Would you tell your s/o if you miscarried?

I’m swinging pipe so take my advice with a grain of salt.

Personally, I wouldn’t care if I was told. Wouldn’t care if I wasn’t told either.

Really, it is none of my business. Unless you did a swan dive onto a fence it really is not something I would concern myself with.

It is nature.

I guess the point I am doing a shitty job at making is that it isn’t anyones fault.

I would. Rights aside – in a healthy relationship, I think/hope the emotional support would be appreciated. Miscarriages can be extremely traumatic. I would not want to go through that alone.

It wouldn’t be an issue of his right to know so much with me, but I can’t imagine being pregnant and not telling my SO, unless I thought his reaction would be negative. If that is the case there might be reason to get rid of him. But, maybe I just didn’t get the chance to tell him yet, and fully intended to? I still think I would tell him, because I am going through something that is a pretty big deal. If I became pregnant when I didn’t want to be, he needs to know so birth control is practiced in a more effective way. If we wanted to be pregnant, then I would be unhappy about the miscarriage, but would want my SO to know I did get pregnant.

This really sounds like a question for a couple who isn’t trying to get pregnant.

I don’t have an SO and I have never miscarried so I speak not from experience on this matter, but if you have an SO and you have trauma, and also concerns your health, why would you not want to tell your SO?

I probably wouldn’t tell him.

My husband would be devastated if lost a pregnancy, much more than I would be.

Honesty in this question is hard… I’m going to come off as a heartless bitch.

I have one fabulous child that cost me quite a bit to bring into the world. So I’m ok with him being the only one. My husband hopes one day I’ll want more.

So if I fell pregnant then miscarried before telling him (however that might happen) I would spare him all knowledge.

@Seek_Kolinahr I hadn’t thought of that scenerio. Makes sense.

Absolutely I would. I would never not tell him if I was pregnant.

I would have to because I wouldn’t keep a pregnancy from him in the first place.

Now, I probably wouldn’t tell friends and family until the end of the first trimester. If I miscarried before then, my husband and I would probably be the only ones to know about it.

I say this now, but I’ll probably be calling our mothers with the news as soon as I pee on the stick and it comes out positive. I have a hard time keeping secrets.

@livelaughlove21 – November of 2007, my husband wasn’t home when I took the test… So the Answer Bag crowd was the first to know I was pregnant. :-)

I’d tell my SO, I think.
About a year ago I thought I was pregnant. My SO reacted less than favorably. Turned out that I wasn’t pregnant, just really late. I have never seen such relief on a persons face.
I laugh now, but my feeling were pretty hurt at the time.

I had a pregnancy scare a couple of years ago, before we got married. We used a condom, as always, but I was off birth control at the time, so I was paranoid. I was two weeks late and we bought a test. He kept insisting I wasn’t pregnant but didn’t seem to have much of an emotional reaction to it either way. When I found out I wasn’t pregnant, he gave me the “I told you so” speech and we went on with our lives, but later told me he was kind of sad that I wasn’t pregnant.

Well, that makes one of us! We were living in a shitty trailer and I was still in college. It was a very good thing that I wasn’t pregnant. We weren’t ready. But still, it made me all warm inside that he would’ve been happy about an unplanned pregnancy at the wrong time. I’m excited to see his reaction when I become pregnant when we’re actually trying. We’ve still got about a year for that, though.

@livelaughlove21 You, my dear, have a real winner there!! :0)
I would have loved a reaction like that. My fiancé has never wanted children, and I can respect that, but he could have handled it a little bit better. lol

@Katniss Well my husband has always wanted to be a dad. I didn’t want kids until my relationship with him got serious. He’ll be a great dad, and I’m not going to deny him that experience. I get baby fever a few times a year now, but I’m not in a huge rush to have dirty, stinky, loud rug rats running around my house.

I’m not a huge fan of kids in general, but I think it’ll be different when the kid is mine. At least, I hope so.

