If you are very angry at someone, how would you talk to them?

There is no excuse for verbally abusing anyone. You can speak clearly and firmly but not in an abusive manner, period!
Nobody can “make” you feel a certain way. If your feeling are hurt it is because you are agreeing with their perceptions of you deep down. They are only bringing up what you are already sensitive about.

How you feel is your gig. You CAN ask that someone not put you down, tease you about your vulnerabilities, make fun of your insecurities, etc. Those things in themselves are emotionally abusive.
If you were out of control emotionally and calling your “friend” names, swearing at them, etc. you owe them an apology.

Bottom line, in all relationships, either you are invested in being right or invested in genuinely seeking to resolve problems.

I wouldn’t.

On the rare occasions I do get angry, it’s best to talk in a calm & steady voice.
This affords you great control & leads to the smooth destruction of your “victim” without skipping a heartbeat. Control is key, control is good.

This sounds like how my mum and I speak to each other. She makes me very angry at the moment, and I don’t speak to her all that nicely because of it. Obviously I love her, but I’m very annoyed with her. I speak to her with a angry tone. It isn’t nice and I understand how your friend feels, but I also understand how important it is to get your point across, and to do that, you need a tone. You don’t need to be aggressive in that tone, just firm. Anger isn’t a nice emotion for both parties involved.

When you are angry it’s best to walk away, because when saying something hurtful it can not be taken back even if you apologize. Rather return later to talk to that person.

You teach people how to treat you! I’ve tried it, and it works!

If he’s disrespecting you, just tell him that you’re not going to talk to him anymore until he starts treating you properly (by what he says, his tone of voice, or his actions, it doesn’t matter). Then tell him you’re hanging up. After that, go have a good cry, or beat up a pillow or something. If he calls you back and continues to be disrespectful, tell him the line again, and hang up. If you stick with this, he’ll come around.

I don’t talk to people when I am angry. I wait until I am more in control of myself.

We must learn to control anger or else it gets out of control and turns destructive leading to many problems. Whenever you feel angry at a person, walk away and give yourself some time to calm down, then talk to them and let them know why you are upset, so that they can avoid doing the same thing again.Yelling at them will never help, it’s going to make you and the other person more angry.Keep your cool.

Learn to say, “I’m very angry right now. Let’s talk when I’m over the anger.” Then do that. Talk about what made you angry later, when you are both calm.

@YARNLADY and others on this thread are certainly correct. Too often when we’re very angry our ability to communicate rationally, either verbally and especially in writing (not to mention calmly and respectfully) is crippled. It’s not easy to tell someone you’re angry when angry, as @Sunny2 wisely suggests—that runs the risk of accelerating the other person’s anger—but it’s almost always the best course to take. Postponing the discussion a few days affords time to regain perspective and soothe raw emotions.

Wish I had followed my own sage advice more often. ;-)

If I was angry at someone, I wouldn’t talk to them. If I I wanted to resolve the problem, I would calm myself down and tell them why I was upset.

Actually I prefer writing a letter or email or message when I’m really mad. When it’s hubs , I’m very calm and in a conversational tone with tell them why I’m upset and why it shouldn’t happen again. When you raise your voice, you’ve already lost the battle imo.

This does not include fluther.