Will you play the thanks but no thanks game?

Ok here is the first advice to get this game rolling…

Water your plants once a day.

Thanks but no thanks. My plants only need watering once a week.

Do an internship for John Boehner.

Thanks but no thanks-! wtf man-? LOL

Shampoo your head for at least five minutes before rinsing.

Thanks but no thanks, my head is not a spaghetti pot.

Exercise at least one hour per day until you are sweating like a racehorse.

Thanks. But I probably won’t.

Get off Fluther and get some work done!

Thanks but no….oh, yeah, gotta run. lol

The jelly above me wants to run my errands for me

Um, thanks. Sure. How do I get to your place? Then we can visit your other country place!

TJBM…wait…Would you like some spiral macaroni salad?

Tanks but no thanks. Wash & moisturize your face every night.

Thank you @KNOWITALL! Good idea!

Would you like some words that have no vowels in them?

Thanks, but no thanks. It will just sound like I’m trying to hock up a hairball.

Make sure you have a full tank of gas before heading off on a trip of more than 50 miles.

thanks but no thanks I like surprises and meeting new people.
Want to become a US senator?

Thanks, but no thanks. Not at this time. Wait a few days.

Be sure to let the dogs in at night.

Thanks! My dog is in unless I’m out with her. The joys of not having a fenced in yard.

Be positive. Everything works out in the end. If it hasn’t worked out, it’s not the end.

Thanks, but I don’t believe it. Things DO NOT always work out right. Disasters may be disasters with no silver linings.

Don’t go to bed angry.

Thanks but no thanks…I’ll go to bed angry if I damn well want to. lol
Life is short eat all the cake you can.

Thanks, but no thanks. I’m more of a savory kinda gal. I’d rather eat more pizza than cake.

Don’t let the bedbugs bite.

Thanks, you reminded me I need to wash my sheets today.

Never stick a fork in a plug outlet.

Thanks, for that handy reminder. lol

Wouldn’t it be nice to have 10,000,000 dollars in the bank?

I’d settle for 10,000 at this point. Hell, I’d take just about anything.

Brush your teeth twice a day.

Thanks. Ok.

Write sentences that make sense.

In attempting octopus calves I thus far refrained from ignoring the above giant cornflake.

Thanks.

Give yourself a treat once in a while.

Why thank you! I believe I just did. I went to the College Coffee Shop and bought a cup of their cold spiral noodle salad. Really hit the spot!

You can mow my yard.

Thanks but no thanks. My back is already killing me for sitting long hours staring at my laptop screen.

Watch the movie Gravity. It’s great.

Thanks. I will when ever I see it available.

Would you like some chocolate ice cream? I just got some from Braums.

Thanks but no thanks. Not really fond of chocolate. And more so when an ex who loves Rocky Road dumped me. LOL

Camp out in your yard tonite hoping to see stars.

Thanks but no thanks. Yard is no fun.

Want to watch Judge Judy with me?

Thanks, but no thanks. I can stand her only rarely. She’s too often a loud mouth, rude, bitch ..

Don’t take any wooden nickles.

Thanks!

Love yourself, or else no one else will.

I thought we were supposed to be giving random advice, not asking questions.

Thank you! I will try to do that.

Don’t eat yellow snow. lol

Thanks. Good advice.

Never hug a walrus in heat.

Ya think? Thanks but no thanks.

Would you like some of my shrimp cocktail?

Thanks a heap! I lurve shrimp cocktail.

When laying out paragraphs of copy, watch for widows and orphans, eliminate most hyphens, and try to keep the rag edge free of rivers.

Huh? LOL Thank you. I think.

Don’t eat yellow snow!

Thanks, but as long as the yellow is snow cone syrup it’s all good.
Use deodorant faithfully, every day.

Thanks! Are you trying to tell me something?

Never fight a land war in Asia.

