Is my ex still upset/hurting or is he just uninterested?

It probably really hurt his feelings that your sister was chewing on him a little. Tell him to forget about it and move on.

I think what your sister said bothered him and it probably turned him off. Maybe it is still bothering him because he cares about you but knows you don’t want him back. Being friends might be too hard for him. If you don’t want him back, you should let him decide if he wants to be friends or not. If not, let it go.

Leave the poor guy alone to lick his wounds. Pressuring him to be friends after you kicked his ass to the curb and divorced him and your sister jumped him too…sheesh….leave him alone. How selfish can you be?

He obviously is not ready to be friends. I would text him or call him and say that you value his friendship and would love to have him back in your life as a friend when he is ready. Then, don’t push him.

Maybe he’s just not into you at all anymore.
It sounds pretty controlling of you to determine when you can and can’t be friends. If I got a text like that from an ex my first reaction would be to F off and I’m usually a pretty nice person.

He began losing interest in you. That is why he was neglectful at the end. Do you understand that? When a guy becomes neglectful he is losing interest. It doesn’t matter how much you loved him.

Guys are not saints (neither are girls). When they like a girl, they want a lot from her. When they ignore her and become distant, they are losing interest. Period.

You would have been smart to break up with him IF you had self respect. However, in reading how you have handled this, I suspect that you did it to manipulate him, thinking that by breaking up with him you’d get a reaction, a little attention if he thought he was losing you. That is using control and manipulation.

The mood you are basically expressing is, “how dare he not want to be friends when I loved him more than he loved me.” Seems like all of the interest is on YOUR side, not his. He was probably glad you broke up with him so he didn’t have to be the bad guy, even though he already was by treating you poorly. Do you understand that? He’s not a really great guy. He’s passive-aggressive. If anything was hurt it was probably his ego, not his heart.

Perhaps after the fact, you were hurt because he didn’t come running back to you. So, when you got over your hurt about that enough, you decided that friendship was better than nothing because you knew that’s all you could get from him.

As well, in breaking up, he owes you nothing. It is his choice as to whether or not to keep your friendship in his life.

The best thing you can do now is to respect what this guy needs, quit thinking he should act a certain way, and leave him alone. Also, I’d set some boundaries with my sister if I were you.

Since you broke it off, and then your sister texted him how dissappointed she was (which I find innapropriate of her, but I realize I don’t know all the details) I’m thinking he isn’t feeling like just following along with another decision made by you about what relationship you both are going to have with each other. I think either he was very hurt by the break up and is trying to heal, or he is taking his control back and not letting you make all the decisions about whether you both interact or not. I think probably more time needs to pass. Maybe once he has a new girlfriend.

Just my guess.

If anything it was me who loved him more than he loved me. So he should be fine with being friends right? It hurts that he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore…

It is not for you to decide what should or should not be fine with him. You are, of course, allowed to feel hurt. Breaking up is usually very painful

1) I think it’s rather arrogant and imperious of you to say :“I’m ready to be friends now”. Sort of like the Queen deciding to pardon a subject. Do you really think he’s been panting for you to smile your grace on him for six months?

2) I agree with @gailcalled – it’s not for you tell him what he ought to think

3) They way you describe things, you paint yourself as an angel with no responsibility for anything. It’s HE who didn’t have time for YOU, the queen. It’s YOU who loved him too much…. where’s your responsibility here?

4) I sympathize with the guy. You seem like a prima donna, and he probably is tired of being treated like a doormat. The way I see it, he’s using what your sister said, because he wants nothing to do with you.

@elbanditoroso The reason I messaged saying I’m ready to be his friend is because when we had our break up conversation he said he wanted to stay friends because he didn’t want me to disappear from his life. I told him I wasn’t ready for that yet but would contact him when I’m ready. Please don’t misunderstand the situation. I should have made it more clear. Sorry.

He ignored me for a whole week in the end and I knew then I had to break up with him. I’m sure most women would have a problem with their boyfriend not replying to their messages for a whole week.

Unfortunately my sister sent him that text after our nice break up conversation about being friends one day.

@Beatrix He’s not your boyfriend, he is now your EX-husband. Sooo…when you weren’t ready to be friends it was okay, but now he is supposed to jump through your hoop on command like trained Seal? I don’t think so. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.

@Skylight Brilliantly spoken, welcome to the pod. :-)

“You loved him more than he loved you”, really? Do you have a Love Meter that can confirm that? LOL… I suggest you leave him alone, don’t force friendship because you’re ready as it appears he’s not. Wait until he is over you, he’ll come around when the time is right.

He’s probably done with you. And your sister. It’s beyond me how you know you loved him more than the other way around. Did it ever occur to you that his devotion to his work, in the end, was all about your life together; the making of a comfortable life? He’s probably moved on and for good reason. Plus, you should really put your meddling sister on notice to stay out of your private affairs in the future—unless you feel your really need the protection afforded usually to children, and not adults.

I agree with what other’s wrote just because you are ready does not mean he is. Or maybe he has just moved on and does not want to be friends. Not everyone settles into friendships with ex’s some do, some don’t. Unfortunately (?) we can’t control people and make them meet our expectations.

He probably told you he wanted to stay friends at the time because he still liked you and didn’t want to lose you. In his mind he probably thought if you were still friends, there is a chance you could get back together. But now he’s probably gotten over you and sees no reason to rekindle any kind of relationship.