What is the method behind single people who claim they want a connection but end up pressuring for sex on the first date?

Not everyone is like that- occasionally I’ve met people who weren’t like that. But you have to sift through a whole lot of dirt to find one little nugget of gold.

Screening for that behavior seems to be mostly about instinct. Some people have a quiet, thoughtful quality about them, and that seems to go hand in hand with wanting to know you as a person. With a lot of people, biological urges, selfishness, and arrogance come first.

There’s no way to avoid handing out rejection. If someone is brash enough to push for sex on the first date, they probably don’t care that they’re making you uncomfortable. Maybe they could use a little rejection.

I have wondered this myself. My last date was me saying ‘crawl up a chicken’s arse and wait, you’ll get laid’- of course never heard from him again, thank god. No, I don’t want you massaging my leg or back during our first movie date. I don’t want you saying that after ONE drink you can’t drive and need to spend the night at my house. I don’t know. honestly, why do people behave this way.

Why can’t it be both? Does sex on the first date rule out any possibility of a lasting relationship? Yes, some guys just want booty, but many, many more want a relationship in addition. The exceptions I know of tend to be religious… though a fair number of them want to find a nice woman to marry so that they can have sex without sinning.And it’s not like those guys who don’t push for first-date sex aren’t quietly hoping.

I’m not saying that all guys are sex-starved horn-dogs, but I will say that those that are open about their desires are honest. It’s the guys who don’t understand “No means no!” that you have to watch out for. And I think I speak for the majority of people of both genders when I say that pushiness is a turn-off.

It is called ‘getting a foot in the door’. Trying to get you to a sense of security to have a buffer later, when they try to convince you to put out.

Thank you @haleth and @trailsillustrated for speaking on this seeming convention. I did laugh about the hen laid comment and there is a good point that such manners should be reproached. I shall not feel as bad in the future.

@jerv my point is that it isn’t for religious reasons at all. Say you met someone at a coffeeshop and had a half hour of interesting conversation then folllowed up with a date. They were of course on their best behavior were engaging and you thought there was promise. So you had sex with them. Now you find out that they are a bore or rude or you just have nothing much in common with them maybe they are married or some other commitment. The list goes on. Having been largely single for the past 8 years. I am tired of jumping in blind. I take much better care in choosing friends, doctors, interests, work and other issues, esp relationships. Why should I disregard courtesy and common sense on a lark. Especially when taking it at a slower pace places such greater value on the whole rite. When it is stripped down to brief encounters and hasty impulsive decisions a person can feel either unduly committed or like they can just walk away. I often find myself in those two positions. I take the risk of psychotic behavoir, diseases, but those can be mitigated. Leaving as a result something so bland it is an action left with no real meaning. Those with the courage and forebearance to wait a bit are indeed taking the greater risk. That has been my overall conclusion after so many years.
@ragingloli I am not sure what you mean. Are you impling their first step secures your knowledge of their interest in carnal knowledge of you and rebuffed or not they are fine with result leaving the ball in your court?

Comedian Bill Burr says that the male penis is like a third base coach, just waving everybody in.

“Oops…..here she comes…..Hi, honey !!.....slide, slide, SLIDE !!”

Not been my experience for the most part at least since my twenties.

There are a lot of sexually compulsive and addicted males out there, bottom line.
This behavior would be a red flag for me.
I JUST had this experience not long ago myself.
A movie “date”, and after being really clear about a “friends first” policy this guy was rubbing my thigh and trying to snuggle in the movie and continued to make references to coming over for a massage, “I’d love to brush your hair”, etc. etc.

I told him he was clearly disrespecting my boundaries and good luck, see ya, not interested.
He made a feeble apology and evaporated back into the mud puddle from which he obviously came.

We are talking about men right? Most single men aren’t going to walk away from sex if they think they can get. Even to their own destruction.

Don’t ask. Just dump them. They are immature and NOT gentlemen.

Just because people are anxious to get naked with other people, doesn’t mean they don’t want a relationship.

