How did you deal with a failing body?

I am not experiencing any chronic health issues, however, I have lost my home, money and freedom this last year.
I am still in mourning and vacillating between acceptance, anger, and depression. It’s a cycle that keeps recycling. “Freedom” wears many hats and whenever we lose our autonomy in any capacity, we will “suffer” accordingly.
We may need to learn to adjust and accept but we are not going to be happy about it.

I may be grateful I am not homeless but that is a small measure of comfort going from living on a beautiful, serene, rural property with plenty of assets and great joy in just waking up every day, to living in a town again, with a room mate for the first time in my life and having little privacy and trying to live on less than half of what my income used to be.
Loss is loss and all the corresponding emotional and psychological adjustments must be attended to.

I’m sorry for your losses, highly stressful to go through less than happy changes.

It is hard. It seems as if the pain consumes all of your thought and will. You just have to keep trying things until you find something that works. I did eventually get relief from physical therapy.

Face the reality of impending death. Accept it. It’s so much easier after that!

@Coloma & @marinelife – thanks.

@kritiper – I’m confused – how does accepting impending death help with chronic pain and the loss of mobility and lifestyle?
(P.S. What is a “devout atheist”?)

@tom_g sorry to hear what you are going through.

I do not have the life experience to give you any concrete answers. Right now the problems I have (Gout, arthritis, general metabolic slowdown) while physically limiting, are not debilitating so I keep fighting to maintain the life I have had to date. With success, limited success to be sure but I still go where I want, when I want. I can do MOST of what I could but have had to make adjustments to do so.

So, I guess my answer at this point is that I really haven’t accepted the fact that my age and physical abilities are limiting my life. I have given thought to it however. When I get to the point where I can no longer do what I enjoy, will I change and find something else to enjoy or will I just call it quits. I don’t dwell on it, this is just a question that I grapple with from time to time.

I will mention that about 3 years ago my daughter in law was in an accident that left her paralyzed from the chest on down, confining her to a wheelchair. She has adjusted to this extreme change in her life. She accepts it, wishes it were not so and does all she can to live her life as she did before knowing full well it isn’t going to happen but she is a determined woman.

She went through a pretty bad bout of depression but with family help pulled through and they gave her a reason to live. And even now she has days when she does not want to go on. Fortunately for us all she has an adoring 7 year old that needs his mom and a 15 year old that has been more help, more support, than we will ever be able to adequately express to him. Do you know, the thing that she worried about the most before she left the hospital was that her kids would not want her to come to their school functions and such because she would be an embarrassment?

She said one of the biggest mental adjustments she had to make was to realize that she was going to have to accept help. As independent as she was, it was a difficult change. She had pretty much been on her own from 15 and asking for help was not something she was comfortable with. To this day it galls her. It was also an adjustment we had all to come to terms with; at what point do you offer your assistance? Do you wait for her to ask, knowing how hard that is for her? Do you let her struggle until it becomes apparent it is not going to work then help, or do you just step in when you see that what she wants to do will be impossible without help?

It is watching her struggle and overcome that makes it harder for me to dwell on my swollen knee or hip problems and I sure as hell don’t complain, at least not in front of her (“Hey, at least you got legs that work!”). But, she is involved with several support organizations and she reminds us regularly that no matter how bad she thinks she has it, there are others out there that are worse off than she is, and they keep going so she will too.

Hugs, @tom_g. My dearest friend lives with chronic pain due to a degenerative disease in her spine. She has had this for many years and is only recently beginning to even voice that she is truly disabled.

I have a mental illness that was diagnosed 12 years ago. It came on me suddenly, and it left me bewildered at first. I was—still am—intelligent and very forceful in my ability to communicate. The illness made my greatest asset, my brain, my worst enemy.

My thinking became muddled, and I lost the ability to concentrate well. Concentration is key to clear thinking and fast communication. I worked in high-pressure sales for a Fortune Top 10 company for years, and I was no longer able to function.

Mental illness robbed me of my job, my family, my house, my cars, and my very sense of self. I looked in the mirror, and the voices in my head were no longer my own. Literally.

I experienced a grieving process akin to what one goes through at the death of a close loved one. It lasted years.

I fought the label and denied that I had it for a long time. I refused to believe it would impact my life. That was relieved intermittently by bouts of anger. Why wouldn’t my brain work like it used to? Why could I no longer drive through a parking lot without excruciating fear? Why couldn’t I watch TV? Why couldn’t I sit and read?

