When someone feels s/he needs to be "perfect," does that have any real meaning?

I’m not exactly sure what those people mean, but I suspect they don’t really know either. When one goal is achieved (as with anything), the feeling of having arrived is usually short or missed altogether, and the next goal towards “perfection” is to be obtained. It’s a recipe for perpetual discomfort with the current state.

A few years ago I heard a quote that I laughed off as a joke, but I keep coming back to it because something about it resonates as true to me…

“Each of you is perfect the way you are..and you can use a little improvement.” – Shunryu Suzuki (I think).

To me, this is a more productive and healthy way at approaching these issues.

In my opinion it usually means that person is easily dissappointed, high strung, and living their life for the approval of others. Not necessarily though.

Of course, it really depends how the person defines perfect. Some perfectionists get very little done, because they get paralized. Afraid to make a decision that won’t have a perfect result. Some perfectionists are very driven, making many decisions and changes until they can get to that place of perfection. So many ways perfect can play out.

Someone who wants a perfect body or face, their obsessions might result in low self esteem, multiple surgeries. Or, maybe it is just someone who won’t leave their house without make-up, but accepts the features God gave them.

I think when someone is a perfectionist in multiple realms of their life and expect perfection from others is when it starts to push the envelope. That life can be an exhausting existence.

“Perfect” depends on the context.

In math, perfect means (of a number) equal to the sum of its positive divisors, e.g., the number 6, whose divisors (1, 2, 3) also add up to 6.

In health, “perfect” is impossible (far too many opinions of what perfect would be; far to many variables). However, going by the general definition of “perfect,” one’s health can have all the required or desirable elements, qualities, or characteristics to be as good as it is possible to be.

I agree with @JLeslie
Extreme perfectionism is an anxiety disorder and mental health issue.
Most perfectionists are also control freaks, a really sharp double edged sword.

In general I’ve seen this to be the requirement / wish of an immature person, or one who is so neurotic as to be nearly non-functional in the real world. Not knowing the genesis of your question, I don’t want to go farther than that yet.

Perfect is the best door to someone’s imagination. Comfort also adds to perfection. If someone is comfortable where he/she is at, wakes up in the morning with less stressful ambitions, then I think he has a perfectness in his life. Our ambitions, not being where we want to be in all terms (physically and more) takes perfection further away in our minds.

Perhaps perfection in the common sense is an illusion, just like the love that exists in cheesy movies. But perfection for the individuals taken with context is real. Perfection isn’t one thing. It varies from person to person. To reach perfection you need to ask yourself “what in life would make me comfortable with myself and others?”.

I think in cases of low self-esteem, many mentally confuse the word “acceptable” with “perfect.”

They are not accepting of themselves, and any slight suggestion of imperfection from someone else is justification for their self-hatred.

They constantly crave validation from other people, because they’re ruminating on their own poison all day long, and it’s just a grasp for something that makes you not feel like crap.

But then, as soon as someone knows this, they want to “help fix you”. Which of course is validation that you’re broken, and worthless, and unacceptable in your current state…

…it doesn’t make much sense, but it’s their and my normal.

People and things begin to look a whole lot more perfect when you drop the notion that perfection excludes elements that challenge or cause discomfort. Such a notion of perfection is itself imperfect, in that it leaves out an important dimension of perfection.

The Japanese understand this well. There’s a saying, “The full moon is so much more beautiful with a few clouds around it.” They consider an item that has been used and broken and carefully repaired to be more perfect than when it was new and pristine, because it has more life and complex character. That spirit was captured in a famous poem by the monk Ryukan, talking about his wooden bowl:

This treasure was discovered in a bamboo thicket—
I washed the bowl in a spring and then mended it.
After morning meditation, I take my gruel in it;
At night, it serves me soup or rice.
Cracked, worn, weather-beaten, and misshapen
But still of noble stock!

The idea of Perfection can be a toxic force until one sees that what we may have taken as “flaws” are part of perfection, in people as in objects. They create the dynamic tension that keeps life interesting.