Well…the point is that there is SO much more to relationship than sex. Sex is the frosting on the cake, too many people are only about the frosting. lol

Life isn’t a romance novel. This isn’t some cute movie either. You want fairy tales and fiction, and that’s why you’ve been single so much.

Also, as a sidenote, guys generally know how guys think better than women do. You think waiting is a sign of courage? Wow! No, that’s a sign of a patience and tact. So long as you keep thinking guys are all either Prince Charming or pond scum, your love life is going to be disappointing at best. Guys don’t think like they do in your imagination, nor do we think like women. Until you understand that, you’re in for a bad time.

@Coloma That is the sort of guy who gives guys in general a bad rep. The nicest thing I can say about him is that he has no game… and that’s a stretch being that charitable.

Also, eat enough bad cupcakes and you’ll grow to think that the frosting is the only worthwhile part.

@jerv Haha…well he sure was stale and tasteless. lol

@Coloma Maybe dunking him in coffee would’ve improved things…

@jerv Yeah, like a 400 gallon tank of scalding java.
Saaaaave my life I’m goin’ down for the last time…everybody sing now! lol

Jesus Christ. If I ever happen to meet Coloma, I plan on being extraordinarily polite….

@OneBadApple I’m just a witty and humorous type, a bucket of fun, really. :-)

Oh, I don’t doubt that for a minute, Ms. Coloma. Just the same, I ain’t takin’ no chances, and will always pin the ‘Respect-o-Meter’ in your presence…...ma’am…..

@OneBadApple As long as your worm doesn’t come slithering out of your apple it’s all good. lol

No, ma’am…..That would never happen…...ma’am….

I had a wormectomy in 1987

@jerv really. A romance novel? Hardly. Ever walked into a store and ran into 6 people you have had sex with? Or find out that your friends New boyfriend was your old one? Or find out you had sex with a married guy whose wife was out of town? Or what about finding out your new witty handsome intelligent affable fellow is actually probably paranoid schizophrenic who has a penchant for stalking slashing tires and throwing Molotov cocktails into buildings. That breakup not counting the court dates and such would last longer then the relationship.

I could give you a gag reel of funny (now) of lowlights of dating in a big little city. Ok there were some highlights. But most of those guys I didn’t sleep with on the first date.

But I will spare you from going on farther. What about being able to talk to each other and mentally stimulate each other. You can’t tell that from one evening unless the answer is a resounding no.

What about the guy who goes on and on about the ex but not on the first date…. Your telling me I should give everyone the benefit of the doubt???!! Crazy. I am well aware I have flaws not looking for forever either and hope there are flaws in the other. But strs are still relationships.

@Coloma said it best.

@Haleth I need to borrow a sifter.

@ninjacolin I actually happen to be one of those people. I am just as eager to get naked.

To put my spin on things a thing of decandant delight be it ripe fresh fruit a decandent cupcake worthy of cupcake wars a substance nourishing healthy entree or a wine is better when smelled anticipated admired and then slowly chewed. Otherwise we could skip the mouth and pleasure organs all together and just proceed with stuffing.

@Unbroken It’s sad in a funny way that I am better at reading people than you seem to be. If you knew me, you’d see the joke there. I can generally tell if someone is intellectually stimulating (or even can be) in minutes. Usually less than 5. Ifthe answer is no, it’s usually closer to 2.

Yeah I remember you said you were somewhere on the aspberger spectrum.

It is funny. I am getting better but I still need work….

What is the reasoning behind this behavior?
Lust, self-gratification, the ”connection” aspect is just part of the lie they tell themselves that they are not just using the other person for their own needs, and to bamboozle the other person into thinking they are special as to be willing to participate in being used for the needs of the speaker of it. Sex has no mystique anymore, it is mere commodity in a relationship, no matter how green, and the “sex is special ship” set sail long ago.

Hypocrisy_Central no matter how green, and the “sex is special ship” set sail long ago.

That is only true if you believe it, each individual has a right to chose their definition of special.

Though I would not dispute you about the oversexualization idolization.