What to do with a controlling sister?
Asked by
Amo101 (
151
)
October 26th, 2013
I am living with my sister and cousin we pay rent and clean buy food and so on.
My sister was staying by her boyfriend for almost a month and when they have a problem she comes back home and want to put her stress on everybody.
She cleans by him she cooks she buys him and his brother a whole lot of groceries but when she comes here where she lives she doesn’t do all of that just complains.
Today when she came home she starts putting up letters about clean your own mess and a bunch of crap.
We have one fridge and she wants to be the boss on where to put what and how she moved my medicine twice and I move it back. It is Saturday and that’s cleaning day so me and my cousin cleaned not because she said so but because we had to and then she started bragging about a least we could read. I said it’s not because of you and she wants to argue and I must have said something bad cause my boyfriend was there and told me I shouldn’t have said that and what not.
And she was telling everybody that this is her house and I’m like okay why am I staying here if its your house, we all pay equal rent.
They contract is almost up and I am planning on moving but my cousin doesn’t want me to cause he doesn’t get along with her at all but I really want to.
What to do?
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10 Answers
I would definitely just move. I don’t think that it sounds like she is just doing it to you because it sounds like she treats everyone this way. That would be hard to tolerate! Does she own this home? If you all are paying equal rent what makes it her’s? I have a controlling sister also. I can’t imagine living with her!
@Emmy1234 no she doesn’t own it and it’s not even in her name.
She isn’t controlling unless you let her be. Stand up for yourself.
You are enabling her. Stand up to her. She’s an equal. However, she has a narcissistic personality. All focus is on her, her needs, and her need to control. Narcissism is a neurosis that is impossible to live with.
You feel like such a victim that you have lost all sight of your sense of personal power and authority. This is your challenge. Find it! Find your voice here. We teach people how to treat us by our response to them. If we are weak and insecure, and they happen to be a Narcissist, you will be dominated, pushed around, and made to feel powerless. This is a lie. Stop enabling her.
Move out. Get your own life and your own sense of presence and validity established. Do not worry about your cousin. At least your cousin will have somewhere to go in order to get away from her once in awhile. Someone, somewhere needs to hear you roar.
I wouldn’t bother to acknowledge her comments except in the most minimal way. She is clearly baiting you and to confront her would feed the fire. You could non-plus her with something such as “Oh, thanks for sharing. I’ll keep it under advisement.” Then move on without emotion.
If you get your cousin to do the same, it would be most effective.
Move, and take your cousin with you if he wants to.
@elbanditoroso I just don’t have time to argue it just makes no sense to me then we both look like fools. @Skylight there is no talking to her I did and all she did was chups
@marinelife has the right idea. If you and your cousin get along, start looking for a place together. It’d be the best thing for everybody: you and your cousin would have your own place and your sister would be forced to deal with her boyfriend instead of running ‘home’ every time there’s a problem.
Who needs the headache? Just because she’s your sister doesn’t mean your required to take extra crap off of her. Chances are, she’ll never grow out of it. Your best bet, and revenge, is to make a happy life for yourself.
By the way, who does have the lease on the apartment? And if so, who’s stuck with the bill if everyone leaves? The person who owns the lease on the apartment should have the say about how things go there.
@Amo101 – you write that you don’t have time to argue. Fine, that’s a personal choice.
But then you really can’t complain that she is controlling you, because you have tacitly decided to let her control you, by not not doing anything about it.
Again, these are personal decisions, and I’m not going to attempt to tell you how to make them. But I’m trying to address your question.
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