I don’t know why someone would want perfection. I didn’t even know it existed. We all have flaws.

I always feel like I need to be perfect. And it hurts every time I realise that I’m not. Of course I know I’m not, I know it every day, every hour, every second in my live, but it still getting me down, even if someone is just better as me or I haven’t as much as somebody. I’m never good enough. I think it destroys myself in many terms, but i can not stop my thinkin’. I tried, but it failed. Noone will ever understand. Maybe for some people it looks like I’m happy, but I’m not and I know that I will never be. Maybe it’s hard to understand. Everyone sees me as a happy girl, with a great relationship, without big problems, but that’s not the truth. It just seems so, ‘cause I want it like that. I want people to think I’m perfect, but inside me I know that I’m not and that hurts more than anything else. Maybe some day someone will understand, maybe not. But perfectionism ruled my live a long time, and in many respects it still does.

@BerlinRose I think a lot of people understand.

Why is it so important to you to be perfect? Something from your childhood? What is going to happen if you make a mistake? What do you think when someone else makes a mistake?

@JLeslie Maybe you’re right but I don’t know anybody who understands…

I don’t know, nobody ever told me that I have to be perfect. It’s just a feeling inside me, but I don’t know why.
I often hate myself, ‘cause of mistakes. Sometimes I try to show myself that it wasn’t bad, cause everyone make mistakes, sometimes not. It doesn’t matter when somebody else make a mistake, I don’t care. I know, it seems like I’m insensetive, but I think I’m not, it’s just the truth…

@BerlinRose If you are in Germany, and I went with the stereotype (stereotypes don’t apply to everyone of course and can be dead wrong) Germans culturally tend to have a lot of pressure to be perfect. It makes them good engineers, great record keepers, the country is beautiful, but there is a lot of pressure to do things the right way.

I think your self esteem is very low, which is very common, especially for young women around the world (I don’t know how old you are) and if these thoughts are constantly in your mind you might want to see a therapist. You might feel better.

People are called complex when they show inconsistencies in behavior. In one sense, this is a departure from perfection, but in another sense complexity of this sort makes us more interesting. How dull it would be to be perfectly predictable.

I am reminded of the French formal gardens that were created during the Enlightenment to demonstrate man’s control over nature. I suppose some people like such gardens but I find them really dreary. By contrast, there is a wildflower preserve near where I live, covering about 100 acres.. Flowers are planted with greater diversity than would ordinarily occur naturally, although all the plants are locally native. Once planted, the flowers can do their own thing, aided by removal of invasive weeds and a fence to keep out deer.. The result is a wonderful and seasonally changing display of flowers, especially impressive in early spring when all the different types of spring ephemerals make their brief appearances.

Perfection is fulfilling one’s own definition of the word perfect. Like someone saying “I’m my own worst critic.” Everyone holds themselves to a certain standard.

@JLeslie I think the pressure to do things the right way is in Germany as low or as high as everywhere else. Okay maybe not as everywhere, but I can’t see so many differents between Germany and England in this term. In other terms – yeah, I think many people here are quit different than in Germany, I remember a Visit of Canterbury at Spring, I was frising as.. whatever and the people around me wear hot pents…
I know that many think of perfectionism when they think of Germany (there are even commercials in german tv about it…) and I think in many terms it’s like that, but in my opinion as much as in other Nations.

I think you’re right (btw I’m 15). But it’s not like I’m unhappy. I’m not unhappy, but I’m not happy as well. Of course when I’m with my friends or something like that I’m not down, it’s always funny and I think I’m happy in this times, but generally I’m not.
However, thank’s :)

The Chinese have a saying that the greatest perfection seems flawed.

People “want” perfection because they know it’s a unreasonable expectation that they can never achieve. By never meeting their goal, they perpetuate their self-fulfilling prophecy of being a failure and can wallow in self-pity and whine for attention (e.g. FML).

The real meaning of perfectionism is a lower level of happiness.

It does to that person. Hopefully they realize that striving for perfection is great but thinking you can be perfect is delusional