Thanks but no thanks, no land or sea wars for me. I’m a pacifist at heart, unless you really piss me off in which case I shall verbally fillet you. lol

Would you like to fondle my firm pumpkin?

Thanks, but no….Ummmmm, OK !
It is time for your next prostate exam.

No thanks…hard to examine something that does not exist. lol

Who wants to learn the fine art of making poison arrows?

Thanks but no thanks. I might be tempted to use them in a fit of anger.

Would you like to help me prepare for my sons wedding?

(Isn’t the game about giving a piece of advice, not asking random questions? I keep thinking it is being thrown off course.)

@janbb As I said. :)

Sry. I guess I missed that. How much advice can we give??? Trying again.

Wash your dog everyday.

Thanks but no thanks. No time for that, and too much shampooing dries their skin out. Plus, she lives inside, so there’s no need.

Get an oil change every three months or 3000–5000 miles.

Thanks. I’ll REMIND MY HUSBAND! He won’t let me take it to a shop, ‘cause he can do it himself, you know. One little problem with that tho….

Be sure to clean our your bellybutton once in a while.

Thanks, but no thanks. It is always clean.

Avoid kicking cops. They don’t like it.

Thanks, but no thanks. Nothing else to do in this town.

Never send a man to do a woman’s job.

Thanks but no. Men can do dishes too, and, trash and lawn mowing is mandatory for those with penises, one of the few good reasons to be in a relationship. lol

Garlic breath is sexy.

(We’re supposed to be offering advice @Coloma…)

Oh…a non-linear blonde moment. haha

Okay…Garlic breath is bad for your love life

(And your advice would be…?)

That garlic breath is bad for your love life.

Shit..I am not following this game very well apparently. lol
Carry on leader of the pack. :-P

No…I got clocked up there for the same thing!

Do not eat garlic on a first date, unless you don’t like the guy and want to stop him from making a pass at you later on.

No thanks. I’m past the dating stage.

Get Fluther to add a mute button so we can avoid the creepier elements here.

No thanks, I don’t get the creepy elements, must be traveling in different circles. haha

Never talk to creepers that are creeping creepily.

Thanks but not thanks. I happen to have one of my own. He’s 9 months old and does the Lieutenant Dan crawl, like some sort of paraplegic. I can’t help but talk to him because it makes him giggle and bury his head in my neck and start blowing bubbles!

Never wake someone up after they’ve only been asleep for 15 minutes.

Yes, thank you very much, your liable to get a fist in your face. haha

Let sleeping dogs lie

Thanks. I can’t get them to do anything else, unless Rick is around.

Don’t drink beer when you have the stomach flu.

Thanks, I’ll remember that.

Always use pot holders when taking hot things out of the oven.

Thanks, I will.

But better yet, have someone else do it for you so you can put your feet up.

Thanks, great idea!

It is now time for you to get your daily duckies in a row.

Thanks but I Done Did Da Ducks.

Never eat fried shrimp when you really want pancakes and syrup.

Thanks but no thanks. I’ll eat shrimp anytime I want, you twit! :P

Don’t jump on the trampoline right after eating a whole pizza.

Thanks. I’ll remember that.

Don’t give advice advising someone not to do something if @WillWorkForChocolate is going to be the person reading the advice, even if you don’t know it. She kill you.

Thanks a lot, and with a shovel too, she’ll lop my head off like a snake. lol

Eat Starburst candies until you pop all your fillings out.

No thank you. That is disgusting.

To become amazing, drink beer.

Thanks but no thanks. Beer tastes like moose piss.

Replace your AC filters monthly.

Good idea, thanks

Eat more dark leafy greens!

Thanks, if I ate any more I’d be a rabbit.

Never take candy from strangers. Only cheescake. lol

Cheesecake it is!

When you are in the desert, never put a hand or foot where you cannot see (you could get bit by something nasty).

Thanks…yep, been there done that. My cat survived a rattlesnake bite in July of 2012. Scary!

