Is gift giving an obligation?

I just remembered my trips to the food bank… every food item was expired and I really loved then meat or name brand juice was handed out… I think that the next time I go shopping that I will give some name brand coke and money for chicken thighs.

When I buy a gift for a friend or someone in my family I never expect anything in return. My family doesn’t give gifts often, there is zero obligation to give one. If a gift is given it almost always is because someone came across something they thought was perfect for someone in particular, or because the person had been thinking about the other person a lot, and wanted to give them something. My family doesn’t celebrate Christmas. However, when I see my parents they always buy me things. I see them 1–3 times a year depending on the year. I buy them things more randomly, same for my sister and aunt. My family is very small.

With my husband’s family it isn’t always as pure. Gifts are bought for Christmas If we are all together, and there have been years where they really gave my husband “cheap” gifts while giving other family members gifts that obviously showed more thought, and yes a significant amount more money was spent on them. It was a slight in my opinion. We continued to give nice gifts. I think the whole opening gifts in front of everyone for Christmas is awful. For kids it’s wonderful, but among adults it can become a competition. Even if there is no competition it might be financially difficult for some and they still feel pressure. No matter what I don’t really expect anything in return, but at Christmas Eve dinner I have an expectation that everyone is giving everyone else presents.

As far as good deeds. I am a big pay it forward fan, and if I do a favor or help someone else my only hope is they help another person when they feel able or an opportunity arises.

Not always. When it doesn’t feel obligatory, it is a beautiful thing. It’s nice to give something nice to someone unsolicited, free of mutual obligation. Obligatory gift giving, duty-bound gift giving, is a reality and maybe even a necessity. But it would probably be more accurate to call this what it is: extortion.

Maybe, like other things, if all of us employed the proper taxonomy, we might be rid of it once and for all because I know of no one who would voluntarily allow themselves to be the victim in an extortion scheme.

I love giving, but not from a place of obligation. I agree, Christmas is really for kids and feeling obligated is never in the spirit of true “giving.”
I have really enjoyed downsizing Xmas the last 10 years or so, after decades of pressure from extended family. Bah Humbug! lol

It is everyones right and perogitive to join in or diss the reindeer games, don’t let anyone lay a trip on you.
Infact I only plan on buying for 3 people this year, down from 17 forever, what a great thing! haha

There was a time when we had NO money for gifts for Christmas, but in my husband’s family, gift giving was mandatory, regardless. We hit on the idea of making food to give. One year we gave loaves of homemade whole wheat bread. Another year we made mincemeat pie using the old fashioned recipe with real meat in it (that year it was venison). We refused to tell them what it was until everyone had tried it and declared it absolutely the best mincemeat pie they’d ever had. When we told them, everyone was flabbergasted.

@snowberry My ex husbands family were that way too. They were quite affluent and insisted on gift giving. My ex MIL actually said to us once when we were still in our 20’s and our daughter was around 2 years old, ” I really wish you guys made more money!” OMG!

The stress we went through for years trying to buy freaking gifts for dozens of people. I do not miss those days at all! Good call on the pie! haha

I never give gifts unless I find something I think the receiver will genuinely use and appreciate. My mom stopped giving gifts to family members when I was a kid and started doing things like “snack plates” for families and things like that…. our family is HUGE.
While I don’t think snack plates are the best alternative, I do think that family gifts are a better alternative to the indiviulaized present giving. Especially when money is tight.

I have 5 sisters and 5 brothers. Instead of giving each of them a present at christmas, I choose something I can do that will benefit all of them. Last year I made breakfast for the family. Still a sizable investment, but less than I would have spent buying each of them a gift, and still appreciated cause my family loves to eat…:)

It’s definitely not for me.

I think in the case of co-workers, teacher, school bus driver, yes, it’s an obligation.