(NSFW) What are some of your best/funniest/worst sexual experiences?

Ooh, I’ve done the jalepeno thing. Not an experience I’d like to repeat.

She said, “Wow! This really is your first time.”
(And that’s all I’m going to say about that.)

Oh dear…@LuckyGuy
Been there. Lol.

The truth? A combo of all three for just about every one of ‘em.

Well speaking of jalepeno and genitals, don’t ever use bug dope.

@emjay She didn’t believe me until we ended up between the sheets. Then she knew I spoke the truth.

Anyone else have a container malfunction with K-Y Yours+Mine Couple’s Lubricant? Bleeeecch! Get me a raincoat and a garden hose so I can hose this yuk off!

I got inspired to enjoy my husband while he was driving. I turned to face the seat, then straddled him. I was wearing a skirt…............ we got pulled over. The cop was good enough to take his time leaving his car, so we could “sort” things out. He took off his hat, so we breathed a sigh of relief. He got to the car chuckling. He said,” I thought up until now I’d seen everything. Folks, let’s don’t do this anymore.”

@Jonesn4burgers I must admit my curiosity has been piqued. So how could he still see well enough to drive? (.....not that I was thinking about trying this or anything lol)

The best sex is waking up to a pleasant surprise, unless you’re in prison :(

The only one I can think of is when my husband and I decided to try Trojan Fire & Ice condoms. Horrible, horrible product. We had to stop in the middle of having sex to switch to our normal condoms because it was so painful.

My husband had a bad experience before we met with a girl with a rank crotch. It didn’t stop him from getting a couple of mediocre blowjobs from her though. Young, horny, and desperate are a bad combination. He doesn’t like to talk about it anymore.

In high school when my boyfriend licked my ear and gave me an ear infection. His saliva was crusty and I had no idea how to tell him so I broke up with him. He would leave a white crusty residue on my face Uck.

@LuckyGuy… I’ve heard bad things about that stuff! Fire and Ice condoms, too, @livelovelaugh21.
@Judi… Crusty is never good. Ever. Lol. (Unless it has to do with baked goods, then it might be okay.)

@emjay @livelaughlove21 Call me old fashioned but neither Fire nor Ice are things I want applied to my genitals.
Warm and Wet on the other hand…

One bad experience was when I was going to have a foursome. The person I was seeing was bisexual, mainly he preferred men. (He wasn’t a boyfriend, just someone I was having casual sex with). He wanted a lesbian friend and his gay friend to join us. I was up for it. It was supposed to start off with me and the girl. I already knew her, she was a nice girl. Just not attractive. I couldn’t go further than kissing and her touching my breasts. I left the house, and never spoke to the others again. I was embarrassed that I couldn’t go through with it. I have never had sex with a girl, and I have a high sex drive and I thought I could do it. Maybe if she was attractive, then I could of, who knows?

My late mother, a very conservative woman, and prone to excessive worry about what would become of me, caught me in the act when (she thought) I was too young. With the daughter of friends of my parents. She was horrified. Pretty awkward.

@Lornalove, I feel like physical attraction does have a lot to do with who we end up with, whether people want to admit it or not.

@josie , never been caught, but my boyfriend and I once were getting hot and heavy behind a gas station. After we finished up I ran inside to buy him some cigarettes with my oh-so-lovely sex hair. My ex fiance’s parents were in the gas station and definately gave me an awkward stare. Got out of there as fast as possible!

Blowjob in a very dark car, two very inexperienced guys, there was a bit of unfortunate mess. It didn’t bode well for the future at the time, but we got better. :)

@emjay the males never get this! Whether the judgement is real or we just feel guilty I never wanted to see parents right after.

And I remembered a tragedy. There was this Indian guy I was seeing first night we tried to have sex he did this hot flippy thing. Where he would just lithely pick me up or flip me.

Problem is I was a little in shock and beyond that he never gave warning. So we my foot caught his dick once and it started bleeding profusely.

He had to go to the doc. We did try it one more time but he still wasn’t healed. I was intrigued but I don’t know why he was up for round 2. I was also very mortified.

