If you are on the verge of a nervous breakdown, isn't that the time your friends should be helping you, not pushing you away?

Only if your helping yourself too!
If you have been bending yours friends ears with all kinds of doom and gloom and negativity and drama for too long, not doing anything to change your situation, even good friends will get tired of how draining it is to interact with you.
Everyone has their limit.
I dropped a friend a few years ago after 3 years of listening to her marriage drama, all she did was complain but wouldn’t take any real action to change her situation.

It got really old, draining, exhausting to be around her, talk to her.
Some people LIKE to be miserable, and that’s a fact!

I dropped my best friend when she was having a nervous breakdown last year. I was going through some rough times myself and couldn’t handle the compounded troubles, so I dropped her.

Biggest mistake I ever made.

@Coloma…I haven’t been, though. I can’t stand when people do that, and I try not to be one of those people, but he does know I have been going through a rough time, especially at work and because of my mom’s health.

@drdoombot…his too…I am done, I think.

What if they just don’t know what to do? People respond differently to a crisis and sometimes a friend who is overwhelmed will just opt to give a friend some space rather than say the wrong thing and make it worse.

Giving a friend some space is not the same as what he did…essentially telling me to not be around.

Yes, @yankeetooter, true friends will come to one’s aid at difficult times. I hope you are able to get the medical attention you need quickly.

I had a breakdown last year. Although I had no friends who could push me away, I had to kind of tell my work something. I told them in as little detail as possible, and the looks I got were incredible. People are cruel. People are ignorant to what they don’t understand, so they will treat you as such. I am sorry this ‘friend’ has treated you like this. I hope this person never has to go through what you are going through. It is situations like this that make me really hate people.

A true friend will not push you away at a time like this, but will help you get the proper medical care that you need. If they aren’t doing that you need to do it yourself. Good luck and I hope you make a swift recovery.

I don’t know your whole situation but, generally I try to see an issue through the other person’s eyes and I rarely suspect nefarious motives. Given that background, I can think of a few potential reasons:
Maybe he has been having his own issues and decided to “put his own oxygen mask on first.” rather than let yours always take priority?
Maybe he found your situation too draining and realized he could not take it anymore without damaging himself. . .
Maybe he saw that anything he did to help made no difference so it was time for you to take a different path.
Maybe it is a form of “tough love” so you would get help.

Obviously I have no idea of the situation or issues. I do know that it is more important than ever for you to take the matter into your own hands and to get it under control.
I wish you well.

What help do you expect? I’m just curious, I am not saying your friends should not help you. I just wonder what your expectations are and what you would do?

I think a good friend will be there to listen to you and check in on you, but they can’t usually be there daily for you, but it depends on what exactly your situation is. It’s difficult to be around people who are having a tough time of it, and especilly if they are having some hard times in their own life they might not have the psychological or physical energy to give to another person.

If you have been going through many years of being in a bad place, friends seem to only have so much stamina for this sort of thing, unless they themselves are psychologically in a very similar state. Misery loves company like the saying goes. But, sometimes that can be bad for both people.

Depends- if you have been having trouble for a long time, people get burnt out on it. A good friend should be there no matter what. Sometimes, it’s all about the person who’s having trouble, and that’s all it’s ever been, so people exit stage left. A really good friend knows the difference, and therein is your answer.

Yes, true friends should come to one’s aid at difficult times, as @Hawaii_Jake says, but some even the best of friends simply aren’t equipped mentally or psychologically to help and so retreat.

I have found in my experience good friends or not, people just don’t want to get involved. If your emotional state has been tense for some time, perhaps your friend is unaware of how unstable you are feeling at this point if your behaviors have not changed. Have you shared this with him/her and expressed specific needs for support? Sometimes even close friends are afraid to be blunt with such a sensitive subject. If you have a true friend I would be honest with him/her and have a sit down. Be specific with what you need from them and if they are your true friend, they will offer before you even ask. Best of luck, I think we’ve all been there at least once.

A situation like that separates the friends from the acquaintances.

It’s a touchy situation, it takes a larger than life personality to step in when someone needs help, many of the responses here are pretty accurate, if they are your friend they will in the least check up on you to make sure your alright. Just know that we are all human and we will have situations that test our character.

Life is 10% of what happens to you 90% on how you handle it.

Everything happens for a reason, when someone is in the wrong they’ll eventually know…......

Some people are not equipped to deal with someone who is having a nervous breakdown.

Some people, as @Coloma pointed out, get wiped out emotionally, themselves, after listening to years and years and years of negativity and giving endless advice and support, when the other person doesn’t do anything to help herself and goes round and round and round in circles coming up with reasons for why the advice is not useful, and constantly mis-understanding what the advice giver is saying.

Most people are neither doctors, nor therapists. It’s not wise to assume that any of your friends, no matter how close you once were, should step into that role.

If this person, to whom you are referring, is someone with whom you are/were falling in love with, and he didn’t share your feelings, then he would have been the worst person for you to confide in with your feelings of anxiety.

It doesn’t matter how close you are to someone in the good times, some people, simply cannot help you in bad times. Hopefully those people can attempt to steer you towards people who can help you, but they may not even know where to steer you and they can’t help you either.

@yankeetooter, I’m sorry for your troubles. Please understand that we can only guess, and poorly at that, how you present yourself to this other person. To us you present avatars that are always weeping.

A normal friendship involves give and take, with people enjoying one another’s company, sharing good times, taking a true interest in one another’s lives and well-being, and supporting one another in times of crisis or difficulty. That’s how you build a friendship that will be there in a time of need. If the tears never stop, it can’t be a normal friendship. That’s a situation that requires the help of a trained professional. Even a willing, well-meaning friend can potentially do harm if he or she tries to be your therapist.

