My ex boyfriend is completely ignoring me.

What about those incompatible issues that caused you to break up? You’re all over the place aren’t you? Feeling so destroyed over the actions of an EX, doesn’t sound too emotionally healthy, sorry to say.

Since you’re broken up, he has zero obligation to answer to you or to keep your feelings from getting hurt. If you were so dependent upon him for your happiness, why break up with him?

You need to get your head together here. You are being unreasonable, clingy and possessive. It doesn’t even make sense to have the feelings you are having.

Maybe see a therapist. This is on you, not him. Let him go. You broke up. Its over. He has every right to avoid communication with you. What do you expect him to do?

You need to learn some self confidence and self respect. I would advise you to take a hard look at yourself before getting involved with anyone else. You are way too needy. Get help.

You broke up with him. You can’t try to get back in contact with him two weeks later and expect him to validate anything. It doesn’t work that way.

You need to stop what you’re doing. Right now! The only thing you’re going to get out of this behavior is a restraining order against you.

Hang out with your family, friends, whoever. Get yourself together. I get that break ups hurt, but you’re only prolonging the pain at this point.

I hope you feel better soon!

Do you think it could possibly hurt him to be in contact with you?

Get a hold of yourself.

Busy yourself with other stuff, exercise, hobbies, visiting friends and family, doing something you enjoy.

You dumped him. He has absolutely no reason to provide you with this reassurance you so desperately need. That need is called being clingy and you’re probably driving him nuts. You break up with him and are now constantly trying to get in touch with him – why? You’re 25, not 15. You decided you didn’t want to be with him, so move on and leave him alone.

He is demonstrating a healthy reaction to your treatment of him. It is called setting boundaries, he is protecting his emotional health.

You stomped all over his feelings, he is leaving you alone like you wanted.

Time to face the truth and think about others, not about yourself.

I thi…you shou…why don…ahh, forget it.

It has nothing to do with what you deserve or don’t deserve. That’s a very self-centered way of thinking about this. He was in the relationship, too, and he has his own feelings to deal with. You broke up with him, he owes you no contact, no validation. You cited his “avoidant” ways as a reason that you broke it off. If he didn’t constantly reassure you while you were in the relationship, why would you expect him to now? Your need for validation is a problem with you. Take this as an opportunity for self-improvement. Start a good book, take up a new hobby, go out with your friends- do whatever works for you to get your mind off of this and to move on.

You and he were a bad match in the first place. You are very needy and need a lot of reassurance, he is avoidant and an non romantic. Why would you expect that he would suddenly change now? The fact that you broke up, makes him even less interested to talk to you or reassure you. He’s done. He’s probably relieved that he’s no longer in a relationship that wasn’t working.

Please stop trying to contact him. If he was interested in talking to you, he would. But since he often didn’t want to talk to you during the relationship, he’s even less interested in talking to you now that he’s not obligated to you. It’ s not his responsibility to let you know whether or not he ever cared that much for you. Sounds like he didn’t, or else he would have tried to fix the problem, instead of easily breaking up. He probably understood, before you did, that you were not a good match.

Leave the guy alone. The more you try to contact him, the more he is likely to have very negative feelings toward you and to even think that you are stalking him, which will make him avoid you even more.

Right now you are feeling very desperate and hopeless. You need to be proactive and decide that even though you “feel” that way, you are not going to “act” that way. You need to create a plan of action on what you are going to do instead of pining away for this guy.

Even if you have to write down a list that you refer to, you need to have a list of activities that you are going to do instead of worrying about him, trying to contact him, or dwelling on your past relationship.

First thing, every morning, get up at your usual time, do your regular grooming activities, don’t let yourself go.

Have a healthy breakfast.

Then, call a friend, but don’t get very deep into any conversations about the guy or the breakup, just say, “Yeah, it didn’t work out and now I’m trying to move on.” Then make a plan to do something fun and casual with you friend. Go to lunch, go to the movies, go rollerblading, or whatever it is you like to do. Do not sit and sulk in your house.

Talk to your family and let them know that you’ve broken up and you’re feeling sad about that, but you realize that it was for the best and you don’t want to talk about it any more and then get busy around the house. Don’t neglect your chores, do some laundry, vacuum the rugs, clean the windows, organize your closet, clean the bathroom.

Get some exercise every day. Walk around the block, preferably with someone else, so that you can also enjoy the good conversation.

What kinds of activities do you like? Get involved with some of those, whether it’s hiking or photography or art or cooking. Just don’t sit around moping and wondering what if.

If you happen to bump into this guy, just smile cordially, say hello and be polite. If he tries to engage you in conversation just say, “Sorry Al, I was a little bit emotional, but I’m fine now, how are you?” And just be very very superficial and light. Do not try to force him into a confrontation, because you will not like the end result.

If you can’t get it together (by yourself) after 3 or 4 months, consider going into some short term therapy.

Once you are feeling better and more confident (please don’t try to hook up with somebody else right away) then you need to pay more attention to the personality type of the person you want to be with, don’t pick someone just like this last guy. Pick someone who has a personality that compliments yours. You need someone who is fun and communicative, someone who can verbalize his delight for you. Now take a deep breath and let the healing begin.

