Urinal etiquette and other horror stories?

I dislike attending a concert and during intermission everyone beats me to the ladies room so I’m one of the last of what seems like hundreds to walk into an overused stall. Inevitably some fastidious woman, thinking to protect herself, has hovered a couple of feet over the seat and peed all over it.

Golden showers on toilet seat ugh. Are we supposed to sit on it or take our chances of getting our undies wet as we hover as well?

I bring a small bottle of alcohol and spray it on the seat, wad up a lot of toilet paper and wash it and then dry it. Finally I can sit like a normal person and try to pee.

Then of course there’s a long line to the sinks, but you see a few slip out without washing up and they think nobody notices.

So you wash your hands, and hope they don’t have those dryers – you take an extra paper towel to open the door because god knows how much e-coli is collecting on the handle from all those who thought they snuck through unnoticed. But where to put it. Some places are starting to get the message and they leave a waste basket outside the door. Other leave you holding the bag.

I hate public restrooms. The best of the best are disgusting during an intermission. It’s like having to take a whiz in a subway terminal bathroom. Yikes.

Okay, here is the urinal story:

My buddy Karl is out skiing with his friend Carole (who is a guy).
They go into the lodge, or whatever the meeting area is called, and Karl heads to the men’s room. 3 urinals are there; A B and C. B is vacant, so Karl fills it. The man at A then leaves. Carole walks in, and occupies A.
So, they walked in separately
Karl, in the middle of relieving himself, hears Carole say “Excuse me sir, are your hands warm?”
Karl ignores him, knowing this cannot be good.
Carole then says to Karl: “Sir, can you ask the man next to you if his hands are warm?”
The man at urinal 3 abruptly leaves, leaving a small urine trail as he walks to the door.

Mine is having fear of spiders in a out door wooden outhouse shed… with me parriedogging and a spider coming down to greet me. I grabbed what I could with toilet paper and ran out of the outhouse.

@MadMadMax Just thinking that anti-bacterial wipes might work?

There is no reason in the world why guys have to stand up to pee. Public toilets have split seats. They can aim down, take clean normal whiz and the place doesn’t end up smelling like te monkey house at the zoo.

I have really lousy eyesight. I have walked into mens rooms more times than i can count, but I never make in too far – the smell tells me I’m in the wrong place.

@LornaLove My husbands first degree was in chemistry. He explained that antibacterial wipes are not good enough. First of all, even alcohol has to be left in place for a time to work – it’s not an immediate solution. That’s why it’s always better to wash your hands than use purell or something.. Lathering up under running water does a much better job.

I too hate the public restrooms. I really try not to go, and I use it only if I’m about to explode or something. I always carry a bottle of hand sanitizer and wet tissues with me.

Hi Smitha: I used to hold it even if it hurt – if I was in reasonable distance from home, I sat on it.

I can’t do that anymore. Getting old sucks.

The worst is having to use a gas station bathroom. Too nasty. No place to hang your bag so it sits in the questionable sink. You certainly aren’t going to put on the floor. Yeesh

My pet peeve is the perfume crap women think they have to spray all over themselves and the bathroom. Between that, the nasty scented soap, the perfumed cleaners, and the “air fresheners” (I call them stinkers), I have declared that “I can’t stand the smell in here due to all the perfume, so I am leaving without washing my hands.”

I ran a cleaning business for 30 years. I have NO problem with cleaning up a toilet seat (I use hand soap from the sink), but the over-the-top perfume obsession makes me ill. If I’m going to sit, I lay toilet paper over the seat.

Heh…after traveling in asia and peeing on trains squatting into chinese basins in the floor, well..I tossed a $150 pair of boots. Too tainted to ever be kept in a closet again let alone worn. lol
Man did I get good at squating and peeing on moving trains, isometrics baby! aha

@Coloma For me it was getting used to the fact that in Italy no public toilet has a toilet seat. They apparently all came with toilet seats but they are removed and nobody replaces them. What is that all about?

Some friends back in college ended up building a log home from the logs on their acreage. They started out with an outhouse and it wasn’t too bad in a Vermont winter. Too cold for anything to smell but a hot summer day – oh lordie. They kept it as clean as possible and used a real toilet seat so no splinters but the smell was hard to take. It reeked. I was so happy when the plumbing went in a couple years later.

I guess it would be a great idea to practice hover method for such nasty toilets. The one’s in gas stations are just awful!! You really wish there wasn’t a toilet. At times I have seen even blood on the toilet seat!

There is a whole etiquette for using urinals. Basic rule: don’t use one in between two other people. There is even a training quiz

The only time it doesn’t apply is at sports stadiums, where men often pee into troughs. There it is shoulder to shoulder, pee as long as you have to, just look straight ahead or down to where you are aiming.

@MadMadMax Most men don’t aim that well, especially if they are out in public and had a few beers. Be bald they use urinals.

@MadMadMax I’ve worked as a janitor a few times and I must say, more often than not, the women’s room is far dirtier and smellier than the Men’s room.

All of the above, plus when I went to Saints games as a kid, I remember a lot of guys peed in the circular “trough” that was used for hand washing because they didn’t want to wait for the urinal/trough.

Also, it’s not uncommon for guys who I would roughly characterize as sports/business guys to have casual conversations while each take a leak.

@snowberry I agree, scented air “fresheners” are the worst. Of all the things that might be considered gross in a bathroom stall, the only thing that leaves me gagging is an air freshener.

And to combat the messy urinals, consider one Amsterdam airport’s brilliant strategy for improving aim.

