If this was your daughter what would be your reaction?

A discussion on underage drinking and the reasons I need to know where she is and who the responsible party is is in order. If this is a first offense, and no one was harmed, I don’t see why it need go further than that.

I would make sure the parents new what happened.

I would talk to my daughter about why I am worried about her behavior, the talk would probably take 2 minutes, because she likely knows exactly why it is a problem. I would ground her in some way for a few weeks, nothing too harsh though, and tell her my trust has been shot regarding her judgment until she proves over time she can show better judgement.

I would ground her & take her phone. I’d talk about date rape, pregnancy & respecting yourself. Lying is not cool.

I’d lock her in a closet until she’s 18.~

Well…I’d certainly take the time to talk with my child and address all of the above mentioned things, but..OTOH….kids WILL be kids.
While I do not promote underage drinking and casual sexuality..—yeah, hypocrite these days considering my wild youth in the 70;s, haha ) I think I’d prefer finding a wild party video over having an outcast child that never got invited to parties, tame or otherwise.
I did find a note in my daughters room when she was in 8th grade from a friend of hers talking about blow jobs.

It was tricky. The note was under her bed when I was doing some cleaning, probably fell out of her backpack, but I was still loathe to bring it up because I did not want to be called a snoop even though I was freaking out about 14 yr. old girls talking about bj’s.
We did discuss the content and that was that.
I always told my daughter to not ever give me a reason to snoop, and she didn’t.

Maybe it would be a good time to have a talk about how this won’t be the last time this kind of situation arises and how if you (the kid) find yourself in such a situation, how to navigate safely. Maybe time for a few stories about how I navigated such situations in my day and how crazy the world (and it’s parties) can get and how no matter what happens you just have to come out on top. Explain the kinds of things that have compromised my ability (or the ability of people i know) to master such situations in the past (eg. not knowing your limits. Not being able to read/discern when others are at their limits, how to choose good friends, how to be a good friend, how to have an out, etc..)

I thought about this more and I think what I would say is, “this is what I meant by everything now is being photographed and filmed and you need to conduct yourself in a way that is becoming and respectful to yourself. I saw what you did because it was recorded and if someone decides to spread that video around it can haunt you the rest of your life.”

I doubt I would not have already told her the basics about sex, the internet, and her future. Now she will have proof I was right.

I would be totally shocked. That would be so unlike her that I’d have to start over getting to know her.

@Sunny2 I’m always surprised when parents are surprised.

I would wonder why she asked so many questions regarding young girls and sex.

Some more evidence that modern parents are idiots. Most of you know that what you did as kids would have horrified your parents. They acted like they did not know, you never told, and thus was born a fragile but important understanding. Each generation pushes the envelope a little farther. Modern parents know this. All parents want is that the kids don’t permanently fuck up their life.
Let the kid know that you know. Tell them not to disappoint you by fucking up permanently. Let it go for now.

@JLeslie You don’t know my daughter. Granted she didn’t tell me, until after the fact, that she jumped out of an airplane, but her independent character kept her from ever following the other kids and she would not have hung around kids in high school who would do stuff like you describe..

@Blondesjon And painted so vividly, too. What a surprise.

I would simply tell my daughter that I saw this video, and I was concerned.
Beyond that, nothing.
btw, you did not specify what age my daughter was.

@Sunny2 I think my point is I don’t know why parents think they know their daughters so well. Especially when it comes to sex. I told my mom when I lost my virginity and pretty much felt like I could tell her anything, but she doesn’t know everything I did regarding sex.

When one guy forced sex during one of those wild parties I did not tell. Not everyone cares about your kid.

What @Sunny2 said.

@JLeslie “I think my point is I don’t know why parents think they know their daughters so well.”

Are you saying it is impossible to know teens that well, or people in general?

@longgone I’m only saying I don’t understand when people are surprised to find out their teens did something they wouldn’t expect. A parent might very well know their teens well, but even teens don’t always know themselves well, and they find themselves in situations they would not have predicted, or that does not necessarily jibe with theirnusual persona. Usually the people most adamant that their daughter would never are very strict, ultra conservative parents, but not exclusively, and I know strict parents who actually worry more their kids might do something crazy, so the generalization I make isn’t like some hard fast rule I have, just something I have observed. I know more than one girl who lived with an STD too long because in her parents eyes she never would have had sex and the daughter was not going to tell.

I know teens who partied like it was 1999 and their parents had no clue. There were parents who thought I was the bad influence because I had a very late curfew. The thing is I wasn’t out drugging and drinking, I was going to movies and eating dinner with work friends. Their kids were at that high school friends house party that was broken up by midnight by the cops. Parents are clueless a lot of the time.

Then there is what @josie said about parents being just fine being in the bubble, which I agree with, but that is actually a different thing, but I agree so I thought I would mention it. One of my girlfriends used to say with a smile to her son when he would talk about spending time with his girlfriend, “no no, please leave me in the mommy bubble.” LOL. She knew what was going on and he knew if God forbid something really needed adult help she would be right there for them, but she didn’t want regular info on his sex life. She prefers the idea of sex only in marriage, but doesn’t expect it.

As far as people in general, I am not saying that at all. Parents and children are a unique relationship.

@JLeslie Thank you for clarifying. I agree teens tend to find themselves in situations they wouldn’t have predicted. That was definitely true for me. It’s just that I get frustrated when people insist all teens are unruly morons and not to be trusted… I guess I was a little like @Sunny2‘s daughter.

moral: parents should not be surprised to be surprised.

@longgone Oh, I see. No, I didn’t mean teens are not to be trusted. I am glad you asked me to clarify. Both my husband and I were “good teens” so I know they exist. LOL. But, I still did some things that were what some people might have thought were out of character for me, and there were things my parents did not know about. Although, I don’t think my parents thought I was some pure idealic child. They knew me pretty well, especially my mom.

@ninjacolin Exactly.