Thanks for the advice guys… Some of it is a bit harsh. Tough love I guess!

I was upset when I posted this and looking back on it now I do look a bit pathetic. But I’m just grieving over someone I deeply loved, that’s all. It’s only been a few weeks. I’m sure the feeling will pass in time…

Thanks @Kardamom. Your advice was the most helpful.

I won’t be hooking up with anybody. I don’t do one night stands. It takes me a very long time to get attached to a person, but when I do I just find it hard to let go.

@Styx I can completely relate. That’s why I told you what to do and what not to do. I wish I could have followed my “adult” advice, when I was your age. I didn’t and it left me feeling broken and ashamed. I’d like to spare you some of that agony.

Pamper yourself a little bit, now. : )

It hurts. I appreciate that.

\But he is your EX, not your current. What obligation does he have to you to respond? I would say ZERO.

You dumped him – you admitted it. So he’s hurting, presumably, and again where is his incentive to contact you? Doesn’t exist.

What you’re doing is floating very close to stalking. Get a grip.

Why does he have some obligation to respond to you? You’ve broken up, he’s not responding, so leave him alone and move on.

Damn, some of the advice in this thread is a bit harsh.

Having been in a similar situation very recently, let me try to offer you some insight:

-When you broke up with him, you felt strongly about all the ways in which he didn’t make you feel good. Now that you’re apart from him, you’re conveniently ignoring those bad feelings and remembering the good times. This is normal. As hard as it is, you have to try to be rational about this. Imagine that you were giving advice to a friend; you would remind her of all the ways her guy made her unhappy. Your guy made you unhappy, to the point where you broke it off. You must have had good reason to do so. Try to remember those reasons.

-On Lifehacker, they mentioned a study done by Stony Brook University that found similar brain function between recently broken up people and cocaine addicts. You are, in a way, addicted to thinking about him. There’s nothing you can do but wait it out. Luckily, studies have shown that surrounding yourself with support (friends, family, etc.) helps make breakups easier. Strangely enough, one study found that taking a painkiller like Tylenol seemed to be effective in treating heartbreak!

-Going against what everyone else is saying, I think it is rude, callous and mean of him not to respond to you. You have a history with him and you shared a portion of your life with him. He could at least tell you to leave him alone. It may not be what you want to hear, but it would be the courteous thing to do. With that said, he must be hurting too. Despite what you might feel about him being “non-romantic,” he still has feelings and they were hurt. He might need some time to be able to respond to you, or he may never come around. You should be prepared for both possibilities.

-Finally, you don’t deserve to be ignored. Nobody does. His actions are not a reflection on the type of person you are; they only reveal the kind of person he is. Think carefully if this is the type of person you want in your life. You deserve someone who treats you well and appreciates you.

It almost sounds like you had to break up with him, because you hadn’t been getting what you wanted out of the relationship for a while.

Sometimes, when something is scarce, it seems better than it really is. If something is almost in your reach but not quite, you’re reminded of it constantly and you keep thinking about what it would be like to have as much as you want.

For instance- say you’re a big fan of the Sensitive Trendy Indie Band of the minute. The local radio station plays Sensitive Trendy Indie Band about ten times an hour, and it’s super catchy. There are billboards and ads all over town for Sensitive Trendy Indie Band. You save up enough money for front-row tickets. Then, suddenly, your dog escapes while you’re walking him and chews up all your neighbors plants and shits all over their yard. Now you have to pay for landscaping and vet bills; no more concert for you. But wait! The local radio station runs a contest where you can call in for sold-out tickets. You were a fan before, but now it’s an obsession. You paper your room in pictures of the band and call the station about a million times an hour until they block your number. Then you call from another phone and talk in a scooby-doo voice, pretending to be your dog. They get a restraining order. You watch the concert from your living room, with your dog contentedly farting by your side.

What I’m saying is, your ex’s cold and unavailable demeanor probably made any affection you got from him seem much more important. (This happens often in relationshipw where one person is always pursuing and one person is always running away.) Eventually, getting little scraps of affection from him probably became one of your favorite things- sort of like an emotional high. Now that you’re broken up, it’s even worse, and you feel like you will never be happy again.

This feeling will pass soon enough. @Kardamom had some stellar advice; you should follow it. Eventually you will realize that lots of other things make you happy, and you don’t miss this guy so much anymore.

Neediness is never a good quality to bring to a relationship. You should use this breakup as an opportunity to get a more solid grounding for yourself. If your life is full of great people and fun, engaging activities, a relationship will feel more like a great bonus than something you need to be complete. Once you reach that stage, you should look for someone who’s warm and generous, so the relationship will have an equal give and take.

And FFS, do whatever it takes to stop calling this guy. Throw your phone in the river if you have to.

He’s an ex, leave him alone.

On again, off again… This obviously isn’t his first time at the rodeo – he’s seen this show before. Perhaps he’s finally done with it all. It may not even be you personally he’s tired of, but instead the dynamic of your “relationship” has ran it’s course with him. It’s time to move on.

I’m curious, 6½ years later, what happened.