How many veiled insults (this is just for fun) can you come up with?

This question was inspired by This Q regarding the term Bless his/her heart when making a disparaging comment about someone, but then trying to soften the blow, as if it wasn’t really their fault that the person was stupid/ignorant/ridiculous/foolish.

This Q is not meant to be mean spirited, just silly and fun. So be gentle, yet funny.

I’ll start off: “That boy Randy couldn’t find the Clyde Street CD Warehouse if somebody hired him a limousine and dropped kicked him off onto the front porch of that fine establishment. Bless his heart.”

Who wants to go first?

I only want nice people to answer.