Nothing worked like it used to. I felt broken, and I slipped into deep depression that lasted for years. Years.

My love for my children sustained me. The statistic that 30% of children who have a parent commit suicide die that way, too, kept me alive at times when I wanted nothing more than to die. I attempted suicide once. I have been hospitalized for suicidal ideation 3 or 4 times in the past 12 years. I’ve lost count.

I began to accept my altered existence when I was approved for SSDI benefits. For whatever reason, having the determination by the US government that I was indeed disabled flipped a switch in my brain.

It still took more years to be comfortable on a small income, but I was then sure of my situation and decided to make the best of it.

3.5 years ago, I started a blog about living with my illness, and it has proved a valuable exercise. I can read the entries and see my improvement.

A real watershed occurred early this year. I was accepted to a training program for people with mental illness to work with others similarly diagnosed. Part of the training program centered around the Wellness Recovery Action Plan (WRAP). It changed my outlook utterly. The outline of the plan allowed me to evaluate my symptoms and triggers and other negativity and make plans to deal with them when they arose. Instead of being a victim of an illness, I began to see I could manage the problems it gave me.

I began to look for solutions. My illness has not disappeared. I am not cured. I still take medicine daily, but I have regained hope.

Hope is vital.

Tom, I wish you all the best of luck in learning to live encumbered with your problems. I hope you can find real relief.

Thank you, Tom, for trusting us with your story. Thank you. It is a brave thing to come forward and seek help. Thank you.

Thanks, people. Seriously. Sent PMs.

I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis a year ago, and it seemed well-controlled until a couple months ago and now I’m experiencing a lot more pain and fatigue, so I am going through the same thing in knowing that this is just the beginning and it’s going to get worse and debilitate me one day. I’ve been apologizing to my fiancé, because this is not who he fell in love with, and we weren’t expecting one of us to age at an increased pace.

I’ve always had a high tolerance for pain, but even stronger pain than what I’m experiencing now has previously been easier to ignore because I knew it would get better. Now I know I’ll have good days and maybe remission phases once in a while, but it is highly unlikely that it will ever get all-better.

So I can’t offer advice – just some compassionate understanding.

As for your medical stuff, have they done a neurological work up?

@hearkat, thank you. I can certainly relate – especially with the guilt related to important people in your lives.

re: medical stuff. I have spent nearly $6000 (beyond my premiums and copays) in additional testing and equipment since December. The back and shoulders is new (July), and I just kept thinking it would get better. But now I’m convinced that I need to get that seriously looked at. The PT isn’t working. But as for sleep apnea (I have central and obstructive), they did 3 sleep studies, brain MRI, every possible blood test, and I have been treated with ASV, CPAP, and now MAD (mandibular advancement device). All of these have had major problems and have had very limited results. Crap, this shit is boring. Sorry.

EDIT: I’m also getting surgery on my nose on Friday. Why not, right?

@tom_g – I’ve never been an energetic or bouncy person, but even so I am less fun to be around as I lose steam more quickly and I get grouchy when I’m tired and hurting. I am pretty good at not taking it out on people, but it still impacts their lives too. I am fortunate that I have a very patient and supportive sweetheart.

What surgery on the nose? I’m just thinking that if mechanical snoring treatments haven’t worked, it might be a neurological cause. The sleep study measures some EEG readings, but I’m wondering if there’s more in-depth studies they can run… maybe an fMRI or something. Do you live near a big medical school where there might be specialists at the top of their field?

I have a medical condition that has slowly, over the last 20 years, robbed me of life as I once knew it, I have become completely physically dependent on others although I still live alone. The way I see it, I can either sink or swim, I don’t swim fast but I’m still hanging in there, people say I am an inspiration, I hate that, I don’t want to be an inspiration, I just want my old life back, I think it’s natural. Take care @tom_g
Something I wrote in answer to another question.

@tom_g – Fear of death might make the pain even more unbearable, especially near the end of life.
A devout Atheist is one who has thought on the subject for many years and has come to the ultimate personal decision that Atheism is the only possible way to believe.

Old age is a train wreck.

^^^ Middle age ain’t no picnic either. A taste of things to come. lol

@tom_g, man, I totally feel for you. I lived with some wicked obstructive sleep apnea for a while before I was diagnosed, and literally, I am feeling your pain right now. Let me say that it is as bad as getting a limb blown off. You know this, but you are literally choking every day for eight hours and you are experiencing chronic pain every other hour of every day.

