How can one prove all arranged marriages are wrong by logic other than your dislike of them?

Do you like folks other than yourself making major decisions about your life, where your input does not count, for you?

The couple does not know one another.

Their personalities may be completely incompatible.

I wasn’t raised in a country where marriages are done in order to secure wealth or honor. Therefore, I suppose I may assume it’s wrong, since the idea behind marriages, as I know it, is about love and union, in the eyes of God. I don’t claim that to be right either though. If I ever get married and decide to promise myself unto someone, it will be my lover, not God. It can’t be proven that arranged marriages are wrong, but you’ll have to understand that people who don’t come from cultures like that will find it wrong that choices are being made for each individual, even if the people from those places don’t see anything wrong with it, and are used to it.
This is how weddings originated I believe, although I will stand corrected…to secure status and wealth. So the whole love thing is rather late. I can’t prove it’s wrong, but I don’t see why I should have to prove it’s wrong if I don’t like the idea, and do not wish to be a part of it, or force someone else to marry someone. (had I such power) I would attempt to find some reason to prove it’s wrong, if for some reason that were to be instilled in my country; in this case, it would be wrong, because such a thing does not reflect the freedom and equality we’re supposed to have here.

You seem to be conflating two things that do not necessarily mean the same thing. Many cultures practice arranged marriages but not with child brides. In many situations, the parents choose several appropriate partners for their son or daughter and the young adult has some input into if they accept. I would be loathe to dismiss all arranged marriages as more of a failure than the marriages of those who choose a mate (and have a 50% divorce rate.) But I can categorically state that it is morally reprehensible to allow a mature man to have sex with a child.

@janbb But I can categorically state that it is morally reprehensible to allow a mature man to have sex with a child.

Aye. The fact that this is actually an issue is extremely frightening.

I have seen lots of Asian arranged marriages work and work well for both parties, more men than women, but in a culture where women are subservient (even in the US in some Christian marriages) it’s found to be acceptable and the women expect no more. It’s showing honor to your family to cede your desires to theirs.

I don’t believe all arranged marriages are wrong. It’s a cultural thing. Just because we find it weird or wrong doesn’t mean everyone should feel that way. Many arranged marriages do work, and no one can say “it’s because the women don’t know better.” How do we know that’s why it works for them? Why is the way we do things better? With a divorce rate of over 50%, I don’t think we have any place to say what is right and wrong regarding marriage customs in places that practice arranged unions.

Any explanation as to why they are always wrong will be based on our own culture, and so they will be inherently flawed.

God did not forbid arranged marriages, so no arranged marriage is ever wrong.
In fact, non-arranged marriages are abominable and will incur the Lord’s divine wrath.

You cannot prove anything about morality using logic alone. What am I to say? That arranged marriage breaks the laws of physics?

Why would it be necessary to prove ALL arranged marriages are bad? That doesn’t make any sense at all. I know people whose parents arranged their marriage, and they are very pleased with the outcome, but they were adults when they married.

I also recently read about child brides who put spoons in their underwear hoping that airport security will find them out and shut down the transaction. It works so well it made it into the news, and it’s probably the one thing the kids can to to protect themselves from such a travesty.

Social convention is arbitrary. It can not be proven by logic.

Arranged marriages are an attempt to perform psychic predictions of the future. It’s an attempt at prophecy. There is no universally accepted evidence that suggests prophecy is legitimate. Therefor, unless the parents who make the arrangements have demonstrated an ability for accurate prophecy, they should be prevented from experimenting with such a craft on something as important to society as their children.

Any parent who has demonstrated accurate prophecy skills should be free to arrange their child’s marriage.

@livelaughlove21 G A

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies What? That’s not the only reason people use arranged marriages. There are many cultures in the world that still practice this custom, and they all have their own reasons for doing so.

I have friends from Yemen, and they marry their kids to cousins because they want to make sure they know the history of the family they’re marrying into. It’s not the smartest thing to do from a genetic point of view, but considering the volatile nature of that country, you can’t blame them.

The reason people find arranged marriages wrong is they take away the consent of one or both parties to the marriage. I’d reverse this question: if you want to argue that arranged marriage is okay, you have to make the case that consent is not important.

