How upset would you be if an immediate family member got a heart attack (especially at a young age) and the only way you and everyone else in your immediate family found out was because of a third party source?

I would be confused and want to know more information. I would want to know what happened, how it happened, and why I wasn’t notified (if I was next of kin) by someone at the hospital.

Well….sounds like there’s a lot of missing back story.
Who cares HOW you found out, the important part is that you did.
Maybe the 2nd party was too busy being with the sick person so they had the 3rd party make the notifications.

It kind of depends on the situation. Can you fill in more of the details? What actually happened? Who was the immediate relative and who was the 3rd party who told you about it?

All of the answers to these questions make a difference.

I was that guy who did not tell you.

When I was diagnosed with prostate cancer I told my wife and no one else. No one! It was my business, not theirs. When I had my surgery I lied and told people at work I took a 2 week vacation to take care of my step mom in Florida. (She still does not know by the way.) After surgery I did tell my brother so he could get tested, and I told a trustworthy neighbor who took care of my house while I was recovering. People I work with still do not know.
Why did I keep it secret? Lots of reasons.
– Because I wanted to prove to myself I was normal again.
– I did not want to be defined as the guy with prostate cancer.
– I did not want anyone cutting me extra slack because they pitied or felt sorry for me.
– I did not want to waste any more of my life discussing it with anyone else.
– I did not want people praying over me or talking about my business with the members of their congregation.
And most important…
– It was MY business not anyone else’s.

The big take-away message for you is: The 3rd Party person who told you cannot be trusted! NEVER discuss anything with them you want to keep private. They cannot be trusted!

Thanks so much for your responses.

I wasn’t actually upset. I assumed my brother just wanted his privacy. It was my Dad who was angry how we found out, so I was wondering if my reaction was too indifferent. It turns out he did not want our mother to know for some reason. We found out because of my brother’s best friend’s sister who told one of my sisters. Because of the way we found out, I didn’t know if it would be appropriate to visit him in the hospital or not. I decided not to go and that if he wanted me there, he would have asked me to come. I hope I made the right decision.

@LuckyGuy I really appreciate your response. It helped me have a conversation with my Dad. He still seems annoyed when he talks about it, but he at least seems to have let it go now. As for the person who told my sister, I never talk to her anyway. But I do understand your warning and have taken it to heart.

@AnonymousWoman You wrote: “As for the person who told my sister, I never talk to her anyway. But I do understand your warning and have taken it to heart.” Great! If someone asks you to keep something in confidence it means you do not pass it on.

Louis C.K. says that in show business if someone asks you to keep a secret, that secret is a lie. Either way, you should not pass it on.

Sadly your brother now knows that his best friend blabbed.too. Some people cannot be trusted with secrets. Too bad. His friend just lost more than he realizes.