What do you make of people that demand trust?
Asked by
choreplay (
6297
)
September 9th, 2013
(By the way this is a work situation. )
When someone makes a stand that they “deserve” trust, with no consideration to how their actions may have affected your trust of them, would that in and of itself make you question their trust worthiness?
They insists that they gave their word that they are trustworthy therefore to not trust them is my issue.
I believe:
1) Trust is not just a given and has to be earned.
2) The above rule applies even more stringent in a work environment.
3) The one wanting the trust, in most situations, should give heavy consideration to the opinions/interpretations of the one they want the trust from.
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14 Answers
They can demand it, but they don’t get it until/unless they have given me some reason to trust them.
I had a new boss a couple years ago – he was hired from outside and brought in to be Exec VP of the company. In our first conversation, he said “tell me everything – goo, bad, complaints, gripes, everything.”
My answer was, “I just met you, I don’t know you, I don’t trust you to keep what I say confidential, so I will say very little”. That pissed him off.
But the very next person he talked to, he told them that I had said that I didn’t know him enough to trust him. So much for demanding trust.
Anyway, you don’t get trust unconditionally.
Postscript: That Exec VP was fired a year later. I’m still there :-)
Explain that trust is like credit. You need to build it before you get to have it from other people. Like credit, trust, once broken, can be rebuilt, but it takes a great deal more effort and time. Sometimes it can’t ever be rebuilt.
Someone who makes it a point to “demand” trust without earning it is NOT to be trusted. The same goes for respect.
In my experience, trust in the workplace has to be given and received with caution and never assumed to be genuine at that. I’m not saying work people are untrustworthy—just that the work environment, with its endless pressures and politics, is generally not one that nourishes and protects our highest values.
Demanding trust is just stupid and demonstrates little understanding of human nature. Follow me! Right off the cliff. right
Strange to demand trust. Did they say you can trust them? Or, did they actually say you must trust them? Or, even more telling can be if they word it in the double negative. Like if they say you shouldn’t feel like you can’t trust me. Specialists in lies say people tend to say what they really mean. So they would look at that and be suspicious because the person actually said the words, “you can’t trust me,” even if they put the negative in frint of that to negate what they said.
The only time I have told someone to trust me is when my husband won’t try a new food. LOL.
In my experience the one who says “trust me” the most or the loudest is the one to be trusted the least.
Trust (and respect) can’t be demanded. At least not successfully. That said, I always trust people until they give me a reason not to.
Ya, I trust until they give me a reason not to, I agree with that. @JLeslie I’m going to write an additional question about some of the specific behavior of this guy who worked for me.
Here is the related question.
No one should demand anything. To me that is a direct challenge. In my opinion there are levels of trust. There is also trust versus understanding. Can you trust a wolf not to eat your sheep? would you? Sometimes we misplace our trust do to lack of understanding.
Anyone that demands trust is a control freak if not suffering from worse personality traits/issues.
Agreed, trust is earned, not a given, and we all know that not only do people fall from grace, being human, but, sometimes a trustworthy person can become untrustworthy decades down the road.
Trust is always a continued unfolding, never a given to be taken for granted.
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