesn’t want to live with any of her children. Her preferences make your family’s choices so much easier.

My own Mom would love to live with me. All I want to do is make her final years happy, so I wish I could take her into my home. If I had a big house with enough room, she’d be here now. But, I live in an urban condo.

I could live with my mom, even with her dementia.

BUT, I could not live with my mom and my wife. It comes down to a choice.

At this time, she lives with my sister and according to her, she will never put her in a nursing home.

@rojo When we bought a house for my son and his wife and two boys, her mother and grandmother both had to move in also. One is receiving SSI disability and the other is on Social Security. They couldn’t afford to stay anywhere else.

With Sonny unemployed, they make a substantial contribution to the expenses.

They lived in their car for several months.

My home is tiny and unless my parents are prepared to sleep on a two-seater couch, taking them in is not an option. My brother has a large house and lives much closer to where they live, so the burden of care would probably fall to him.

Up above I explained how Dad and my family lived together for many years. Now I’ll tell you about when I sent him away. He had been having tiny little strokes for a while and was getting increasingly paranoid. The day he started accusing me of stealing from him, I took him to town and we started looking at assisted living centers. There are laws against elder abuse, and sending him away broke my heart. In this age of litigation, I couldn’t afford to have Dad live with us anymore.

I’ll always take my parents with me because they have done lots of things to me but its my chance to do something for them. I always feel proud, safe, happy whenever I saw my parents with me. I don’t want anything in my life accept my parents & their happiness.

Take in because it would be their worst nightmare, lol. They tell me all the time not to.