Be aware that baby rattlesnakes inject more venom because of lack of regulation control.

Lack of regulation? What are they thinking? Thanks. We’d better get the guvmint right on that!

Don’t take life too seriously.

Thanks. I’ll try.

No need to stress out about weddings and such. Everything will take care of itself. Just ask your husband.

Thanks…but no thanks, no husband to ask, and besides, what do men know about wedding planning? Pffft. haha

Go forth and multiply today.

Exactly my point. As far as they’re concerned, “See how it all worked out?!” after doing virtually nothing to help!

Thanks, but no thanks. I’m done with that. Today I’m going to go baby sit the 9 month old side- results of my going forth and multiplying in the past.

Do not take anything football announcers say too seriously.

I rarely listen to anything a football announcer says. Thanks.

Eat more avocados!

Thank you, yes, yes and yes! Going out for one today and had one last night with shrimp, french bread and spinach dip. Oh my….the weekend splurge.

Carpe Diem!

Thanks. I think I’m gonna watch that Robin Williams movie again.

Watch the movie Gravity. It’s pretty good.

Ooh, I want to. Probably when it’s released on video though.

If you’re a new parent, sleep when the baby sleeps. If you can’t fall asleep, just lay down and rest.

Thanks, I can attest to the perfection of that advice. Been there, done that.

Everyone go back to bed and sleep through Monday.

Thanks, wish I could. Ugh, not waking up very quickly here this morning.

Drink your coffee first thing every morning.

No thanks. I can’t put coffee on an empty stomach.
I’ll usually have a ice coffee after breakfast.

When entering a room, always scope out the exits first. Also, never sit with your back to the door.

Haha..thanks, but I’m not that paranoid.

Spend at least one hour a day enjoying yourself.

With or without lotion? And an hour seems excessive. What would I do the other 57 minutes?

In the winter, crank the heat and open a window for better sleeping.

Thanks-? Maybe I’ll try that. Trouble sleeping sometimes. Whatever works is fine. : )

Limit unhealthy eating to once a week.

Yes, but that is a great fucking day.

Limit cursing to once an hour.

Sounds about right. lol

A Pumpkin a day keeps the doctor away.

Only if you throw it at him.

Speaking of which, did you know you can eat the skin of roasted delicata squash?

Thanks, no, only an Italian would know that. lol

When you have a cold hug as many elderly people as you cann so they might die faster. haha

@Coloma What the hell?? lmao No thanks!! Haha

If you’re elderly, stay away from @Coloma!! ;0)

LOL

Thanks for warning them Kat…Pffft!

Always look behind you when backing up.

Thanks but no thanks. No need to see who is about to kiss my butt. LOL-!

Don’t forget to smile at that face in the mirror.

Thanks, I agree!

Don’t forget to wash your hands after you go. :-p

Why? I don’t pee on them….

Don’t let yourself run out of catchup.

True dat.

Hug an elderly person whenever you can.
gently

Thanks I just did!

Skip the news for 8 hours. Watch Bugs Bunny.

Hell yes! I have skipped the news for over 10 years now and counting. lol

Always get your beauty rest.

I do, I do.
but it’s not working as I can still scare a bulldog off a meat wagon.

Find a place you trust, and try trusting it for awhile.

Thanks, I’ll ponder that little ditty.

Eat Red Velvet cake in the bath tub with someone you love.

Thanks but no thanks. Sounds like a prescription for pink scum.

Eat and early dinner and crawl in bed with a good book.

Thanks, I might do that soon.

Never put your finger in a light socket hen standing on a wet floor

Thanks, I might do that soon.

Never blow dry your hair sitting in the bathtub

Thanks but no thanks, I heard it’s a cheap new doo.

Eat a cricket, escape a ticket.

Thanks but no thanks. (icky!)

Eat all your dinner! What about all those children starving in China!

I heard a LONG time ago that if you don’t want to gain weight, “The first thing you have to do is give up your membership in the Clean Plate Club.” I still clean my plate, so thanks for the validation.