My story, which is smaller, because I basically took immediately to the CPAP without hesitation, is that I strongly resented having to take thyroid medicine to live. I played a game of resentment and sporadic noncompliance for maybe 18 years, and then I decided I wasn’t going to take it anymore, so I stopped. (In that time, I was also asking my higher power for healing, so it was not exactly a death wish so much as an ultimatum of sorts). During the months that I didn’t take it, my health got progressively worse until I started to show some odd physical signs of the disease such as extreme puffiness in my hands and feet and difficulty speaking since my thyroid gland was probably the size of a basketball. My sister dragged me in to urgent care one day, and it was after that that I realized two things: I am not in charge of my life and I am not my body. From there, taking the medicine was easier to accept, and having a sense that something else was running the show drove me to understand more what that was.

That’s the story. In dispensing advice, more than anything, I would suggest casting a wide net in terms of treatment modalities. I would poke around with meditation (which sounds ridiculous for someone with a mushy brain, I know) and see if there’s a style or technique that works for you. There’s evidence that playing the digeridoo can abate obstructive sleep apnea. I would also see whether ayurvedic medicine has anything to offer. Here’s a page with ayurvedic treatment for sleep apnea (scroll down a ways or search for “harrumphing”). If you are unfamiliar, ayurvedic medicine operates on a philosophy that disease is caused by disharmony and treatment is geared toward restoring that harmony. Look into yoga (which comes in many different forms) to see whether it can help you both with your body pains and your breathing and blood oxygen levels.

Speaking from very recent experience, I’ve found the philosophy/meditation practice of advaita vedanta to be kind of the key for the lock for all kinds of ailments. Consider that despite all of your pain and misery, that you are living on 60% or less of the oxygen you need for your body to function and that you court death every time you get behind the wheel, you are still here. How is that possible? Also, consider, that the while the sleep deprivation is doing crazy shit with your mind, you are aware that this is happening. Who is it, exactly, that is aware? Once you get a little distance between you and your bodily and mental pains, there’s room for a lot of good to happen.

I have experienced severe and worsening chronic pain since April 2004. I have chronic sleep problems and memory deficits. I decided from the outset to avoid depression and self-pity. I do the best I can to function and to avoide beating myself when I cannot do as well as once I could. This approach is, for me, the best way to maintain some quality of life. The alternative is just so much worse.

@kritiper: “Fear of death might make the pain even more unbearable, especially near the end of life.”

I’m 41, and I don’t fear death. I fear a painful life.

@kritiper: “A devout Atheist is one who has thought on the subject for many years and has come to the ultimate personal decision that Atheism is the only possible way to believe.”

I know this is probably off-topic, but it is my question, so I’ll ask…

What is it exactly that you believe that makes you an atheist, and in what way does your adherence to this belief make you “devout”?

I won’t go into details as it’d just take too long….However, I’ve lived in various amounts of pain from around 8yrs old (I’ll be 40 this year). I do have flare-ups….the last one I went through felt like I’d die from the pain.

More importantly, IMO

HOW I LIVE WITH CHRONIC PAIN:
-Spoon Theory

-Exercise

-Yoga

-Breathing (just focusing on the inhale, the pause, and the exhale)

-Supplementation Therapy (Including Epsom Salt & Baking Soda Baths, Magnesium Gel & Lotion, and typical vitamin/mineral supplements overseen by an Integrative MD)

-Deep Sleep and Increasing Sleep Efficiency (using a FitBit to measure Efficiency)

-Balancing “The Basics” (The Basics= Sleep, Nutrition, Exercise) and rebalancing as needed if anything alters with my health.

-Nutrition: I’ve learned through elimination diets that pain is greatly decreased when I’m gluten and mostly grain-free. I do not eat food dyes or additives, corn, soy, MSG, most dairy products, and on the list goes.

Something I think many dealing with chronic pain forget to deal with is emotions. I try to vent, rant and let emotions flow. Having anything build up emotionally causes me to gain stress, therefore increasing pain (or lowering my tolerance level).

Balance in all areas of life is key here. Anything tipping my life raft one way or the other can cause a lasting ripple effect. Self-awareness is required to help find and maintain this balance. Meditation (even for just 2–5 mins per day) can help build the awareness.