How can I get my family to accept my fiance?

They don’t have to marry him, so it’s not their place to disapprove. And yes, they are racist if they disapprove of you being with someone that is not white. Sorry. I honestly wouldn’t give a hoot if they liked him or not. Not caring seems to solve most problems like this.

They are indeed racist if they have a problem with you marrying someone “Not white”.
Do not bother trying to change their racism, it would only end in failure.
What you can and should do however, is to confront them about their racist/rude treatment of him and demand that they stop that shit.
You need to actively defend him, and not worry about how you can accomodate your racist family.
(remind them that he is the only real american in the room, and that they are just guests in his country)

In this case “traditional” is a code word for racist. They may not want to be but they are.
Call them out when they are rude and if Sam can handle it keep bringing him around. Once they realize he bleeds red just like them they will eventually come around. Especially if they don’t want to be racist.

Two questions for you: Who are you planning on spending the rest of your life with? And when you roll over in the morning, and really need someone to take care of you, who are you going to look to? Go into it with the idea they can accept your choices or they are rejecting you. If it came down to it I’d tell my family to fuck off.

^ once again, @ragingloli says it so I don’t have to.

Especially the small print.

You can’‘t get them to do anything. They have to acceptance themselves.

All you (and he) can do is to keep exposing the family to the decent friendly person that he is. And hope that it sticks.

I disagree with @ragingloli and @Seek_Kolinahr ‘s strategy in small print. The fact that he is native american is interesting but not really relevant. You would have the same issue if the guy were Asian, black, african, or Greek. It’s the “non-Wasp-white” that’s the issue, not the American Indian issue.

I agree with what everybody else has said. There really isn’t much more to add.

People are funny. My fiancé is Native American and its a total non issue with my family.

I completely understand what you all are saying. My younger cousin has started seeing this Puerto Rican guy, though, and the family seems to have instantly taken to him. So there is a difference. I just can’t help but feel that if, for example, Sam was black, my family would have much less of a problem with it. Like I said, the cultural difference is a lot more drastic. I don’t think they really entirely understand him. Like, they’ll tell my cousin “Bring Eli!” But when it comes to Sam, they’ll just sort of not speak of the fact that he’s going to be coming, or they’ll ask my mother on the phone “Is Storm bringing her boyfriend?” And it’s just very strange as he’s been around for a while now. But anyways, point being, it would be different, I think, if he were a different race. I don’t quite understand it.

So do they not like him because he’s not white, or do they not like him for another reason?

Are you crying racism when it’s not racism?

@Storm2834 It sounds like your family doesn’t like Sam because he’s Sam. I don’t think it has anything to do with his race, seeing as they have no issues with your cousin’s boyfriend and they would be ok with you dating a non Caucasian.

Plus what is the huge cultural difference to which you are referring? Is Sam trying to do a rain dance in the back yard or something? Is he shooting a arrows into your mother’s pansies?

Even if there are cultural differences, unless those differences involve Sam being mean, or rude or offensive to your family, it doesn’t matter. Most Americans come from all sorts of diverse backgrounds, but once they’re here, including the Native Americans that were already here, we all kind of act like, well, Americans, so the only problem I see, is that he’s not white, or that they have some sort of stereotype in their mind, like he’s some sort of un-civilized savage. It’s your job to call them out on their behavior and tell them that you won’t tolerate their treatment of Sam. The only thing that would change my mind about this situation, is if your boyfriend actually has done something to piss them off? Like if he was a criminal, or into drugs, or treated you like a second class citizen. If none of those things are true about Sam, then your family are just garden variety racists. They are using the word “traditional” to cover up that fact.

It’s just like people (usually from the Southern US States) who fly their “traditional” Confederate flag, when most people understand that that flag represents slavery and is an affront to most African Americans.

If they care about your happiness, they will accept who you love into the family. If they don’t, that’s their problem, not yours. Live your own life. Be happy with Sam. You sound like you really love him :)

Since your original concern has really been addressed (and I agree with them all…who are you spending the rest of your life with?) I am curious as to how “the cultural difference is much more drastic than with some other races.” In what way?

Oh. Kardamom already axed that!

@storm Native Americans are the original Americans, and even though I’m from a fairly predudice rural area, they should be PROUD to have a son-in-law that will bring that blood into your family line. Immigrants are one thing, but they are natives, so it shouldn’t be just about his heritage or skin color. Unacceptable, be proud of your honey’s roots and respect it, it’s a beautiful culture that accepts orphans, homosexuals and all kinds of different people with love and respect.

@Kardamom Rain dance? Shooting arrows? That is stereotyping to the nth degree. :(

You don’t understand the Confederate flag, and it does NOT represent slavery to all of us.

We’re still waiting to hear if they actually have a problem with his personality. I would think a Puerto Rican would have a much greater cultural difference than a Native American would (assuming they are actually FROM Puerto Rico.)

Dump your family and stick with Sam.
Dump Sam and maintain close relationships with your family.
A tough choice and it happens everyday.

@KNOWITALL My references to rain dances and arrows was to make the point that if her family equates Sam’s being a Native American to those stereotypical ideas then they do have a problem.

Also, you are white. The Confederate flag is a horrible symbol of slavery to most African Americans, and I’m guessing to most non-African Americans as well.

That’s like saying the Nazi symbol doesn’t represent genocide to everyone. Some of those White Supremacists think it’s super awesome! Or that it’s a symbol of White Superiority (which isn’t a good thing either, shhhhhhh don’t tell tell anybody).

@Kardamom “The Confederate flag is a horrible symbol of slavery to most African Americans, and I’m guessing to most non-African Americans as well.”

Unless you live in the South, and it’s flying in front of the state house. And everyone insists it has nothing to do with slavery and it’s just a “southern culture thing.”

Accept that you can’t and remain loyal to your fiance.

@Kardamom Cool, didn’t know how to take it at first, I was like whoa….lol

When you have time, try this link so you’ll get real answers about Confederate flags.

Anyway this man was an amateur historian, and scholar. He spent his retired days raising money to take care of cemetaries, and other such pursuits.

Whenever I talked about his group, the thing he tossed his venom at the most was how the KKK took their flag and dishonored it. He told me that anywhere in his region that there was a KKK rally or event, he would make sure there would always be a bigger SCV presence to protest against them.

The point is that the flag means different things to different people. To the guy riding the Harley, it probably doesn’t mean anything except “I’m a rebel,” and the Civil War is furthest from his mind. To others it means slavery, to others, racism, to others pride that even though they lost, they still think they’re right.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=104x3795117

Hm. Well, according to our culture if something is offensive to even one single person, that something is to be done away with, right?

@Dutchess_III Not in my world.

I don’t fly a Confederate flag but I do own a few relics from my grandfather (RIP), and he never uttered one single racist word my entire life, fought for our country, and was a genuinely stand-up guy.

Not in my world either, but that seems to be the consensus of the internet. If you know one person who is lactose intolerant, everyone must stop drinking milk!

@Dutchess_III When I was a kid, I got in trouble for sassing someone and I told my mom that if we treat others as we’d be treated, that person must have wanted me to be mean to them because they were mean to me. She said, it doesn’t work that way, April Dawn, now go apologize…lol

LOL! Oh that’s great reasoning April Dawn!

Call it what you want but “traditional” is a euphemism for bigotry.

How strong are you to stand up to your family’s judgemental attitudes?

What happens if he wants to incorporate some of his cultural traditions into the wedding ceremony?

And what happens if your childs DNA harkens back a few generations and turns out a brown skin tone with straight black hair?