@livelaughlove21 hahahaha I love you!
I feel the same about kids. I promise you that when the child is your own, it’s totally different.
I love my son to death. I cringe when I see other people’s kids, especially when they don’t know how to act.

@Headhurts Is this just a hypothetical question?
I remember that a few weeks ago you weren’t feeling well…...

Unfortunately no. I woke at 4am with really bad cramps. I couldn’t settle. I got up to go to the toilet and bled quite a bit. I went back to bed, and I felt like someone had taken a knife to my insides. I was wearing a tampax and went downstairs for pain killers, on the way down, I passed a clot, which was was the size of the hole you make when you put your thumb and first finger together. When I looked at the ‘clot’ more closely, I realised what had happened.

I didn’t know I was pregnant! If I did, I would have told Paul immediately.

We have lost a baby before, he was devastated, so much more than I was.
We aren’t trying for a baby.
I am more worried about whether to tell Paul, I know it will hurt him more than it has me.

@Headhurts It must be very troubling to realize you miscarried when you didn’t even know you were pregnant. Sorry that happened to you. You say you aren’t trying, but if you aren’t preventing you basically are trying.

I’m on the pill. I take them correctly, but I also take other pills and when I get extremely anxious, then sometimes I am sick and obviously it cancels the pill out. Just another fuck up on my part.

Sorry for swearing, wasn’t directed at you.

I’m so sorry, @Headhurts.

Whatever you choose, if you have the ability to do so, please schedule a visit to your gynecologist, just so they can help you be certain the miscarriage was complete. Your health should come first.

@Seek_Kolinahr Thank you. I have a appointment in the morning. They wanted what came out of me, I don’t have it anymore. Why would I? Should i have kept it? Don’t know, crazy head right now.

I would wait a week to go to the doctor. They will make you come back in a week anyway to check your hormones. But, that’s me, that isn’t medical advice.

I would tell my SO in your situation, but that’s me also, and that’s knowing my husband and other men I have dated seriously. You can only decide what is right for you.

I don’t want to keep this from him, but I don’t want to hurt him either. I have a feeling he might have an idea, but I could be over analysing.

@Headhurts Your decision of course. If you aren’t very upset about it you can probably not mention it, but if you are emotionally affected, then he will know something is wrong I think. Plus, don’t you need to discuss a secondary birth control method? Or, are you going to just take that on yourself?

I will stay on the pill. I’m upset, but not devastated, he would be.

What I mean is the pill seems to have a failure rate for you because of the other medications. Did you take a pregnancy test, do you come up pregnant?

No. I didn’t know I was pregnant until I miscarried this morning.

I’m out.

I’m with @JLeslie. If the pill failed you because of the extenuating circumstances, you need to use another method unless you want to get pregnant. It’s not like you can request that he wear a condom without an explanation if you haven’t been using them up to now.

Well, since you already have an appointment the doctor will run a preggers test and you can know for sure.

I’m so sorry @Headhurts. I don’t want to act like there’s one good answer. In short you should of course do what you think is right and what makes you most comfortable. I would imagine we all put ourselves in your position and answer from that way of thinking, not necessarily from your situation.

That said, as a person who has been with someone through several failed pregnancies, I’d always want to know. I’d want to know about the pregnancy, but more than that I’d want to know so I could help you however you needed. There’s nothing that can be done about the pregnancy, but the other people involved are still there and can still help one another. You can help him through whatever his reaction is as well.

To me the alternative is you’re going to be upset and at least a little stressed, and then you’re going to add to that by not letting someone who sees you every day know why. If he knows you very well, he’ll know something is up, he’ll know you’re not telling him, and he’ll have to fill in the blanks.

That seems worse than sharing the truth and helping each other with it.

Good luck with whatever you decide, I hope the appointment tomorrow is just confirmation of everything you already know and goes well.

Oh no, @Headhurts… I’m sorry to hear that. Though it’s nice that you don’t want to cause him pain, I agree with @funkdaddy…he will probably sense something is up, which might cause even more problems. Would you want him to tell you about a similar event?