Would you say something?

If it was the other way round and it was a female friend, would it be different? No. Just because is gay, doesn’t mean he can’t have male friends or male names tattooed on his skin.

^^Yes, it would be different. I would not be as worried if either the name or the friend were female… Please read my disclaimer. I’m just worried about my friend.

So if you were gay, and had a female name tattooed on your skin, that would be wrong also would it?

I think you may be overreacting.

I mean, worst case scenario is scary stereotypical homophobe dude approaches him, and this exchange Occurs:

“Hey, fairy, who’s Mo?”

“aah, mo. My old buddy, he died in the war. Goddamn Obama”

“I hear that, buddy. Wanna beer?”

No, the story doesn’t have to be true. I hope you see where I’m going with this.

Thank you, @Seek_Kolinahr. That helps. I may be overreacting – this friend is very important to me.

@Headhurts Wrong?! No. None of this is wrong.

@longgone Exactly.

Another male name on your skin could mean a whole lot of things, i’d love to get my son’s name inked on me somewhere, but i’m allergic to pain.

You’re definitely overreacting. Don’t say anything to him because it’s none of your business. You live in a place where homophobia isn’t widely accepted? Well, lucky you. I live in the Bible Belt where homophobia is pretty “normal” and even here I wouldn’t say anything. I know quite a few openly gay men that, sure, get shit from time to time, but they’re just fine and don’t need anyone worrying about them.

Let your friend do what he wants. I think the tattoo is a sweet gesture.

Keep telling me I’m overreacting. This is great, thank you…I feel better already. I just needed some reassurance.

Picking up where @Seek_Kolinahr left off.
“Hey fairy, who’s Mo?”
“Mo is short for Maureen – my girlfriend who died while giving birth to quadruplets. ”

Everyone is different. I do not care for tattoos and would never do it myself. I figure people should wait a full year before getting one done while in an emotional state. If it is still wanted after a year then by all means feel free.

^^ Or this:

“Maureen (”Little Mo”) Connolly Brinker was an American tennis player who was the first woman to win all four Grand Slam tournaments during the same calendar year. (1954)

And If, at some point, he regrets the decision, he can simply add “m” for Mom, the universally safe tattoo (I think).

Share your thoughts in a respectful way and make it clear that you back him up whatever decision he takes.

If your concerns are genuinly in his best interest and you respect his autonomy, I can’t see how you could go wrong.

I would however not worry too much about it and, for that reason, I would personally, most likely. not say anything.

You could mention it in terms of your fears for him. Also, you could say a tattoo is forever.

@whitenoise: Reading too quickly, I thought you said “and you respect his anatomy,” which I thought was a very apt answer.

If you live in a place where homophobia is rampant; yes, as I understand it, some places are a lot more homophobic than others; it’s completely legit to voice your concern over it. Thing is, I’m willing to bet this dude probably knows this already, no?

If he ever changes his mind about the tattoo, he can just add an m.

I think it’s tacky to put anyone else’s name on your arm at all. I’m sorry about his friends death but there are other ways to mourn and he’s going to be reminded of that death every time he explains that tattoo, for the rest of his life. This may sound a little redneck but I’ve seen some very nicely done tribute decals on the backs of some cars. Maybe he could go that way instead? I like a nicely done tattoo that brings out a persons personality. Someone else’s name doesn’t do that.

@DWW25921 I’d completely agree with you if the person was a lover. Getting a lover’s name tattooed on your body is not only tacky, but incredibly stupid. Talk about the kiss of death.

But that’s because lovers have the potential to be temporary, whether you think so at the time or not. A dead friend will always be your dead friend. I think a tattoo in honor of a lost loved one does say something about that person. It says their loved one was extremely important to them, and that’s part of who they are.

I have a friend who had a child that was diagnosed with leukemia and died very young. She has her little girl’s name on her shoulder, and I don’t find it tacky at all. And it’s not a constant reminder of the death – she certainly doesn’t need a tattoo to remind her that her daughter died; she’ll never forget that. I think it’s a beautiful sentiment.

I’d never get my husband’s name on me, but if I had a very close loved one die, I might consider a tattoo.

Oh, and @longgone, maybe you could suggest putting Mo’s dates of birth and death on the tattoo under his name. That would make the purpose of the tattoo clear, if he’s actually concerned about people asking about it.

@livelaughlove21 It’s a personal opinion of mine but I will yield that circumstances do matter. You do have a point that it expresses personality but that depends greatly on how it’s done. I live in a poor, rural area and everyone around here has cheap tattoos and maybe that’s why I’m turned off to the whole thing.

@DWW25921 I can relate to that. I know quite a few people that only have homemade tattoos. One brother-in-law of mine ended up with a crooked cross on his arm and the other has a fish hook that’s supposed to look embedded in his forearm but just looks like shit. A couple friend of ours is the worst, though. He has about 4 botched rebel flag tattoos and she has a crude Chevy symbol covering a guy’s name on her back and “who woulda thunk it” in her own handwriting on her arm. My brother, who happens to be incarcerated, is covered in dumb ass prison tattoos.

People make stupid decisions about ink sometimes.

I believe that no functioning adult is responsible for preventing another functioning adult from making a mistake.

Thank you, all. Sadly, his name wasn’t actually Mo… I agree with all of you that said he is emotional right now, but we have talked about it, and he is adamant. I may still voice my concerns, but very resepectfully and gently. I feel less scared, so I will be able to do that, I think. And normally, we can tell each other honestly how we feel about more or less anything.
@Symbeline In general, he knows – but I’m not sure whether he’s thought about this particular issue. The last months have been kind of hectic.
@livelaughlove21 Your reasoning is exactly the same as his. I like that idea. Kind of a compromise.
@Jeruba Good point, of course.

@DWW25921 Cheap tattoos are horrible. At least his is going to be pretty small, and I don’t think it will seem cheap…

@livelaughlove21 I’ve also seen tattoos that are done well and looked really cool. Some folks just don’t get the fact that you get what you pay for and it’s always going to be there!

No I wouldn’t. I think what you are worrying about is a little far fetched and it would seem overbearing if you said something. That is my first impression.

@DWW25921 This is why I only have one, it’s very simple, and I paid $100 to have it done at a reputable salon.

Lots of gang members get tattoos of guys who have been killed. Even the most homophobic person is not going to get into a beef if your friend just says “he was a friend of mine who died.”

No need to say anything at all/

No one should make a lifetime decision when they are grieving. Depending upon the magnitude of the result they should wait an appropriately long time before deciding.

One of the lowest forms of life crawling the earth were the realtors who would read the obits and approach new widows and offer them money to buy their houses. This practice has (supposedly) been stopped.
If he is still grieving over his friend’s death that is precisely not the time to get it done.
Will he get a similar tattoo when his father dies? His mother? His cousin? His brother? You get the idea. A waiting period will help him focus.

I know a woman who got a tattoo high on her bicep when she got married. At the top is the name her name and her husbands. Below that is a red heart that looks a little drippy and the words Until Death. on top of each other. .
A few years later they got divorced. And when she wears a short sleeved shirt the word “Death” and drops of blood are the only things visible. It looks um… “interesting”.
She regrets that decision made in haste.

In case anyone is still interested: I have decided to let him be and trust that he will be act wisely if he ever gets into trouble.
I hope he doesn’t regret his decision, but that is none of my business. Thanks for your input, I am much more relaxed!