Thoughts/Ideas on 'rebounds.'?

The easiest way to get over the old one is with a new one. ;)

If you can’t be together, just wish him well and suck it up. Time to mix, mingle and meet someone new, and everytime you feel sad, remind yourself YOU broke up with HIM, it’ll help the jealousy and regret.

There’s that old saying about “if you love something let it go….” etc. In this case, don’t expect him back.

Rebounds are easy ways to rebuild self esteem without doing any real work on oneself.

He will take himself into any relationship he gets into. All you are doing is projecting your own loss on what you imagine is happening, but only he and she really know what is going on, and if he is out of touch as you say, he probably doesn’t fully grasp it either.

So be easy on yourself but let him go, cut him off for at least a year, de-friend him, stop following him on twitter and instagram. You two are no longer an item, so cut the strings that bind you.

The only interactions you might consider are an email or a snail mail, either of which go into details about what he has learned. But if they don’t, if all they say is “let’s get back together”, don’t respond.

I will tell you something about yourself I don’t believe you know, and probably don’t want to hear. You are at least mildly controlling. This is not an accusation, it’s an observation. I’m telling you this to be helpful.
You actually left him hoping he would miss you so much, he would change to suit your desires. What you are looking for though, is not a change of habit, like leaving dirty shorts on the floor. This is an aspect of his personality. What you REALLY hoped for way down deep, is not going to happen. Let him be with someone who better suits his personality type. It may be this girl in the picture, it may be someone else, but it’s not you.
Being a controlling personality type is not criminal, nor bad, if you realize it, and resist pushing all loved ones away.Look at yourself and say, “I’m someone who has to have things a certain way. I won’t allow that to ruin my life, or anyone else’s.”
You most likely had a relationship for so long, because his “Mild” temperment caused you to feel you had things well in hand, and for him, a partner who seemed strong and solid.
Understand yourself better, then you can approach future relationships with a healthier outlook. When you work this out for yourself, another relationship will no longer seem impossible.

@Jonesn4burgers As another controlling person, I have to agree based on this post. Again, not a bad thing, but something to give her a little insight into her motivations for the future.

Rebounds are almost always a bad idea. You end up using someone else as a band aid for the emotions that only time can heal. Most of the time the party being used ends up wanting “more” and then you are responsible for hurting someone else. I am a firm believer in taking space between relationships and not jumping from the frying pan into another fire.

My daughter just had her first rebound experience, she initiated a break up with her boyfriend and live in of 4 years and while she was very clear with the new guy who had already had an obvious crush on her, about it only being a FWB thing, he ended up getting very possessive and not respecting her feelings. It was a fiasco and she cut him off.
He was very upset and also just randomly showed up at her work not long ago.
While she is not really concerned about him becoming a full blown stalker still….rebound at your own risk as well as that of another.

People move on at different speeds.Your ex may be getting over it faster than you.

The real question is: Was your breakup a real breakup? Meaning, did you cut him off with the hope that he would stay alone, fix himself and come running back to you? If so, it wasn’t a breakup you wanted, just a short break from him; a break where you would both get some time away from each other but not with other people.

If your intention was an actual breakup, than you have to understand that you cut him loose and he has control over what he does with his life without having to consult with you anymore. That’s what you gave up when your ended it with him.

With all that said, I know it’s very hard when someone you love moves on, especially if they move on faster than you. But you had to expect that this might happen, right? It doesn’t mean he loved you any less than before or that your love for him wasn’t real. Everyone processes their emotions in their own time, but it doesn’t speak to the quality of the emotion.

It’s very common to feel awful when an ex starts up with someone new, even if the break up was a good idea. Since you were the breaker upper it is also not uncommon for in the end for you to go through a more difficult time getting over it. You took the responsibility to filing end it, he just has to accept it.

But, honestly, in my opinion you did the exact right thing breaking up. I think part of the strife in your reationship towards the end was probably because at minimum his own mind was out of the relationship. Starting up with this other girl so fast kind of reinforces it. I am not saying he was cheating, but the symptoms an SO is cheating are the exact same as an SO who has emotionally withdrawn from a relationship.

Whether it is a rebound or not it is him moving on.

Take care of yourself. Stop talking to him. Let yourself get over it.

Awwww I’m sorry.
I would suggest staying away from Facebook or whatever social media you saw him tagged on. You don’t want to become the stalker ex.
Break ups are a bitch. It doesn’t matter who did the dumping.
You stated that he was needy and insecure. My guess is that he’s just doing what he needs to do to muddle through the day. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t still love you and it doesn’t really mean he’s already moved on either. Everybody deals with break ups differently. He’s probably just one of those people that needs to be with somebody.
You have to remember that you broke up with him which means that you no longer have any say in what he does.
Try to keep yourself busy. Don’t dwell on him. If the two of you are meant to be together, you will be. If not, then somebody better will come along and you’ll forget all about him. Ok…. Maybe you won’t forget him, but when you think about him you won’t feel any pain.

((Hugs))

I am still in the process of reading these comments. But just to reply to @Jonesn4burgers – Your comment was very insightful, and I appreciate it. It definitely made me think. I think you are right to an extent. Over the last year, I’ve definitely felt like I had power in the relationship; however, I wouldn’t consider myself controlling, simply because I hated feeling like the one in control. Absolutely hated it. It’s why I wanted him so badly to find confidence in himself. I felt very alone with him after a while – like I had to take care of myself. I had to be independent because he wasn’t. I wanted him to be someone that I could lean on..(like he use to be) I’ve seen him be confident in the past, so I know he is capable of finding that sense of self worth again, which is the reason I was hoping he could find it.. and that it could work someday. It’s more realistic for me to just move on.. but I guess it’s just difficult to let someone go who has been in your life for so long – especially when he is such a great person. It just helps to talk it out though. So, thank you for your comment!

I know it will seem a bit hard, but you have to let go and not focus on what his relationship is. Let him live his life. Experience is the only teacher that can make him realize what he’s lost, or what he’s gained. Just put it a side and do whats best for you. If you had a good relationship, then I’m sure there were good times that he will think about from time to time and he can’t help but want you back in his life. For the time being the best thing you can do is give him some space. You need to give him time to heal and to start missing you.