What do you do if someone you aren't close to says "I love you"?

I find it awkward saying “I love you” to anyone other than my husband, mother, and grandmother. This includes people I really do love, like my step-father. It’s even more awkward with other people that say it first, like friends. I usually say it back even if it’s not necessarily true because, as awkward as it feels to say it, not saying it is even more awkward. I’ll do just about anything to avoid awkward silence.

So you recommend just saying “love ya too!”, I would say “ditto” like in the movie “Ghost” but I doubt she’d know what that means! Haha.

I would say something like ‘I love you back” or just “Love ya too.” It’ll please her and make you feel good. And after all, you do love her in a way.

I would say that the language used is important.

In English, I love you, is top shelf language, very hard hitting words. In other languages, there are variations of “i love you” that range from small and cute to big and bold.

For example, the Spanish “Te quiero”, while literally meaning “I want you”, can also mean “I love you” but is much less serious than “Te amo”, also meaning I love you, and some lagnuages, like Tagalog have multiple variations of “I love you”, such as “mahal kita” and “mahal ko”.

Personally, I have only said I love you to two people in my entire life, in English, and am not so hasty to say it. However, in the situation you describe, I would have been okay saying “I love you too”, because, it is probably more of a friendly family kind of “love you”.

Thanks everyone.

I will just do the classic “aawww” that’s so sweet, Thanks and give a hug.

I would suggest that you continually broaden your circle of “who you love” and say it occasionally, and mean it. It doesn’t have to mean “to the ends of the earth” and “til death do us part”, and especially with an aging member of someone else’s family, no one is ever going to mistake it for romantic love – especially the person you say it to.

For example, I have no problem saying, “I love you, @chelle21689,” even though we’ve never met and never will meet, and anyone who knows me understands that it’s an entirely “appropriate” non-romantic and respectful way of wishing you well. (It’s not just you; I love all of the jellies – in the way that’s appropriate to me to feel that for each of them – even though most of them aggravate the piss out of me more often than not.) It won’t bother me in the least that you don’t say it back; I get that we’re not on the same page in this regard, at least not yet, and that’s okay.

Really, if you can love more people more often – appropriately! – you’ll feel better more often and stay young a lot longer, I think. Your mileage may vary.

I also fully understand that this is much more difficult – sometimes dangerous – for women, pretty young women in particular, in many parts of the world. So you may have to vary how you express what you feel, but I still recommend that you try to feel it.

Context is everything.

Saying “I love you” to a grandmother is an endearment, nothing more, and in this context would be a reciprocating and therefore absolutely appropriate response.

Saying “I love you” to her grandson would be a major step towards a committed relationship, something which must be well considered before saying, and in American culture is can be a make or break moment.

This is one area where American culture needs to be able to express nuance.

I’m probably just going to run away.

We humans are funny critters. We can say “I love chocolate cake”, but choke when it comes to verbalizing affection to another human.
I used to choke on those words in various situations. Nowadays, I love anyone I encounter who brings with them no harm, pretty much. One substitute which is endearing but non- commital is, “You honor me, thankyou.”

”Anyways, I’m not that close to her.”

I believe your actions speak otherwise.

That being said, if you’re really not comfortable saying it, “That’s sweet. Thank you.” would work well.

“Thanks sweetie”

I love all of you. I love @cookieman and @CWOTUS and @KNOWITALL and @ucme and everyone. They’ve all showed me kindness when they didn’t have to. That’s enough for love, in my opinion.

We’re all so quick to say what we dislike, can’t stand, or hate. Why not be just as quick to profess love? It’s not like you’re going to run out.

I would say “love ya too!” I would get over my discomfort because I wouldn’t want to offend her by not saying it back.

I’m not running away anymore coz @Seek_Kolinahr loves me, unless we play kissy catchy ;-}

@Valerie111 yeah I’ll try to say “love ya too” really quick lol. I can think of it in a way as having some love for her like I do for those adorable puppies of wanting them to be safe and adoring them =P

What @CWOTUS said!

My wife’s grandmother grabbed me one time, hugged me, and said that she loved me. I was caught off guard, and I mumbled an awkward, “hmm…I love you too” or something. She died a few months later, and when I look back on that exchange, I’m confused. Why was I so caught off guard, and why did I feel insincere in responding with reciprocity? I did love that woman. And despite all of her human faults, she helped raise the most my wife.

I dunno, personally I feel that people throw around a lot of shallow ” love ya’s” and in some ways a situation like this can feel manipulative. I’d just smile and give her a hug but I wouldn’t allow myself to be coerced to say those words if I didn’t really feel them.
I have an ex friend that drove me nuts with her shallow ” love ya” regurgitations.
It was phoney and contrived and offputting IMO.

A lot of good thoughts here. I agree with @Coloma, too. I certainly don’t recommend being manipulated into saying something that you don’t feel. You’ll feel awful about yourself, first, and the other person afterward if you succumb to that coercion. That’s why I recommend “feeling the love” as much as you can. Whether you verbalize it to anyone – or even to yourself in a private moment – is up to you (it’s always up to you; that’s the point), but to the degree that you can feel it and then say it is a measure of your freedom. You’re also free to not feel it and not say it, obviously; it’s just an easier and more joyous life if you can.

I hardly ever say the words, but I’m usually feeling it.

I would just tell her ‘I love you’ even though you didn’t mean it. You obviously care about her health so at least that’s something, plus it’s nice. It’s kind of like lying to make people feel better even when you know better. That’s what I do all the time and people have no clue. But that’s just me!

You could simply hug her, it’s a warm response without the need of any added verbalisation.

@Adagio Yes, copy that.

It’s easy to say “I love you.” It’s hard to really mean it. View the speaker with great caution.

I must say I find it interesting that so many promote falsifying a word that should carry some depth and meaning. ” I love you” is not on the same continuum as ” Nice seeing you again.”

I wouldn’t say it back, if I didn’t feel it but I would say ‘thank you, that’s very sweet.’

She’s sweet to you, treats you as if you were her own grandchild, and misses you when she doesn’t see you for a while. It’s possible that she truly does love you (or at least has loving feelings for you).

Because you don’t love her in return, maybe you could say, “Thank you. You’re very dear to me,” or something else that’s sincere and accurately describes your attachment to her.

I say thank you.

@tom_g nice way to put it…lol I see you understand. His grandma did play a part in raising him too.