Never walk over an upside-down ladder while carrying a black cat without a lucky monkey’s paw.

Oh yeah. Will do. Thanks.

Never bully. Never.

Thanks, I agree, no need to bully, I can fillet someone with just a few well delivered words. lol
When in doubt blow your life savings on a whim

Um… no (thanks)

Remember, you can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you should never pick your friend’s nose.

Hahaha….thanks, good advice, I’m hand picking your sagey wisdom.
Never rub your eyes after dicing up Jalapenos

Thanks, I’ll be sure to wear gloves! (I cut them in ½ and throw them in a cheap sandwich bag to seed…just leave what you don’t want in the bag.(

If you daily dance a jig, you’ll never be a pig.

Yes-! But not the jig maybe, another dance step.

Close your eyes and think of a happy thought.

Thanks, I’ll do that—thinking of a happy breakfast moment soon, I am starving!—

Carry a spray bottle with you at all times to spritz obnoxious people in the face

Nooooooo…! LOL

Try not to include pepper spraying an obnoxious person as a happy thought. : )

Oh why not, that’s a pretty happy thought I think. lol

Turn your windshield washer jet outward to spray unsuspecting people by “accident.” Oops…that wonky washer, so sorry! haha

Oh! Thanks and thanks!!!

Quit feeling guilty for sitting on your butt playing on the internet all day!

Thanks, @Dutchess_III, but it’s a glorious sunny day here after days of gloomy wet, so no thanks.

Plan a fresh, summer meal before the last vestiges of summer have fled.

Just did that…made chili with last of my peppers from the garden and now have the last decent watermelon I think is to be had.

Hug a furry friend every day

Thanks. Believe I will!

Quit your job.

NO! I just got one!

Find your keys and don’t lose them next time!

Thanks, I will. The last time I lost them it cost $500 to replace!

Clean the lint out of your belly button.

But I like it innere! I’m saving it up for somethin’ special!

Organic foods are best.

Untrue. IPM grown crops are best. Read more here

However, organic is certainly better than traditional.

Never trust a walrus dressed as a pineapple.

Thanks @cookieman I’ll look into that. Good job!

As for a walrus dressed as a pineapple, Oh, absolutely I would trust one, with my life!

TJBM likes to fillet and release.

Ummm, sounds painful.

Never be afraid to tell the loud ass woman behind you at your kid’s choir concert to shut up.

No thanks. It only seems to escalate those loud women. All they need is an excuse and all hell breaks loose. But if you want to start it, I’ve got your back.

Have cocktail.

Thank you I just did!

Kiss old people when you are sick to support population control lol

@ibstubro The wanker lives down the street from me and knew I meant it. It felt sooooooo good.

@Coloma stay away from my Mimi, you elder killer! :D

Even if you don’t like them, cats are people too, so be nice. It’s true, my cats and I have very meaningful conversations!

Cats love me. I love cats.

Never wear underwear with unintended holes in them.

Thanks but no thanks, love my underwear’s unintended holes

Vote for Trump

Hell no! Errr…No thanks.

Vote for Bernie.

Sure thing!

Kiss one animal or two…

Yes, thank you very much. I kiss cats, geese and horses daily, I don;t kiss the hens though. lol

Fish tacos?

oooooo….love fish tacos….thanks for the reminder :)

Never sit on a sofa with a laptop, cellphone, watch TV and be near pillows on a Sunday….

What’s a be pillow? lol

Care to toss back a few jello shots?

[ Be near pillows I meant to say. To lure in @Symbeline to this game. lol ]

Berserkaline!

No thanks to the Jello shots as I’m currently a non-drinking vegetarian.

Keep your nose to the grindstone.

Thanks but no thanks, a little grinding is good enough.
Keep your eyes on the road and your hands upon the wheel.

And foot easy on the gas pedal!

Revisit all of the Harry Potter movies!