As an adult, have you had a sibling die?

My youngest brother died of cancer of the throat caused by too much smoking and drinking. The two things he liked best in life were talking and eating and he couldn’t do either in the end. So sad. He had stopped smoking and drinking until my father died, then he started again, so he knowingly contributed to his own death. I miss him.

My sturdy, strong, successful and contented brother died of cancer in 1999. He was 56. He fought hard but the non-Hogkin’s Lymphoma was an aggressive kind and finally wore him out. The doctors’ final offer they descriped as “salvage chemo” and he said, “No.” Then his wife took him home to a loving and quick death….over a period of just several days.

It chipped a piece off of all our hearts. I have no tips on how to deal with death. One staggers through the days somehow.

Eventually, in our case, setting up some scholarship funds in his name was useful.

My older brother died a few years back. We weren’t very close, really; there was 8 years of age difference between us, and we lived far apart and rarely saw each other.

His liver began to give out from decades of knocking back beers. One flair-up put him in the intensive care unit, and our mom called me to fly down, thinking that he was dying. On the second day at his bedside, thinking he was never going to leave that room, he asked me to sneak out and go to his house and get rid of some stuff that he didn’t want Mom to find after he died. That actually meant a lot to me. I had never really had a chance to actually do something for him, and it joined us in a sweet conspiratorial union.

To everyone’s surprise, he got a little better. I flew home, knowing that he was going to be released in a couple of days. I got a call a few days later saying that he had died at home.

It wasn’t terribly hard for me, but it was devastating for Mom. They were good buddies, and no parent these days expect to have to bury their children. All of my grieving was for her.

My baby brother committed suacide. My first husband had committed suacide a few years earlier and my brother was the one who found him. Sometimes I feel guilty for bringing my first husband into my baby brothers life. I know that’s not rational but feelings are feelings.
He was in his late 20’s. He’d be 46 now. I still miss him very much.

No. Of course being an only child sorta nixes the experience of having a sibling die. I have lost my parents and various other family members over the years. I am the last of my tribe except for my daughter, an only child too.

@thorninmud My 88 year old mother is in advanced stages of Alzheimer’s. We are not going to tell her about her son dying. Whatever might get through would only devastate her and she wouldn’t have the proper channels to grieve.
So, I understand about your grief being about you mother. A great deal of mine is like that too. I am visiting her tomorrow in the nursing home (the first time since my brother died). It is going to be a struggle to not cry.

I buried my 25 yo brother on my Birthday. He died in a motorcycle accident.

@anniereborn Oh my. I sure feel for you. All my best.

My sister died at the age of 49 several years ago. It took me a very long time to get over her death. She had bought me a funny dog with a candle in it a few days before she died. It still sits near my desk where I can see it each day, and I light the candle every year on her birthday.

Even though I was determined to remember her birthday and not the day of her death, she died on St. Patrick’s Day. Last year (for the first time in years) I was able to wear green again.

Write your brother a letter, and then burn it. While you watch the smoke wending upward, think about your message reaching your brother,

I kept a journal right after my sister died so I could record my changing feelings.

Take good care of yourself. Remember to eat and sleep even if you don’t feel like it. Take care.

Yup, my sister effectively committed suicide by drinking herself to death. She died of alcoholic cirrhosis.

I’m sorry for your loss. I know what you are going through. It’s been 5 years since she’s died and not a day goes by that I don’t think of her at least once. She and I weren’t close in her later years as she’d call my house in a drunken stupor, but she was my sister and I loved her.

Different from your question but I had a brother who died when he was six and I was four. He was a friend and protector. In some ways, I am still mourning that loss.

My brother recently passed away at age 71 after years of deteriorating from emphysema. He was a wanderer, so I seldom saw him. He went many years without any contact, so I got used to thinking of him as gone.

With his at risk behavior, I’m surprised he lasted as long as he did. He spent his last couple of years in nursing homes and was well cared for.

Not entirely, but I was a teenager when my sister passed. Maybe it is not exactly what you’re asking for, but it still affects me 15 years after the fact. I think that losing a sibling changes a person and it’s not a loss that other people can understand unless they have experienced it. I don’t think that it ever really goes away, but the pain becomes dulled over time and it does get easier. I miss her every day, but the sharpness of the grief fades as time passes.
Sorry for your loss.

Just a few years ago my younger sister passed away, after a confusing couple of months when she had multiple strokes and doctors could not find the cause. That was shocking for several reasons, she is the youngest of three siblings, she was the smartest of us, and the wisest of us. I miss her fondly and often.
Dealing with it can only be a matter of time and reflection.

We had the good fortune of adopting her beloved parrot who is a joy and a beautiful reminder of how sweet my sister was to her several pets.

I am the oldest of six children, & I have lost my baby brother (he was 39 years old) & another brother born before him. They both had drug problems, but they had gotten past using drugs. My baby brother died from brain cancer, & my other brother died from a heart attack (he was 55 years old). I helped raise all of my brothers & my sister. I still miss both of them.

@Linda_Owl I am the youngest of 7. My brother who died was the 2nd born child. So I am on the other side of what you are. My 6 siblings helped raise me. I can’t say it was like losing a father, but it was a different type of sibling relationship.

My wife’s sister lived with us for several months, then moved into a board and care for a couple months, then moved in with her mom. She died there a month later.
My wife was inconsolable. She had felt put upon by her sister, who was in a wheelchair while she stayed with us. She regretted encouraging her sister to go into the board and care.