Can you believe this middle aged woman would do such a thing?

I wouldn’t, and didn’t, do that Nor was I expected to. You may be right about her motive, but that’s kind of short-sighted, to say the least.

If I received an inheritance of any sort, that money would go into an account with both my and my husband’s name on it. That might make me naive, but I haven’t been jaded by multiple failed marriages. I haven’t been given a reason to not trust my husband.

Also, I control both bank accounts even though he’s the bread winner. He isn’t good at remembering to pay bills or keeping track of finances, so I do it all. If he can trust me with all of his money when I could easily screw him over, I can trust him with mine.

If I’d been married three times, my answer might be different. I wouldn’t give another person complete control over my money by handing it over blindly, though. It’s my money after all. I’d be the one sticking it into our account, and I’d know exactly where it was going. Of course bad things could happen, but that’s why some couples pool money while others don’t.

Without knowing either party, it’s hard for me to condemn her. She may be a profligate spender and the money might “burn a hole in her pocket” if she kept it in her own name. She may have given it to him expecting / intending for him to invest it for both of them. She may even have had other sources of income. A “five figure” inheritance is not all that much these days.

You’re also talking about something that happened in 1990, which was, by my calculation, 23 years ago. For some folks, that’s “the good old days”.

I agree that 10K isn’t all that much but I think 90K is.
She had no other sources of income. She left teaching jr high when she married him . And in no way would she not trust herself with money. She had a very poor childhood, worked hard her whole life and , in that area, she is very level headed.
I don’t condemn her and I’m surprised you’d think that’s what I meant. She’s a good friend who has had it rough and the last thing I would do is condemn a person like her. I was simply amazed she’d just blindly turn over an inheritance to husband number one, two or three. She’s often sick, just had a broken kneecap and carpal tunnel surgery and three years ago a stroke. And in one month she lost her very best friend and a newborn baby and is quite depressed. So no; I don’t condemn her.

So this happened in 1990? Are they still together?

And my sisters husband gave her 6K a month for 10 years to keep the house running. Not a single shit was given.

edit:: If the genders were reversed would you care?

What’s mine is his, and what’s his is mine. Two-sided trust is the stable foundation of a healthy marriage.

I have been divorced, and had a live-in relationship of several years that didn’t work out. I kept separate funds back then, and you’ll not have put all my inheritance into a shared account back then. The only influence those mistakes had is that I’m now a better judge of character, and wouldn’t be involved with someone who was not upstanding.

I am now engaged and I would (and do and have) put everything into our shared accounts. My fiancé is stable, mature and trustworthy beyond anyone I’ve ever known. Were he not, I wouldn’t be living with him – let alone engaged and buying a home together. 5-figures is a nice amount of cash, but it doesn’t go very far, so we’d just put most of it towards equity in the house to lower our bills, and probably replace my ‘06 car with 116,000+ miles on it. Might also establish the emergency fund people say should be kept as a cushion.

The only money I would keep separate if I came into a more substantial windfall would be a trust account for my son.

I think it’s ok. I would do the same thing. My fiancé has access to my checking account. We plan on opening a joint account after we’re married. I trust him completely.

If I came into money, I would give it to my s/o, for the simple reason, I am shit with money. I can’t save, I have debts. He is great with money, he sorts all the bills and handles the accounts, I wouldn’t know where to start. If I have spare money in my purse, I think of what I can spend it on rather than to save it.

I think this is a very difficult question. If I have the details right, your friend is not working, so she basically lives of his income. If they keep a joint bank account it can be difficult to say, I know all the money you earn is ours but now that I had some money come in I am going to make it just mine.

Inheritance usually in divorce court is separate money, not counted as a gain durng marriage that would be divided, unless you comingle the funds, then you start giving up your rights to the money solely and it does essentially become common property to be put into the mathematical financial equation of divorce. The laws do vary by state.

If I inherited 50% or less of what my husband makes in a year (I am not working now) I would put the money in a joint account. If it was more I would want to keep it seperate, but it would be a very difficult thing to do. After 20 years of always having our money together, and the last ten with him being the much bigger breadwinner, if I were in his place I think I would be a little annoyed if all of a sudden some money is separate.

I guess part of the decision is how important is it for that money to go to other family members on your side if you die. It is not just a divorce consideration, but a right of survivorship consideration.

When one of my girlfriends got divorced she was super pissed he left with more money because the courts did not count an inheritance he received. She divorced him partly because he only worked part time, had no real drive to make any money, and other reasons. In the divorce they wound up 50/50 custody of their child so she pays her ex child support, and he walked away with about $80k and she with $20k in savings. His inheritance had been around $60k. She thought it was competely unfair. I don’t, but she did, and I do understand why it frustrates her.

I’m going to just say it: she’s effin dumb. No analysis required.

@Aster You wrote that she blindly turned it over to her husband. No she didn’t. She put it in their pot of money.

I don’t think she did anything wrong, although normally I’m all about female empowerment and seperation of money because it’s gone way wrong to too many of our sisters. Only the two people in the relationship know all the in’s and out’s of financial issues.

Personally, my account is in my name only and he gives me money to deposit or use for his portion of bills, and on my death he will have access to the account. We’re adults and together we’ve paid a lot of things off responsibly, but he’s a spender and I’m a saver, so it works for us.

You know, I think that if this happened 23 years ago I might not worry myself with it.

In fact, since this was someone else’s money and completely not my business, I might not worry myself with it even if it happened 23 minutes ago.