Have you experienced this southern "culture of honor"?

Well, I’ma thinking that much of the Southern “politeness” was more of a passive aggressive way of making sure every one kept to their “place” in society.

If it’s not too late, can you un-small the body of your text? My eyes hurt by the time I finished reading that!

@Dutchess_III I disagree, but I’ll try to restrain myself.

This is interesting….does the study suggest that the reaction goes back to the results of the Civil War, maybe the fact that they lost?

You are not allowed to disagree with me @KNOWITALL!

I’m joking @KNOWITALL. I’m interested in hearing your opinions. I’m not from the South. I’ve read “Gone With The Wind” twice, though.

When I first worked in the South (in North Carolina, to be exact), the local Boilermaker steward on the job told me one day, all serious-like and in a sort of angry tone, “A Yankee shot my great-grand-pappy in the back.” It was said in a challenging way, like, “I know you’re one of them, and I have my eye on you.”

I didn’t quite know how to take him at first, so I laughed as if he’d just told me a joke, but that only made him appear more stern and even angry – at me! So I changed my tack. I thought about it a minute and asked him, in a sort of incredulous tone, “What the hell was your great-grand-pappy doing running from a Yankee!?”

He laughed at that and we got along fine for the rest of the job. To this day I don’t know how much of what he said was joke / bluster and how much of it might have been resentment at this northern “kid” coming down to the South to “take away work” that might have been performed by a local.

^^^ Wow.

My grandfather was shot in the back as he was riding his horse along a rural Arkansas road. The shooter believed that my grandfather had made advances (or worse) to his wife. The killing was never prosecuted as it was considered to be a normal response to such a situation.

I remember listening to this on a free lecture from iTunes. I went from Washington/Oregon to living is FL and MS and I think defending your woman’s honor by violence is more acceptable in the southern states in my opinion.

I was always under the impression that if you had to fight for a woman she’s not worth it.

I always thought men fighting over a woman was stupid. I mean, do they think she has the brain of a mountain goat, and is going to automatically run off and mate with the “winner” of the fight?

@Dutchess_III Haha, exactly. “Worth fighting for”? Twits.

That’s an interesting report and thesis. But I would posit that it’s not the only one, and I would like to suggest another reason for southern politeness. It revolves around climate.

The South was (and is) hot and muggy during the summer. Especially so in the days before air conditioning and the like. Anywhere you went, you were going to be uncomfortable and sweaty. And the faster you moved (and the more angry you got) the more uncomfortable you would get. Think of the phrases “hot under the collar” and “heated argument”.

It was uncomfortable enough living here, even without disagreements and arguments. So Southerners, being practical people, developed a culture of politeness and respect, in order to keep argumentation and quibbling and such down to a minimum. If you’re nice to people, you can “keep your cool” longer.

Now, of course, we have fans and air conditioners, but the southern way of politeness has lived on for 200 additional years; likely ingrained in us based on living in the south during the summer.

@elbanditoroso – The extreme heat has been used in the past as a possible explanation for increased violence in the south, but I’ve never heard it used as a way to explain politeness.

Anyway, does this climate explanation tie into the southern “culture of honor” in some way?

@elbanditoroso Also… one can be polite and hostile at the same time.

^^^^ Yes.

I’ve heard from Southern friends that the expression “Bless her heart” is actually meant as an insult.

Yes, @janbb, I had a careful explanation from a Southern woman to the same effect. It’s like a shorthand for “Well, bless your heart [you silly, ignorant, benighted, moronic, brain-damaged, cretinous, perverse, foolish person, you – pick whichever apply] ...” But because it contains a “bless you”, it can even be said to someone’s face without fear of reprisal, except for what might follow next.

In other words, it’s a real-world way of saying, “I don’t mean any offense, but…” without using those words. They’ll get what you mean, and be just as offended as the recipient of “I don’t mean any offense, but…” (they probably won’t show it, though).

It sort of combines the best of the South:skewering with politesse.

I didn’t read the link, too long. So, if I write anything already mentioned in the article I apologize ahead of time for my laziness, i am a slow reader. Although, I would be interested to know if anything I write below was mentioned in the article.

I don’t know if I would say southerners are more physically aggressive, but I absolutely agree they are more easily offended, both men and women, less able to laugh at themselves if a sarcastic remark or joke comes from a northerner or anyone perceived as an outsider. I think it comes partly from insecurity and partly from feeling like they need to defend themselves against wrong assumptions by others.

In addition to all that I believe Christianity plays a small part. I was shocked how sensitive Southerners are to swearing. Sure some of my friends cursed, but many didn’t. A curse word at work was really horrible. I am not in favor of swearing at work, but as long as no customers are around, a slip of a word not offend me, I just think it is bad etiquette for the workplace. In TN many people really saw you in a very bad light if you used swear words. Where I am going with this is there are all sorts of good and bad rules, black and white no grey, etiquette expected in the south and if you don’t follow it you are rude, and obviously not a good person. More than one southerner told me boys who don’t tuck their shirts in and answer yes ma’am or sir obviously have no respect for adults and are bad kids. They thought this about northern kids who are not taught to answer with sir or ma’am, so the northern kids really are not being rude, but some southerners just cannot understand it. Their thought would be then obviously their parents also have no respect and all those damn Yankees I guess.

Northerners seem less easily offended in general, and take themselves less seriously also. But, there are plenty of exceptions.

I too didn’t read the link but I was interested in the Op’s last question and am actually of the opposite opinion. A culture of politeness doesn’t imply a culture of enlightened gentilism or niceness. The insults and offenses happen.

In a culture where people’s ability to express themselves and then move on fosters a callousness that doesn’t make them primal and threatened at the slightest indication of an open insult. They are by this means more volatile and unstable.

I did spend a year in the deep south when I was younger and found myself distrusting everyone. I dislike and disdain the backstabbiness and never knew what any one was really thinking. I don’t think that that is a level of civilised I would strive for.

However I do like the emphasis on manners. Sir, ma’am though I almost always use this term teasingly now. Holding doors, giving up a coat to a colder individual. I would call these courtesies and they aren’t exclusive to the south.

I think it goes back to aristocratic landowners bringing manners/ gentility from England along with the old-fashioned code of honor.

Basically, every southerner I know tries very hard to be polite——until you piss them off, then it’s on. ;) And don’t ever ever ever mess with or come between family.

@CWOTUS “What the hell was your great-grand-pappy doing running from a Yankee!?”

Epic save!

Mm! Good thought @KNOWITALL. Come to think of it, those Southern manners DO resemble the aristocratic society in England. We could bring some of them back to infuse into the rest of our country today.

@KNOWITALL That makes sense. Maybe since the aristocrats in the motherland had financial and political power it was a different dynamic.

My family’s culture honor is people are fallible and mistakes can be admitted.

@JLeslie Old England influenced America a lot more than most people realize, at least in my area. It interests me very much.

Duels, the honor of soldiering and the social status that came with that, gentility, lack of high emotion, cotillion’s, all kinds of things. I have two hope chests, and a lot of girls/ women do here, like the old days getting your wedding trousseau in your trunk ready for marriage.