I agree as well with @Kardamom and @Jeruba
The ex friend I speak of could never turn off her drama and need to tell everyone about her marital problems, for years and years. One of the final straws for me was when, at my 50th birthday celebration at a local winery/brewery, she took my date hostage for the entire afternoon, telling him all about her cheating husband and misery.

I didn’t let it effect my good time, I had plenty of other friends and people to mingle with and celebrate, but…I did take notice of her gross selfishness and several others, including her own sister told her how rude her bahavior was, but, she never apologized to me.

I did tell her it was inappropriate and still she just made excuses and justifications for dumping on my guy friend. He is an R.N. and so, naturally fell into the role of mentor and sympathizer, but also felt completely held hostage. It was truly insane, and at that point I knew the help she needed far exceeded what any of us could offer.

Friends can only do so much until they no longer feel they helping, but feel they are talking to a brick wall or that your bad times never seem to end.
This happened to me with a friend that started each conversation with me by saying “I’m so depressed.” I tried to help her for three years but finally I couldn’t take it anymore. She wasn’t helping herself at all. Maybe your friend feels this way.
But the other point I feel that needs to be addressed in your question is that you feel you are on the verge of a nervous break down.
You need serious help with that, not just talking to a friend type of help. If you aren’t seeing a therapist yet, get an appointment with one immediately.
Good luck.

^^^ Right.

M ex friend was also a manipulative type to begin with. Both this ongoing revelation and the 3 year marriage drama combined made the dropping pretty easy for me. Anyone can get kinds stuck at times, for a few months or so, ‘maybe even a year if something is really stressful, but when peoples problems go on for YEARS, 2–3+, it is not always possible to sustain the relationship.

Yes. Other wise then you have fair weather friends.

@talljasperman What if the person has been depressed/sad/anxious for years and has not taken any of the good advice that the friend (or other friends or people) have given? Is it an obligation that this particular friend see the friendship through to the bitter end, even if it means that he will go down in flames of misery too?

What if the “friend” is only that, a friend, but the depressed/sad/anxious person is looking to this person to be the end-all of everything in her life, or to be her soul mate, but he doesn’t have those same feelings about her. Is it his obligation to stick with her, even if it puts him in a very un-comfortable awkward position?

How much “help” is any one person obligated to give to another person, if that other person is ill in such a way that they need professional help?

@Kardamom Nothing is written in stone, everyone has a limit. Best discuss with a friend about boundaries, instead of surprizing with sudden abandonment.

@talljasperman I’m guessing that we are not getting the whole picture here. I doubt that this fellow surprised the OP with sudden abandonment, although I’m sure that’s exactly how it feels to her. That’s why some of us have suggested professional help.

I’m only saying this, because I know she has a history of getting too clingy with fellows, and not being able to read the signs.

I also know that she is a nice person and she’s had a rough few years. Unfortunately, if you try to dump all of your misery onto one person, especially if it’s someone that you see as a potential love interest, and the other person only sees himself as a platonic friend, there are bound to be more problems caused by the fact that they are not on the same page.

I’m afraid that the OP needs more help than any of us can give her, and more help than any person in her real life can give her. I wish her the best and hope that she can find the help that she needs and deserves to lead a rich and full life.

@Kardamom It’s not necessary to drag the OP through the everything-you’ve-ever-posted-on-fluther-is-related-to-one-issue wringer. There is no reason to assume that the friend is anything but a friend. It doesn’t even affect the advice we would offer.

@glacial I see a pattern. Sorry if you don’t. The poor woman needs some professional help, I hope she gets it.

@Kardamom So, I think, do we all. But I also think humiliating her over past indiscretions is not the best way to achieve that. Sorry if you don’t.

@glacial This is a public forum. She has given explicit details about her life on a public forum. She wants help. We’re trying to give it, based on what she has said. You’re way is probably different than mine and that’s OK.

I have a family member that is going through the hardest time. This has been going on for years. I love her very much. I have given solid advice and help all these years. Now we are in different countries, so instead of going over there and loaning money, driving her, moving her, it’s all on skype. Nothing has changed. Every call starts with, “oh my god’ then a litany of the same things. This person has no interest in how I am doing or what my life is like. If I have news I am interrupted with more problems that I have tried to help address for years. It has always been thus. I am her only friend.

Yes, @glacial…you are right…it is just a friend. My love interest, as someone referred to (and who can only ever be that to me…and maybe a friend) knows nothing of all this.

@talljasperman…and everyone else. I…do…not…do…that. “Every call starts with, “oh my god’ then a litany of the same things.” My family does not know the personal turmoil I am going through. What would be the point? In earlier times when I was suffering from depression as well, they knew and seemed not to care.

I post on here because I need to have an outlet…but few people in my “real life” have no idea how much pain I’m in. Why? Because I have learned that trying to share that only leads to more hurt because nobody seems to care…easier to keep it all inside.

@yankeetooter I am her ‘comfort ear’ and I am ok with that. I am there to listen. Hopefully you have that one person that will be your ‘comfort ear’. They don’t have to do anything but listen, and if it’s helpful, then that’s a good thing.

And (sorry for the separate thread)...the reason I feel drawn to the guy I do? He has experienced many hardships in his life, and he has shared with me how he had a nervous breakdown at one point. Still not knowing each other well, and yet he trusted me enough to share that. I sense that he would understand, and I yearn to talk to him about it, but I am so afraid of him reacting the same way that others have, although if anyone would understand, it might be him.

And, I have so much more to give, now that it’s only over scype, and I can’t be treated like a cheapazz scrooge from hell because I asked her for fuel money for the 50 mile roundtrip hauling her around, or sworn at because the seat in my car was broken and therefore uncomfortable. I have lotsa time for her now.