Why is losing your virginity a big deal?

Puritan ethics, and romantic fluff. The first time is never really great, it takes years to finally tune ones sexuality. However…one should not treat it as nothing more than something to get over and done with either.
It is a right of passage and the passage should be a little more special and significant than getting a tooth pulled. haha

It wasn’t for me.

It can’t be undone. Firsts are usually big deals in life, to an extent anyway.
Not being a virgin before marriage has only been socially acceptable in the last 50 years or so.

Well, if you don’t wait for someone you really like for the first time, then there is no reason to wait for someone you really like later on for what you call “a sex life”. The first time kind of sets the bar, if you know what I mean.

Fucking for virginity is like killing for peace. It isn’t supposed to work that way. And later on, you’ll wish you hadn’t.

I think it’s from the pre-birth control era when a random jaunt could end up your lawfully wedded husband til death do you part. Making it something special, especially for the woman, probablly increases the chances she doesn’t absolutely hate her new husband.

A psychiatrist I saw asked me why women spoke of “losing” one’s virginity. Wasn’t it “gaining” something? I didn’t have an answer, but I saw his point.

Because people still believe in romantic ideas and there’s nothing wrong with that.

-Also just giving it up to whoever whenever builds quite a reputation.
-Not to mention sexual transmitted diseases aren’t some Republican myth.
-Also some people have something called self respect and dignity.

@pleiades there is a difference between having sex to prop up poor self esteem and having sex because adolesence and growing and exploring. Girls should neither be pressured into having sex or told that it is wrong or shameful for them to do it.
Also, condoms.
Also, perhaps the double standard of stud vs slut is somethign that bears deconstructing and perhaps dismantling, hmm?

Because sex is taboo and there’s still a large segment of society that ultimately (whether subconsciously or not) believes that when a woman (just an example; seems to be aimed at women most of the time, though) has sex, she’s defiling herself and if this defiling act is to be done, it’s best done within the confines of a marriage or at least a long-term relationship. There’s a reason virgins have been so praised historically: Virgin Mary, Vestal Virgins; being a virgin is about being pure and undefiled and losing that virginity transforms you into someone who is not pure and not innocent and can never go back to it.

At least that’s what I think is the “deep-seated” root to some preoccupation with virginity. Certainly thinking that sex is a form of “defiling” and thinking that you should have sex with whomever whenever are extremes.

It was no big deal for me. I just wanted to ‘do it’. It was a let down and I was embarrassed. I wouldn’t have wanted my first time to be with someone I married though.

I think, scratch that, I know it’s different for us blokes. You see, we have this built-in hump mechanism, rather like that of a puppy dawg latching onto your leg.
Losing my virginity really had nowt to do with morals, I was dictated to by my balls & their insatiable desire to release.

@ucme you can release your balls? What do you do if they roll under the sofa?

@drhat77 The wife sucks them up…with the hoover.

Because if you are not a virgin when you marry get sold to your husband owner, the husband owner can never be sure if the son he gets is really his, creating inheritance issues.

I lost my virginity at 18 to the guy that is now my husband. I didn’t think of my virginity as some precious flower, but the “get it over with” perspective isn’t very smart.

Your first time can potentially be painful, so I’d rather wait for someone I like and trust to make it a decent experience. Some guy that’s only in it to get off doesn’t give a shit about how you feel. I know too many girls that regret their first time for this reason. I didn’t want it to be a bad memory.

The biggest thing for me was being aware of STD’s. I was on birth control before having sex, and I planned on using a condom, so I wasn’t too worried about pregnancy. Condoms don’t protect you from all STD’s, though. My sister got genital herpes from the second guy she ever had sex with, using a condom, when the guy was not having an outbreak. Of course, she wasn’t aware he had it until she got it. Surprise! Now she has to live with painful monthly outbreaks and having to tell sexual partners she has it before being intimate. No thanks.

I’m glad I waited until I did. It was a good experience (and I didn’t end up with herpes). It wasn’t awkward or embarrassing and it was nice knowing he wasn’t just in it for an orgasm. He waited 6 months for it, too. Also, sex wasn’t, and still isn’t, a huge deal to me. I could easily go without it, so why would I feel the need to “get it out of the way” so I can have “fun” sleeping with a bunch of guys I barely know?

Telling teen girls losing their virginity is “no big deal” and they should “get it over with” is how you end up with a pregnant teenager with chlamydia.

” Because if you are not a virgin when you marry get sold to your husband owner, the husband owner can never be sure if the son he gets is really his, creating inheritance issues. ”

Bingo!

ragingloli has hit on the ultimate, evolutionary, reason this is/was a big deal. Paternity. With a virgin a man could be sure of his issue and this is a male reproductive strategy that still influences humans.

What is natural is not always good, so now that we intimate an understanding of how we work we can begin to work around it.

@livelaughlove21 the first time does not need to be painful. talking as a man, sorry. Pain in intercourse is associated with anxiety and it is easy to see how that relates to the first time. If you take it slow and your partner focuses on relaxing you it need not be painful.

@livelaughlove21
“_Your first time can potentially be painful, so I’d rather wait for someone I like and trust to make it a decent experience. _”
Or get a toy and do it yourself.

@drhat77 That’s my point, and why I said potentially. If a guy doesn’t really give a shit about the girl he’s having sex with, why would he take it slow or give a hoot if she’s relaxed or not?

My first time was only slightly painful at first. I couldn’t wear tampons until I was 18 because it literally would NOT go in. I tried lube, total relaxation, multiple positions, you name it. It took quite some time for my husband to get a finger in there. Even now, if we go more than a week without sex, he says I feel like a virgin again and he has to ease in really slowly. And anxiety has nothing to do with it, nor do I have a gynecological condition that causes this. I know this isn’t the case for most women, but I’m not alone here either.

“Because if you are not a virgin when you marry your husband, the husband can never be sure if the son he gets is really his, creating inheritance issues.”

What @ragingloli says is correct. It’s just that thousands of years of obfuscation of this point by religious and cultural customs has made it difficult to remember this fact. We come to think of it as some kind of charming or “romantic” legacy of simpler times… but that is a lie.

It isn’t. This alleged big deal is a male macho creation to deny women a right they take for granted.