I have noticed that all the “rules” are void when in a gay bar. Guys stand next to the one they fancy the most and they do look. Me, I use a stall and shut the door, but then, I’m anatomically-challenged, and for medical reasons I have to use an intermittent catheter to pee. In theory I could use a urinal but in practise, I don’t want to answer awkward questions about what that plastic thing is and where I’m putting it.

I find it hilarious that the question was about urinal etiquette and 12 of the first 15 answers were from women. Last I heard, women didn’t frequent mens’ restrooms and even if they did, they’re unlikely to use urinals.

That said, the answer to the direct question is dependent on the location. Take for example a restroom on the concourse of a large airport. Hundreds of people are getting off planes with full bladders. You go to the first open urinal, regardless of etiquette. When you gotta go, you gotta go.

That’s 100% different from a set of urinals at a bar or a club, or even an office building, where there is less of a crowd and human interaction is at a different (and already social) level. That;‘s where etiquette and the entire penile pirouette takes place.

I dislike walking into a stall after another person and being greeted with the stench of their dirty crotches. It happens way more often than it should. Soap and water ladies, soap and water.

The golden shower rule when pissing where other blokes are present is to never, under any circumcision circumstances look any where near a dick, other than your own.
That is the way of things & so it is written…just because.

I’ve never understood this… if the number one rule about urinals is not to look at another man’s member, then why aren’t men’s rooms designed such that the urinals are in stalls with doors? Plainly, men all want privacy. Perhaps it’s time for a urinal revolt, so that you can all get the men’s rooms you desire!

@glacial I ran a janitorial business for 30 years. The problem with stalls and men is that they stand up to pee. Even if a man pays attention to where he’s aiming, the pee doesn’t just go in the toilet, it sends tiny little splashes to hit the toilet and everything around it too- the outside of the toilet, the floor, and the walls. As it builds up, it starts to corrode the stall, whether it’s painted or metal. It’s disgusting, and janitorial people normally don’t have time to deep clean stall walls like that. Stalls in a men’s room is a maintenance nightmare.

@snowberry Agreed – I’m not saying they must have toilets, I’m saying put walls and a door around the urinal.

@glacial That’s why a lot of men’s rooms have partitions between the urinals. But they they do require regular cleaning.

@zenvelo Because they pee on the walls? Jebus.

I guess it’s a case of “Now no one can have what they want because these guys have ruined it for everyone.”

Hmm. Maybe it’s intentional – the guys who refuse to aim properly just want to get a good look at other guys’ members.

All the fuss. I just pee!

I have often wondered if there was some sort of unwritten social law that says men have to pee out in the open for other men to see but women don’t….and it’s a lot easier for a woman to “hide” herself than it is for a man. I wonder where on earth that comes from? Some macho, literal pissin’ contest or something?

No, they don’t “pee on the walls”, a certain amount of it is just atomized (as in a mist) as it comes out, and naturally adheres to adjacent objects. Over time, the corrosive residue builds up. That’s one reason men’s rooms often smell strongly of urine. I should know…I’ve cleaned enough of ‘em.

I don’t have an qualm about peeing in a water closet that’s designated the “Men’s” room, if I need to. But it’s not just the smell. Often there is toilet paper thrown about on the floor and it’s just unkempt and dirty overall, from the mirrors to the sinks to the toilet. I wonder if they just don’t clean the men’s room as often as the women’s? Maybe the men don’t complain the way a women would?

Here’s my issue with stand alone urinals, I like to unsheathe the whole beast, waggle & dab with a bit of tissue. Can’t really get away with such shenanigans when fellow pissers are stood either side of me, prefer to use a cubicle.

@ucme Exactly. That makes a lot of sense.

Right. Real men don’t wipe.
It has to be some sort of base gorilla thing.

@Dutchess_III Real men don’t care who sees them wiping.

I know that. But WHY are they almost forced to urinate in front of other men? Why aren’t women? Why do women have stalls, and men don’t?

Ha, a row of women squatting in unison, be like a mass curtsey in front of the Queen.

@Dutchess_III That’s what I’m saying. ;)

See @snowberry‘s response to my question, above.

Here. Now women can use the urinal too.

I’ve told the story on here before so forgive me if you’ve read it in the past.

When I was studying on campus, I used the disabled toilet. One day I desperately needed to use it and discovered to my absolute disgust that someone had been in there before me and decided to plaster their faeces all over the wall and toilet seat. Suffice to say I used another toilet, unfortunately located on the next floor down, reported the incident and continued my day, one I could have done without. I always slid the door open tentatively after that.

This confirms it. People are pigs! I hate public restrooms and only use them when absolutely necessary.

@livelaughlove21 reminded me of one time when my niece and I were at some store and she had to use the bathroom, we walked in and she gagged and said “auntie, why does this bathroom smell like fish?” Needless to say, she held it for a while longer. So foul!

@MadMadMax I also open the doors with paper towels if there aren’t any, I use my shirt if there isn’t a trash can available, I just throw the paper towel on the floor after I’ve opened the door. I feel bad doing it, but I don’t want to carry it with me.

Maybe it’s the size of my bladder, or perhaps the fact that I’m a pointer, not a setter. But when you have to go, you have to go, and there isn’t much that you can do. So I hold my noise and shut my eyes and let loose.

I have a difficult time believing that these women (see @Katniss comment above) have such bladder control that they can go dozens more minutes without relief.

@elbanditoroso Some women are masters of bladder control! lol
However, I’ve found the older I get, the harder it is to do.

This is funny…comparing this to my question about nudity and men in the movies!