Would my fellow jellies please help me prepare to attend a wedding?

Cocktail attire generally means this is a great time to break out your LBD – little black dress. It’s a little odd to me that they would specify cocktail before cocktail hour (3pm?) but we can’t help that.

I would definitely bring along your nicest coat, and possibly a shawl or stole.

Outdoors in October is such a gamble. Be prepared to leave either the coat or the shawl in the car.

If you have sent a gift already, you don’t need to give them a card on the wedding day. Cards are for accompanying gifts brought to the reception; since you’ve covered that, no card.

I would suggest that you start with comfortable shoes and then find a well-cut navy, dark grey or black silk pants suit to wear. You can find a pretty, colorful or sparkly blouse or camisole and a scarf and jewelry. If your feet hurt, you won’t have fun.

No one says you have to wear a dress.

I did a Google search for cocktail dresses. They come in many different colors, patterns, sleeve lenghts, etc. What the all seem to have in common is the length. They all hit at the knee or slightly above.

Do you need to buy a dress? Macy’s has some really cute ones.

The primary problem with any dress is the shoes. Much easier to wear your clodhoppers with pants.

I like ballet flats, generally, but in what could be a nice autumn afternoon or a freezing tundra, I think pants might be better. Flat, knee-high boots for insulation. ^_^

Usually you would not give a card at the wedding if you already sent a gift unless you were putting money in it. Not that you are expected to do any such thing, you already sent your gift. One of the points of mailing a registry gift directly to the bride is neither you nor the bride and groom need to worry about transporting any gifts or cards.

Cocktail usually to me is very dressy going out to dinner clothing. If wearing a skirt or dress I would wear anything from just below the knee to mid-calf. Younger people might wear above the knee. I hate the description Cocktail, because I think it can be interpreted many ways. If you tend to be introverted simple black or navy solid will let you blend into the crowd. Forest green is also probably a fantastic color on you and cobalt blue is supposedly coming back so you might see dresses in that color if you shop, also good with red heair, but a beige to brown like shades are also a possibility if you think green or cobalt will attract too much attention. You probably gravitate to subdued or monochromtic anyway. Or, maybe not? I think a dressy pant suit is perfectly appropriate also as gail suggested.

About the shoes, outside does not necessarily mean on the lawn, and the reception might be inside even if the wedding is inside. I find it odd to have the attire communicated as cocktail, and then also have a situation where the heel of a woman’s shoe might sink into the dirt. But, some people think of cocktail as just “party” attire and not semi-formal or formal attire. Doesn’t matter, you said you need to wear flats and I think you should wear what is comfortable and not even think about shoes you know will hurt your feet. Or, maybe a slight square heel is very comfortable also, only wear what is comortable.

Accesories dress up even the simplest of dresses or suits. You don’t need gobs of jewelry, but a little glitz can brighten you up and make your look more cocktail. Dangly gold or silver, or button diamond studs, a thick close to the ear hoop. Doesn’t have to be a huge earing, but not too dainty since you describe yourself as full figured. Necklace if that is your style (I almost never wear necklaces, although I find them very attractive on other people). Nice watch or bracelet.

Is the wedding after the time change? If so sundown is probably close to 5:00 at night, so possibly they wanted to get the last bit of daylight, but still have an evening reception and that is why they chose an early start time.

A cocktail dress would be knee length and in a dressy material or as @gailcalled suggests, a dressy pants outfit could also work. Wear something you feel good in and also comfortable in. I have lousy feet but I will wear a dress to a wedding – because I have nice legs. For shoes, I usually go to Naturalizer or a similar store and either buy kitten heels or chunky 1 /12 heels with rounder toes in a wide width in a dressy material. Some of the European brands are more forgiving.

Do have a nice coat or shawl to put over it but I suspect the better part of the wedding will be inside.

And for socializing, a smile and,, “Hi, I’m Hearkat, blah blah blah’s fiance” will get the ball rolling.

Or have some cards made up that say, “I ‘m blah blah. What a lovely day and event. Doesn’t the bride looks beautiful? I just had dental work done and can’t talk.”

I am a pants person, and didn’t wear skirts for years until recently for work in the summer. I highly doubt I would wear a skirt to this event, but I don’t want to be overdressed, either. I have plum slacks with a plum sequins shell and a nice black knit cover (dressier than a cardigan – and buttonless), do you think that would work?

Thanks for confirming about the card. I just feel a bit odd arriving empty-handed; but we already included a note with the gift-wrapped packages.

Plum outfit sounds gorgeous. I had forgotten how pretty a color it is without being flamboyant.

@hearkat Sounds perfect. What about shoes??

I think back on the last two weddings I attended; I have no memory of what anyone other than the brides and their mothers wore, because they were my nieces, my sister and my sister-in-law. My sister wore navy silk pants and matching jacket, my sis-in-law a navy calf-length dress with a matching navy tunic coat…I can’t even remember what I and my daughter wore.

