Do you ever let your child win?

Probably not by twelve but at three and four, yes.

Of course not. They get utterly destroyed in every way imaginable, and then I laugh at their tears.

Yes… Why not?

I’m their parent. Thru a little softer, more sheltered environment, I let them get ready for the real world.

They have their friends and the rest of the real world to prepare them to be tough. They don’t need to solely rely on me for that.

I know my dad never let me win and he was the person I played board games and cards with most of the time. I remember a few times when I was very young being frustrated I could not win at monopoly. Never could beat him at chess. Overall, I think I learned strategy because he did not let me win though. Cards, scrabble, I would watch how he played and learn how to win myself. If he had dumbed it down it would have put me at a disadvantage when playing other people. The trick is to play games appropriate for the child’s age/ability I think, as was mentioned. Games they can quickly learn end employ good strategy.

When I was 8 I won the scrabble tournament against all the grandparents at the lodge we used to stay at in the summer in the Catskills. If the adults had always let me win I don’t know if I would have been able to do that.

I guess my grandparents never let me win either. Because my paternal grandfather used to always beet me at checkers, and my maternal grandfather almost always beat me at gin.

Games for young children are more about chance, like Candyland, so the fairness is just statistics basically, and not really skill or strategy.

When they were little, of course I did, pretty fucking pathetic if you beat them at say a fun little running race, or hide & seek. As they get older it’s important for them to value winning & how to earn it, but to never let them win marks a parent out as, well…confused.

When my kids were young I did. I also didn’t aim at their head or throw as hard as I could when participating in snowball fights.
Now they are adults with their own lives. Occasionally I still let them win by having them be experts in certain areas. I do not need to know or do everything.

I used to let her win at games when she was small. Now, its too obvious and she beats me anyway. As far as I remember she has never made a big deal about whether she wins or loses. She was always made to realize that games were meant for fun and there would always be a winner and loser and we must accept it graciously.

Winning isn’t that important. When the kids were young if I could beat them easily I sometimes let them win. It was just a game after all and I didn’t want them to feel discouraged. When we were more evenly matched we played for real. PS Cribbage is a great game. I used to play it with my grandfather.

It entirely depends on the child. A young kid with low self-esteem, I would let win once in a while, to show him he does have a chance. Age appropriate games are not always an option if you have more than one child.
Anyway, I think there is a lesson in letting your child win, too. Losing graciously has to be learned, and if you’re willing to let your kid be the winner, you’re showing that it’s not the game that’s important to you – it’s the time spent with your child.

When my daughter was very young I would let her win. As she got a little older I would stretch her by playing to win but only by a tiny margin, but it wasn’t long before she was winning on her own merit.

^ A little bit of this.

We also have a fair amount of those cooperative board games. But more often than not, many of our standard, non-cooperative games turn cooperative. We work together to solve the problem. The “problem” isn’t “how do I win?”. It is “how do I determine the best move to play here”.

My 11-year-old can outright beat me in Scrabble. But there are times that she’ll stop me and ask, “are you sure you want to play that word? There is a place you can play that for more points.”

Then we go and read the Marx-Engels Reader together.~

Yep, when they were little I let them win. I don’t see how it hurt them and it provided them encouragement. They didn’t win every single time, but they got their share of W’s. I used the wins and the losses to help them learn sportsmanship – a bad winner is just as bad as a sore loser as far as I’m concerned. Now that they are older there isn’t much left it would have to let them win, even if I was so inclined (which I am not at this point).

When he was really little, sure, but as he got older, no. I am not a believer of that whole every kid gets a trophy crap. What, exactly, does that teach them? Nothing!

Hm. Well, I agree that you just can’t wipe the floor with a 6 year old. I taught my son to shoot pool when he was about that age. Had him up on a chair. I was good enough to consistently win money in bars and clubs, against some really good players so of course I backed waaay off when it came to playing a 6 year old. Mostly what I did was attempt very difficult shots, like multiple bank shots, etc. instead of taking the straight-on route. I was able to do my best, and get some practice in, knowing that I probably wouldn’t make it. He has been kicking my butt, fair and square, since he was 13. I created a monster!

I also taught him and his sister how to play poker when they were about 6 and 8. From the get-go sister would try to draw into flushes because they were pretty, and Chris would try to draw into straights because he’s linear like that. Between them, they beat me fair and square most of the time.
I’ll never forget Corrie chirping “I got one of mine and one of Chris!” I looked at her hand. She had a straight flush. :/

Oh, and I’ll kick all ya’ll’s butt in tether ball!!

”From the get-go sister would try to draw into flushes because they were pretty…” This made me laugh.

maaaaaan my dad would never let me win >_< he says not letting me win boosted my competitive spirit lol. I would play him for HOURS until I finally beat him. If he let me win, I always knew it and would be mad because that means I have nothing to be proud of

My ex and I went to some friend’s house one evening. They had an 8 year old son. They also had a ping pong table. My ex played the 8 year old, and just waxed him. My ex was so proud of himself. I thought it was disgusting. I said something about it and he proudly said, “I don’t let nobody beat me at NOTHIN’! I give everything my best, always!”

That same couple and me and my ex played tennis once. It was girls against guys. They won, but not by a whole lot. My ex was strutting around. He said something to his partner like, “We played a helluva game, didn’t we!”
Our friend said, “Well, we played against two women, and one of them is 7 months pregnant (me) and they almost beat us. Not sure there is anything to brag about there.”

Those are a couple of examples of why he eventually became my ex.

Okay back to a computer. Let me elaborate: I only started beating her at games once she was old enough to understand the concept of winning. I didn’t try to beat her at, say, peek-a-boo. And we always played age appropriate games. I wouldn’t try to play Chess when she was 5, but I was ruthless at Candyland.

@whitenoise I disagree, obviously. A parent can prepare them for the real world and their friends by not coddling them to give them a falsely elevated sense of self-esteem.

@jleslie I taught my daughter Gin Rummy a few months ago and now she beats me about 50% of the time.

@ucme Hide and seek is not a competitive game. It’s an elaborate peek-a-boo. What I am talking about is age appropriate stuff. I wouldn’t wrestle, throw her to the ground, and then stomp around saying, “I win, I win.” That’s inappropriate. But now, I will race her, and she will always win (if swimming). Unless I cheat, of course.

@flutherother I’m teaching my kid cribbage now.

For everybody else, I’d basically just be repeating myself.

@Rarebear Nowhere in the question or details do you exclusively state competitive games as your base for discussion. “I’ve never let her win at anything”
I therefore included all games that we play with our kids from an early age.

When the daycare played hide and seek I’d help them. Two outstanding hides stand out in my mind. One I in a closet, put big oversized galoshes on his feet and arranged a hanging coat in front of them. They never did find the kid. I think he’s still there.

The other, I stuck a kid under the cushions of the couch. The springs sagged a little so it just leveled out the cushion instead of humping it up. That kid is still there too.

@ucme Which is why I said in my follow up comment, “Let me elaborate”

@Rarebear Well yeah, a case of after the horse had bolted if ever there was.
Still, we’re more than likely done here so…

Just a note: hypercompetitiveness is a sign of psychopathy.

Interesting @Patton. We should all have brain scans before we’re allowed to get married!

@Dutches_III
I read that as… It shows how important loving, caring parenting is. It can even change potential psychopaths into contributing citizens.