When someone obviously doesn't want anything to do with you any more, do you sometimes wish that they could just be honest about things?

Absolutely. Unfortunately, some people are too cowardly to face a problem head on. They’d rather just ignore it until it (or the person) goes away.

Yes, I agree.

Sometimes, people slip out of our lives. They might move away, and any type of long-distance relationship is difficult to maintain. Or, they (or I) might simply be too busy, distracted, and overwhelmed to be a good friend or family member. When such people find each other again, it’s a wonderful thing.

Other people, we turn away from and push them out of our lives for very different reasons. The needy, selfish “friend”; the toxic relative; the abusive ex-lover; the co-worker who pretended to be supportive while actually backstabbing… The list goes on. Sometimes, it’s best to burn a bridge and move forward.

Personally, I like to know which category applies when someone leaves my life. If I’m in the “bad” category, I’d like to learn and grow.

I hope I’m not in a “bad” category with him…but if there’s been some misunderstanding…or something…I wish I could know. Or at the very least know to give up on trying to be friends…

That does sound painful and is never fun. Have you tried asking about the distance and if it means anything?

We often have no idea that we’ve hurt or offended somebody. If the comment or deed is isolated and anomalous, it should be forgiven. Very frequently, words and actions are misunderstood. Also, every one of us says and does unfortunate things absent-mindedly, unaware of the consequences.

I sincerely hope that your friend will talk with you.

@Unbroken…I tried e-mailing him, but he hasn’t gotten back to me. As busy as he is, he has never taken this long to respond. @SadieMartinPaul…I hope so too, but I am preparing for the worst.

Yes, I prefer honesty and am honest with those I have let go over the years. Thing is, be careful what you wish for. Those ex friends I have told exactly how I felt about their issues and personality problems didn’t handle it well. lol
When tell someone you won’t tolerate their over reactive, or passive aggressive, or hypersensitive or sneaky, manipulative ways they are not going to go quietly or, god forbid, take a look at their crap.

That’s why you’re letting them go in the first place.
If they didn’t have issues you can’t or do not want to deal with they would still be in your life. haha

@Coloma…i am not the one who doesn’t want someone in their life…I could wish to continue things…

@yankeetooter Why would you continue to want someone in your life that doesn’t want you and…doesn’t have the balls and decency to tell you why they are giving you the cold shoulder?
Avoidant personalities are awful to deal with, and confrontation avoiders also avoid any chance of making things better. If getting someone to talk to you is like pulling teeth, it is not worth the effort. You will always be the one forced to address problems.

That gets old really fast.

@Coloma I don’t have the strength to let go…my feelings run too deep. That’s why I almost wish they would get angry with me, or tell me off, or something…

Sadly @Coloma is correct. Id you need something of that nature. Pursue it don’t stop at an email. Call express yourself. Confront him.

I totally feel that! I had a friend for years and all of a sudden… Poof! It’s like he didn’t even know me. I’d call or whatever just to keep in touch but he just didn’t care. People are random and sometimes they just go off somewhere and leave you stranded. It’s an annoying fact of life. There really isn’t anything you can do about it but move on.

@Unbroken…I am trying to meet up with him at school, but haven’t had any luck in that regard yet.

@DWW25921…moving on is really hard for me at this point, although I blame myself for that fact.

@yankeetooter I totally understand! If you feel anything like I still do, you feel that the friendship hasn’t officially ended and the lack of closure is driving you nuts. Or, maybe you want reasons that never come… I can give that advice because I know it’s the right thing to do but can I do it? It’ll take time.

Time during which I will be absolutely miserable, and imagining all sorts of horrible things. That’s what will happen, @DWW25921.

Yes. It bothers me a lot — but some people are weenies.

@yankeetooter Yes, exactly. It’s been about a year for me and I’m still rather upset…

Yes, I prefer honesty even when the outcome is painful.

@DWW25921 I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you were going through something similar.

@yankeetooter You have nothing to be sorry about, I’m just as confused as you are!

I would definitely prefer to know. Especially with online relationships, it is so easy just to stop responding.

A few years back I knew a girl, we worked together, she was ok. After I left that job,we continued to talk on the phone and text, that was ok also. Then she would just turn up at our house, no notice or anything. She would want me to go out with her as well. I either didn’t answer her or came up with an excuse. She just stopped calling. I took the hint. I didn’t try to contact her, it was all good.

@Headhurts “I either didn’t answer her or came up with an excuse”

In other words, you’ve done the exact thing that people are saying was hurtful, or “drove them nuts”. Can you explain why you couldn’t just tell your former co-worker that you didn’t want to be her friend? Perhaps that would help others to understand why some people think it’s ok to do this.

@glacial I was happy to text her. Just didn’t want her in my home or to go out with her. I do not like socialising with anyone. She was a nice girl. I just don’t want the hassle of friendship.

Absolutely. I thanked a friend for telling me why he was upset not too long ago, and told him I appreciated him talking it out and not just never coming over again or texting.

We hugged it out and now I haven’t heard from him in over three months. People always want to take the easy road out, it’s pretty chickenshit.