Are we becoming a nation that is trying to discourage bad behavior by displaying even worse behavior?

Great point! Reading the story about your acquaintance in the parking lot just makes me think everyone is constantly angry. I hate it. Growing up, if we bumped into someone we said, “sorry,” didn’t matter whose fault, if you could even find fault. Both people usually said it at once. Now, everyone wants to blame everyone else, and no feelings of trust. I would never think someone purposely bumped into me for instance, but other people do. They think everyone else has mal intentions or ill will. Just awful this sort of thinking.

The best way to breed good feelings and community is for people to assume good intentions and behave as we hope others would behave.

There seems to also be no room for mistakes. Everyone has super high expectations of everyone performing perfectly as expected. Another reason for anger actually, because when people don’t meet our expectations it can cause anger. I made a minor mistake on the road the other day and lucky the other driver was alert and nothing came if it. I waved and mouthed thank you. He waved back. Nice.

I see it plain as day that people who never receive pleasant treatment or unexpected favors don’t treat others nicely. They don’t know how to do it, they haven’t witnessed it and they don’t believe it happens.

It is pretty much a pay it forward attitude that we need to instill. I think it all ties together.

I do think the pedestrian gets the right of way, but in parking lots usually the driver and pedestrian look at each other and one offers the other the right of way, to make sure no one gets hurt. I just said on another Q this seems to be losing favor. I don’t get it. Don’t you want to make sure as a pedestrian the driver sees you?

Exactly @JLeslie. If a car is rolling and I’m on foot, I stop. If the driver of the car stops, I wave “Thanks!” and hustle on across. If they don’t, I just wait. If a car even stops at a cross walk for me I wave “Thanks.” I’ve taught my kids to do the same thing. Nobody owes me anything, IMO.

One has to revert to their own nature. A person with a weak character looks around, sees rudeness and uses it as an excuse to behave poorly. They only do that because they already have it in them to behave poorly, they just needed an excuse. Those who don’t have it in them to behave poorly will not lower themselves to do so.

These days, you have to be careful. More people are packin’ heat and, they are so frustrated about everything in their world and the society in which they live, it may just be the straw that breaks the camel’s back to confront them. Personally, I don’t trust the sanity of anyone around me. We can’t know if they’ve lost their job, their home, their kid to some foreign military debacle, or if they have the money to feed their kids and their pets. We can’t know if they just found out they have Cancer or someone broke in and took everything they owned.

This is just one perspective, and, I am certainly not making excuses for the prevalent poor behavior we are experiencing these days. It sucks, and we’ve all had to experience it.

What I do is choose my battles. There are some pretty unhinged people walking around out there just looking for someone to make their day.

If the buck doesn’t stop somewhere, it doesn’t stop. If one has high ideals, they look around at how people are acting and just don’t get it.

That is a compliment to your own nature. I just see it for the nuisance it is, and don’t involve myself. You will never, ever meet the last a—hole. Best to develop immunity.

GA @Skylight! Very thoughtful. But it seems like we no longer have any expectations as a society for people to simply mind their manners and be polite. That sucks.

@Dutchess_III Yah, it really sucks. Especially if you’re a sensitive person, like I am. I have been known to get really depressed for days, just thinking about what so many people are like in this world. I don’t even watch the news anymore. I get into moods where I don’t even want to go out of the house, just stay in with my pets and husband, where its peaceful and loving.

But then, I’ll see something online or the television, or read something describing someone or some group performing acts of selfless, loving behavior. I’ll see someone at the grocery store being kind to another person in line, or helping a person in a wheelchair reach something on a high shelf. I’ll hear the delightful conversation of children or see someone being kind to an animal. I’ll hear about all of the support that floods people who need an operation and can’t afford it.

Quite frankly, I HAVE to focus on the beauty in this world. There are two kinds of people living here, those who are moving forwards and expressing truly positive qualities, trying to make this world a better place, and then there are the abundance of mean spirited slugs.

While we try to figure out why and what we, as a society can do about it, it is helpful to spend as much time focusing on that in life which is beautiful, nurturing, and brings hope.

Just my opinion.

It is a culture of “might makes right”.
Aggressive behaviour is regarded as a sign of strenght.
Calm, diplomatic behaviour is seen as weakness.
I have no doubt, that this is connected to the past decade of the war of terror.
“You do not negotiate with “terrorists”.”
“You do not negotiate with Iran.”
“You do not negotiate with Syria.”
It seems apparent that this has bled into the general culture.

Of course, that is assuming that american culture was different before 2001.

Hmmmmm…..that’s a thought @ragingloli.

yeah, and the german culture is one best known for it’s ‘tolerance’

Right now, it certainly is vastly more tolerant than colonial “culture”. unlike the yanks, germans learned their lesson 68 years ago

you of course being a sterling example of that

I know that I try not to judge situations by people’s descriptions, as there are always two sides to every story. Maybe the driver was speeding. I know often I find people drive too fast in parking lots and both people and cars need to look out for each other. I think, if I were your pedestrian friend, I would not apologize like you suggested, but neither would I kick the mirror off or kick the door in. I also think that when people write stuff like that on FB, they’re just being overly enthusiastic, because in reality, they would most likely not be kicking doors in or mirrors off. Just my opinion.

The thing is, that kind of posting, which is so common and getting worse, could have the effect of egging people on. In fact, the last post said something like, “I’d of drug her ass out of the car and punched her face in!” Each post got successively more violent. The next time some minor, everyday occurrence like that happens she may feel like she has all this backing to “to something,” and who knows. Maybe she will kick the car.

In response to that last post about dragging her out of the car I posted, “Why?”
The OP responded with “Because.” Then, of course, she’s one of those who will post heartwarming things like, “Be kind to strangers who seem to have a bad attitude. You don’t know what they’re going through.

As far as “apologizing,” I see it as a mutual acknowledgement that there was a glitch, not so much an admission of wrong doing.

@Dutchess_III You and I were raised the same way!

I made the mistake of apologizing to my SIL once when I wanted to clear the air and make the tension go away after a bad interaction, and for her it was me admitting I was a bitch and horrible and all wrong. I will NEVER apologize to her again ever. She had started a really bad confrontation with me. I wish I had responded more calmly and more with more understanding she was going through an emotional time, but instead I became a little defensive. No way I hold all the responsibility for that interaction.

As far as the posting, how do people evn come up with that stuff? I never think about punching, dragging someone on the ground, why does that violence jump into their heads so fast? That isn’t like a little joke to give someone a smack with no seriousness behind it. These people sound really worked up with anger.

It’s SO common, though @JLeslie. I went to HS with the OP in question. She’s just jumping on the band wagon. It’s become SO common and it is so disgusting. In another, private conversation she keeps saying “I hope you don’t think I’m a bad person, I’m not really that way.” etc. I just said, “Well, it just sounds like everyone was having a bad day.”

This is why I want to move to an island or create a bubble community where I only let the nice people in. I’m the dictator of course.

OK, but I get to be the boss, @JLeslie, :)