What are some tips for gaining overall confidence and developing a go-getter mentality?

Join a mother/child play group.

Find a niche and become really good at it.

relevant?

I’ve never been a ‘go-getter’ so I can not advise you how to develop that. Rather, I am going to suggest that you contemplate why your attitude and behavior shifted after the birth of your child. Many perceive the ‘go-getter’ persona to be self-absorbed and perhaps reckless at times by focusing on a career goal and aggressively doing whatever it takes to achieve it, without considering the impact on their personal lives or what happens next after the goal is achieved or what happens if the goal is unachievable.

With the birth of a child, many people experience a shift in perspective and priorities, since you now have a human being to whom you are fully accountable and for whom you are fully responsible for at least 18 years. The kid didn’t ask to be born, and so it be hooves the parents to make that child’s development and week-being a priority. Parenting is a 24/7 career whether you stay at home or have a paying job. I was a single mother, so I am speaking from experience. Even if you have a great relationship with the other parent and all are under the same roof, the child is priority #1, the family unit is priority #2, and your career comes after.

This reshifting of priorities isn’t easy when someone has been career-driven, and being successful in one’s career does benefit the child and family not only by providing income, but also if it provides the parent with a sense of fulfillment. Therefore, it is necessary to find a balance between family and career, and also to include family in the process of balancing. Have you discussed your dilemma with your partner? If you’re feeling uneasy about work situations, it does carry over into the home life in some way – even if only because you are preoccupied with your situation. Let the family in and explain what’s troubling you – they may not have answers, but at least this will give them some insight so they know that your discontent is not because of something in the home situation. On the other hand, they might surprise you with some insight, because hopefully your partner knows you better than anyone.

Heck, this listlessness may even just be a result of brain fog if your sleep patterns have changed and especially if sleep is disrupted by the baby. Regardless, I hope I’ve offered some food for thought.

Overprotection of me completely backfired for my parents.

Fundie Christians, they believed it was their duty to shield me from any worldly thing that could corrupt me.

This had the effect of making me seethe with resentment especially for my mother (I realize now that my dad wouldn’t have taken this approach alone).

The worst effect this had was a stunting of my normal social development. My mother seemed to know exactly what things and activities would have helped me fit in and forbade them.

I learned to say “yes ma’am” then go secretly do what I pleased. In time this caused me to be fearless and impossible to shock. I rebelled with Goth style crossdressing and a taste for kink. It’s possible that though it made for a hard childhood I’m a much more interesting person than now than I might have been. Mom’s rearing style unintentionally forced me to think and act like an individual.

I’ve re read your question and realize the above isn’t spot on topic. I’ll post it anyway as it might be helpful.

More on topic:

I’ve learned through my own experience and research that my mom suffers from an anxiety disorder. She refuses to believe it to this day. My coming into her life obviously made this condition worse and it was constantly projected on me. I believe she would benefit greatly from medication but fundies don’t believe in pshycopharmacy.

An instinct to protect is natural. Firstly don’t beat yourself up over it. @YARNLADY ‘s suggestion to socialize with other new moms sounds like a very good idea to me. I didn’t get to experience this sort of benefit due to my mom’s fear of socializing.

Also, give yourself permission to explore while the child is in the hands of someone you trust. Preserve what you can of your pre-motherhood life.

@SecondHandStoke Not sure if it makes any difference for your answer but I’m a father not a mother haha!

^Ouch!

Sorry.

@pleiades I thought of that after I submitted my answer. I should have typed parent. Sorry.

Building confidence was a question I struggled with until I found an answer in David D. Burns’ Feeling Good: To put it simply, you have to become aware of the way you talk to yourself. A lot of the time, people with low confidence are saying talking negatively to themselves. You must learn to examine these negative thoughts and rationally explain to yourself why they are not true.

With practice and dedication, I found that the more I “explained away” my irrational, negative self-talk as unreasonable, the more my confidence grew.

Having a child seems to have had an effect on the way you talk to yourself, and consequently, your behavior. You need to examine what has changed in your thinking and ask yourself if you’re being rational. Keeping a notebook with you and jotting down your thoughts is extremely helpful with this (or use a Note app on your smartphone of choice).

@drdoombot That’s super interesting! I always tend to have to battle the voices in me that first figure out how to cut corners and half ass everything to get to the more “noble” and most “logical” stand point.