Also, pedophilia is only loosely a matter of age. It’s more about physical maturity. In rare cases, 18-year-old females are still sexually immature enough to be little girls but old enough to legally consent to sex.

I think it is easy to disproof that all arranged marriages are wrong.

Easy, since all one has to do is proof that there is at least one arranged marriage that isn’t wrong. I live in a country were a lot, if not most people get married thru an arranged marriage. A lot of the young adults that I know are actively pushing their parents to (help) find them a partner. If two people find each other thru their parents, fall in love with each other and end up married happily ever after, this isn’t wrong. It may even be better than entering the partner raffle we in The West enter into.

Parents may have better insights into what their children need to look for in a future partner then their children themselves. I know at least several couples over here, that are sincerely happy together.

However, you may still be right, because the phenomenon overall may be bad. Arranged marriage may lead to forced marriage. Forced marriage goes against the core of some of the most basic human rights: the right to control ones own destiny and body. Forced marriage may lead to forced sex, which equals legalized rape. Forced marriage may even entail children, which makes it even worse.

Keep in mind though that forced and arranged marriages are definitely not the same. One may be the precursor to other and anything having to do with forced marriage may be bad. Nevertheless, that way of reasoning is not valid. Eating desserts may be the precursor for gluttony, however in itself is not ‘always’ bad.

Conclusion:
“It is certain that it can not be proven that all arranged marriages are bad, since it can be proven that not all of them are.”

From the large and growing body of knowledge concerning child development, it is fairly clear the child marriages are harmful to the young girls who are denied the opportunity to benefit from their childhood before they are forced into adult roles. Beyond this being physical rape, it is emotional rape and has long term harmful effect in preventing the the young woman to learn who she is and what she hopes to be be before she is locked into a narrow subservient role as the sexual slave of a much older man. Even where she survives, her loss of the opportunity to discover herself before she marries is cruel and shows are tota lack or respect for her as a person.

@Blondesjon Do you like folks other than yourself making major decisions about your life, where your input does not count, for you?
How is that different than anything else that happens all over the world? I buy a piece of property or a house I can’t do whatever I want, how I want to do it on that property or in that house; there are rules, laws and ordnances that say how I can use my own property. If I get diagnosed with a chronic, terminal disease, and rather waste away in agony and physical suffering I chose to end it (which I would never do of course) there are laws that state what I can do with my own body. Other people are making decisions for me all the time where I have no input.

@Symbeline I love your well thought out answer.

@janbb Many cultures practice arranged marriages but not with child brides
Because some nations involve one partner (usually the female) who in other nations would certainly be minors or quasi minors in different nations, most people who do not like arranged marriages to begin with use that fact to find it even more egregious.

@janbb But I can categorically state that it is morally reprehensible to allow a mature man to have sex with a child.
@snowberry It works so well it made it into the news, and it’s probably the one thing the kids can to to protect themselves from such a travesty.
@whitenoise Forced marriage may even entail children, which makes it even worse.
Playing Devil’s advocate, I would ask the group of you on whose criteria are we determining who is a child and who is not? Going further are we using maturity or physical age as the catalyst? Some nation childhood is much shorter than in the US or other industrialized nation where parents want to stay parents with kids in the house as long as possible.

@livelaughlove21 Thank you, another well crafted answer.

@snowberry I have friends from Yemen, and they marry their kids to cousins because they want to make sure they know the history of the family they’re marrying into. It’s not the smartest thing to do from a genetic point of view, but considering the volatile nature of that country, you can’t blame them.
Which is another layer to add fuel to the fire for those who hate arranged marriages, they may also believe marriage between relatives even if cousins creepy or demented. I can’t prove it, (and I would gather there is not enough info save a select few family cases where negatives were compounded) to say unilaterally that it is genetically bad. The thought that one’s daughter would mate up with their sister’s son and have relations and make babies gives many folks the heebee jeebees.
@whitenoise However, you may still be right, because the phenomenon overall may be bad.
That is just the fact; I can’t say they are all bad, but I can certainly say they are not all good; no form of marriage is that. I have heard of arranged marriages that have worked, as been said here already. Even when one partner did not like the other (usually the female not liking her husband) but learned to love their spouse because of the life they were to forge together. Seriously, who in nations where it is not practiced would not choose a suitable mate if they had the chance? If they could wish on a falling star that their son or daughter would marry someone they liked? Parents try to “fix their kids up” with people they believe are decent people, productive, an asset to society; they just don’t have the power to make it stick. That is why in the past you brought your mate home to meet the parents so they could ”rubber stamp” them as OK.

