How do you handle the unthinkable?

I’m not exactly sure what you’re asking, but it seems like an open-ended question.

Everyone is afraid of mistakes and tragedy. Sometimes mistakes can be prevented, but tragedy is inevitable.

Chaos theory and coincidence have played a big part in the outcome of my life, but if you trace the chain of events back far enough, it starts with the death of one important person. Everything since then has been like dominoes. If that person hadn’t died, or when they did, I wouldn’t have been in certain places or met certain people afterward. It’s possible that I would be a completely different person, with a different life.

It’s hard to say what kind of personal growth you get out of this, because there’s nothing to compare it to; you only have one life. OTOH, I’m the kind of person who only learns lessons the hard way. If this other life had happened, I might have been the most shallow, self-absorbed idiot of all time.

Hopefully I’ve gained some thoughtfulness from these past events. To me, thoughtfulness is a big umbrella word with a lot of other ideas inside it, like rationality, curiosity, and kindness. I don’t like patting myself on the back for that if I even have it, knowing that it was learned at the expense of others. Like, “if this person hadn’t died, my life wouldn’t have gone the way it did, and I wouldn’t have become thoughtful.”

OTOH, I wouldn’t mind going through my own hardships in exchange for thoughtfulness. Maybe it will lead me to different (better?) decisions in the future. That will certainly change the trajectory of my own future life, but hopefully I can also somehow improve the lives of others. That would be the real reward.

Beautiful answer @Haleth. I certainly benefited from reading your message, and many other replies you have made for that matter. You are most definitely not shallow and as you so adeptly pointed out we only have one life to live so we the unanswered question of what you would be like without them, well the best we can do is look back on our child self and try to extrapolate from there. Certainly a difficult and complicated endeavor with a large margin for error.

Maybe someone who remains unaffected could shed some light in this regard, should they exist.

It is an open ended question for anyone possibly still wondering.

Unbroken reads the Unthinkable. Huhhh, who woulda thunk?

Do you have irrational fears, how do you handle them and move on with your life? Yes, I make mini goals and acquire them in steps

Lol @pleiades. Maybe I should change my handle to unthinkable.

Logical approach, tell me do you ever research the core of your fears that you are taking steps to conquer? Do you seek the advice and insight of others? What about fears that don’t involve choices you make, like claustrophobia, or vertigo or so forth?

I’ve always had mixed feelings about the idea that we need to cancel out our past experiences in order to function better moving forward. They did happen and sometimes happened often. This was a valuable learning curve. However, if feelings and then illness occur because of the residual emotions that continue they have no function anymore. To function with experience is a blessing on all counts but to have a life filled with fear (emotion) is useless and no life at all. Currently I am on a waiting list for EFT and EDMR Therapy to remove emotion from past experiences that apparently have rendered me neurotic.

For me, it was the realization that life could change in an instant that helped me let go of the events of my past and the fears and insecurity that kept me from enjoying my life.

I often say that tomorrow isn’t promised to any of us, so it is up to us to make the most of here and now. Dragging around the emotional baggage of shame from abuse in my childhood, and then anger with myself for the poor choices I had made as a result of my self-loathing had me forever looking back at the ‘should-haves’ and ‘what-ifs’. I would miss life’s every day pleasures and would be blind-sided and completely leveled by so me of the larger tragedies.

Now that I’ve survived through some very difficult times, I’ve learned to forgive myself for my past mistakes, to let go of my anger at those who wronged me in my childhood, and to accept and appreciate who I am. Having lived through my trials and tribulations have given me a sense of integrity, so that the new trials and tribulations don’t seem quite as daunting. I’m still coming to terms with a chronic, debilitating condition that was diagnosed last year, but I haven’t allowed it to pull me into the depths of depression and self-pity, where I spent most of my first 40 years of this life.

How? The unthinkable, like handling the fact that we have nuclear arsenals around the world powerful enough to end everything which are in the hands of politicians, men and women and committees made up of people no wiser than myself? Stuff like that? I don’t give it a thought. There is not a goddamned thing I can do about it.

Growing up, I heard my Cliché Queen mother say over and over, “The things you worry about the most never happen.” That’s been more or less true in my experience. However…

I’ve also learned the things you don’t worry about do happen. But that’s life.

Admittedly, the older I get, the more afraid I am of more things, and there are times, especially in the middle of the night, when the fear is almost paralyzing. But with dawn’s early light, I’m usually able to shrug off whatever was bothering me and take the day as it comes. Even the things that have given me very real reason to be afraid have worked out so far, so thank Somebody for that.

Oh, this is such an easy question. Handling the unthinkable is easy. I just don’t think about it.

I have unthinkable things happen….I focus on dealing with it to the exclusion of everything else.

Global unthinkable? Like the fact that 20,000 people starve to death every single day of the year.

click here every day.

Personal unthinkable? In the past I have gone into a daze that lasted about a year.

I literally do not have regrets. I don’t understand dwelling on things past when we’re here, now.

When the unthinkable happens (which would be rare, as I’m always thinking) I just plunge ahead and trust my instincts. Much of the time I’m spot-on. Some of the time I’m wrong. Always I’m bigger and smarter.

I just found out a good friend of mine has brain cancer. He’s 29 years old. I’m not handling it well right now. It’s pretty unthinkable.

@LornaLove very insightful. Good luck with the EDMR. I remember being scared to try it several years ago. That was irrational. Hope it brings you balance and life.

@hearkat You are a survivor on many fronts. The way you talk about your past I can relate to as well as current. But it also reminds me of he heroic quests. Whether you want to use an aurthorian knight perspective, shamanism, or the Jung archetypal quests.

@Espiritus_Corvus Very good sir. I was reading an article about people who regularly follow the news tend to be more depressed and have a dimmer view of the world. It seems like you have found a way to stay informed yet not let it emotionally affect you.

@Pachyderm_In_The_Room my mother said that too. I wonder if she was always trying to cover all the bases so nothing bad ever happened because she was a notorious worrywart. I haven’t quite reached th point where I can shrug everything off in the morning. Ok I’m not even close. But when I have been most depressed and helpless feeling I always realize hey life is still going on. If I want to change my situation I have all the time in my world to do it. Otherwise I will always feel like this. I need to hold that truth a little closer.

@CWOTUS there is always a smartass :) so what do you do when the unthinkable does happen?

@Dutchess_III I am about the opposite. I focus on everything else with the exclusion of… Lol its a good way to get things done.

@YARNLADY I am glad you pulled out.

@ibstubro to be so confident. Good for you.

@Rarebear I am sorry to hear that on both fronts. But I am glad you care so much about him. That is a very valuable thing to have, people to lean on and who care when facing such matters, or for many people it has been.