The outfits were very well cut and fitted and very simple…no extra furbelows or fripperies. I suppose everyone wore shoes.

“Cocktail attire” has a quaint sound to it.

Plum sounds great. Good fall color, and I’m sure it is smashing with your red hair.

I also have a rich purple velour top with black pants, if the sequins might be too over-the-top.

I’ve saved my last bottle of haircolor for the occasion. After this, I’m going to use a very low-ammonia formula to fade the red out. I’m ready to embrace my grey!

Where is the event? That might help you decide how much glitz is appropriate.

The ceremony and reception are at the same location – a garden estate in the hilly part of NJ.

The sequins are actually all the same plum color and cover the entire front of the shell, which has a draped neck. I think it might fit a little better than the velour top, which has a square neck and some rouching (spelling?) with ¾ sleeves.

Sequins sound right for cocktail attire. And “ruching.”

For shoes, I have a couple black options with varying heel heights. I just got me insoles that supposedly give arch support and heel cradling in heels. I’ll have to do some tests over the next few workdays.

Sadly, I used to avoid dance floors because I was self-conscious. Now that I’m more comfortable in my skin, my feet hate me (even lying in bed). But my fiancé doesn’t dance, so it’s OK.

I’ll post a photo on Facebook when I’m all gussied-up.

Pick what feels more comfortable since both outfits sound both elegant and appropriate. If you like the fit better on the sequined top, wear it and simply tone down the accessories and jewelry if you want to lower the glitz factor.

I agree with @gailcalled. You can wear simple accesorries and tone it down.

Definitely wear a comfortable shoe, you might get out on the dance floor once or twice, you never know. No matter what being in pain is not good for trying to enjoy a party.

I am terrified of being in crowds, and I hate speaking in public. Last weekend, my step-daughter got married, and I had to walk her down the aisle, dance with her, and make a toast.
How did I prepare? No prepared remarks, just wing it with a couple notes on a business card, and 3 glasses of wine and 3 beers.

@filmfann – I thought it was sweet that both you and her biological father walked her down the aisle together.

@hearkat In his toast, he was very generous towards me, and my role in her life. I wish everyone could have as respecting a relationship as we had with each other.

I find at most weddings now, dress codes are more relaxed. The last wedding I went to, there was everything from formal and elegant to casual dress, there may even be one or two people with jeans on (it seems like it’s usually men that seem to get away with that – jeans and a dress shirt). I wore a pair of black pants similar to what I would wear to work, and a ¾ sleeve blouse, cotton, pastel stripe, and I was not out of place.

For shoes, I am all for ballet flats, like @Seek_Kolinahr suggested. What I may do is wear a heel and have a pair of flats in a small black bag and change before reception. By the end of some weddings you may see people dancing barefoot.

When I was a teen, you would never see women wearing pants to a wedding, and nobody wore black (as per the rules of etiquette). Now most people seem to wear black and ladies wear pants all the time.

Do you know for sure it’s outside? It seems a tough time of year to have an outdoor wedding, unless it’s in a tent. It may be really chilly and windy in NJ end of October. It may be incredibly warm, as it’s been lately in southern NY, but more likely it will be chilly.

@jca – The invitation said “weather permitting”, but didn’t indicate what their acceptable weather criteria are.

Ballet flats are usually too flat and unsupportive for me, since I need arch support and heel cushioning. Many plantar fasciitis suggestions include to have a slight heel to shift more of the weight off the heels.

I’m wearing a 2½” heel today for the first time in ages, and my feet hurt but aren’t killing me. I was thinking of bringing a second pair in case I have too much pain that day.

Not ever a good time to wear experimental and possibly pain-inducing shoes. Throw bedroom slippers and sneakers in your bag. You will look gorgeous from the ankles up and no one (I promise you) will notice you what you are wearing on your feet.

@hearkat: I asked because I can’t imagine having a wedding outside at that time of year with the weather being unpredictable like it is. Unless it’s in a tent…...

@gailcalled made a good point. There are slippers that are dressy and sparkly and look like ballet flats. They could be good for end of wedding when your feet hurt.

I wouldn’t wear slippers but two pairs of shoes are a great idea. I had two pairs of shoes for my son’s wedding.

If you don’t plan on dancing another possibility is shoes that easily slip on and off. You can half slip your foot out while sitting at the table, assuming the tables have table clothes to the floor. The one risk is slipping your foot all the way out and then having trouble getting your foot back in. Possibly a slip on is more painful for you since your toes might need to grip more onto a shoe with no back.

Don’t obsess about the shoes. Any black shoe will be fine. Black shoes will disapper, no one will take note of your heel height or even how dressy or not they are. If the slacks have some movement or a wide leg, a sturdy more significant shoe that gives you more support with a rounded or square toe (not chunky that looks for walking up the hills of San Fran, but a nice walking shoe) will likely look better than a ballet slipper anyway. I have trouble being in very flat shoes even though being barefoot I am just fine.