Thank you for your well crafted answer, I can feel it.

@Dr_Lawrence From the large and growing body of knowledge concerning child development, it is fairly clear the child marriages are harmful to the young girls who are denied the opportunity to benefit from their childhood before they are forced into adult roles.
Again playing Devil’s advocate, are those studies done on all children over the face of the globe no matter what economic, educational, or societal environment they happen to be in, or was it gleaned mostly from study on children in industrialized nations?

Beyond this being physical rape, it is emotional rape and has long term harmful effect in preventing the the young woman to learn who she is and what she hopes to be be before she is locked into a narrow subservient role as the sexual slave of a much older man.
I would not go so far as to say all instances where the bride is less than the legal age in the US is because the man wants a sex slave, I don’t believe they are as preoccupied with sex as we are here in the US, (though it is just my opinion). Nor do I believe every marriage here with a younger woman with a much older man is loveless, that she is just using him as a ”pocket” and he using her as a ”hood ornament” and later a nursemaid when he needs care due to his advanced age.

Even where she survives, her loss of the opportunity to discover herself before she marries is cruel and shows are tota lack or respect for her as a person.
And that can’t happen after she gives her virginity to the popular jock at school, who tells her ’I love you, if you love me you will—-‘, and once he is done getting her naked and on her back dumps her only to brag around the locker room and the frat house how he busted the virgin? I know many females who felt used, like a damn fool, or a worthless piece of dirt because they thought the only reason any boy would care to notice them is to get them into the sack. Not respecting the female as a person is not exclusively owned by those who would have a child bride, or even owned solely by men; women can do it too.

How is that different than anything else that happens all over the world? I buy a piece of property or a house I can’t do whatever I want, how I want to do it on that property or in that house; there are rules, laws and ordnances that say how I can use my own property. If I get diagnosed with a chronic, terminal disease, and rather waste away in agony and physical suffering I chose to end it (which I would never do of course) there are laws that state what I can do with my own body. Other people are making decisions for me all the time where I have no input.

See? You just gave plenty of sound, logical reasons why other folks making decisions for you without your input is wrong. Well done.

@Blondesjon See? You just gave plenty of sound, logical reasons why other folks making decisions for you without your input is wrong. Well done.
<sigh> Do I? I was pointing out your answer has no teeth. You said it is wrong because someone is having decisions made for them that they have no input on. My point is by that criteria nothing short of anarchy is acceptable, because no matter what you do, arranged marriage aside, in many, many cases there are people making choices on how you live your life. You can’t twist me into a pretzel of your making, that is not what I said and certainly not what I meant…..does that clear it up for you?

Awww. You’re just being modest.

@snowberry “What?”

The OP asked for a logical argument against all arranged marriages. I provided one. Nothing in your rebuttal discredits my answer. You’ve only provided other reasons without specifically addressing my argument. A logical argument against my answer would require supporting prophetic experimentation of parents upon their children. Anything else has nothing to do with my argument.

Arranged marriages can make sense for two incredibly shy persons agreeing with it, and who later find out that they are happy with each other in the marriage.

Arranged marriages for individuals considered to be of marriageable age in their culture or society may actually result in successful, stable relationships. Where partners are sufficiently committed to making the marriage work, despite any differences between them and regardless of the challenges they may face. Self-arranged marriages, while common in first world countries are not inherently superior to those arranged by their parents as long as the priorities are focused on the couple’s needs rather than the economic benefits of the parents. My earlier answer expressing grave concern for the welfare of child brides married off to much older men where the benefits to the girl’s parents are the main priority. Our children are not property to be bartered for our own benefit. We must act in their interests.

@Dr_Lawrence Yaay! A voice of reason! You said what I’ve been trying to say, but didn’t have the words.

To satisfy the other jellies here, maybe someone needs to do a double blind placebo controlled peer reviewed study on arranged marriages. To some people that would be the * only * acceptable authority.