There’s nothing & I do mean nothing that puts a bloke off his stroke like a pool ball gear knob attempting to intrude your anus!!
Humping in the car should come with a government health warning.

@Unbroken, how does that happen?? Yikes. Luckily, my bf totally understood my rush to leave.
Also, he used to be an EMT, and told me this story about a guy who got his dick caught in a screen door trying to have sex with it. I can’t even…

I recently tried a new style of vibrator with my partner. I have never been the same since. I had a UTI for five months and I am still not quite right! Every time we walk past that shop where I bought it we look at each other and go white!

@LornaLove, weird! Wonder what the deal was there.

@LornaLove Scary!

@emjay It was a years ago and frankly I had almost forgotten about it. I’m not sure how it happened. He was flipping me from my back to sideways in one move which I was just kind of just experiencing. And then my foot was trapped between his legs and my leg bent and I was wai….. And he was holy fuuuc… And there was a warm gush. And I grabbed towels and I ended taking him to er and fleeingand making sure they saw him right away. And then I fled….. Yeah that sounds awful..

I’ll just say I was never a fan of anal sex but I tried it and hated it. I am a male.

I don’t want even a minute particle of that stuff on me.

@Blackberry, yeah that can get nasty!! If you’re careful and clean about it though, its not so bad.

@Blackberry use a rubber. But if you don’t like anal sex at all for other reasons, then nevermind that.

After having sex in a car while parked in a park, I had a policeman come up to the window. I slid over, into the drivers seat and had both legs in one leg of a pair of sweat pants, when he tapped on the window. The only thing I could think to say was “How fast was I going?”

Busted by cops in truck, dude tried me & besty so I bailed, double date where besty had sex & me n date heard & felt wei

Having sex on my horse with a boyfriend years ago. My mare decided to step out briskly for a new patch of grass in the hills we were riding in. We both fell, conjoined at a critical moment.
I thought his penis would break off for sure. haha

Lent a whole new meaning to riding bareback. lol

@Coloma Wow. I feel uncomfortable having sex with a pet in the same room, let alone on top of one. I’m not entirely sure how that could work…

@livelaughlove21 It worked fine, both of us stradling her face to face, until she trotted off. haha
It was all good until she exhausted her patch of grass. lol

My mother walked in on me masturbating when I was 13, and caught me having sex when I was 15. The timing of that woman!

Teenage boyfriend and I were getting hot and heavy behind a school at night, and nearly got run over by a security guard’s car.

Husband and I have broken our bed during sex. Twice. The last time it happened, we kept right on going until one side of the bed fell completely to the floor and rolled us right off. Then we were laughing too hard and gave up.

@cutiepi92 , No problem there. He is 11 inches taller than me. When I sat astride his lap we pretty much levelled out. I could put my chin on his shoulder, and he could see fine over mine. We were both thin thenn, and he had real long legs, so there was plenty of room from the steering wheel. I wasn’t trying to score a goal, so there was no jumping.

@Coloma makes me wish my love was not suspect of horses… that sounds better than sex in an old Scottish castle. (I’m not comparing… oh.. shit… I am…. damn it!)

I don’t have any embarrassing stories, really, other than my very first, where I was bleeding and didn’t realise it. Why didn’t anyone tell me how much one bleeds when the hymen is broken? Geez. Real life simply is awkward at times.

Oh wait… I called my first boyfriend I slept with by one of his friend’s names when we were in the throws of it….. that is a long, boring story… but I apologise to this day for that.

After being in a horrible relationship that I unwillingly conceived my daughter I finally had the guts to leave.
At the age of 17 I jumped into the arms of friend I had known for a few months. And the first time I had sex with him I started regretting my decision so I said no, and tried to push him off at that moment I simultaneously had a miscarriage. I started think he is really hurting me and why is it so wet so I stuck my hand down there, I felt like Carrie.

The worst part was I realized that this guy had no feeling towards the fact that something was wrong with me. I never really had any guidance or confidence in my life until I got older when it came to men and women relationships and when I finally started looking for “the one” I was misconstrued, I was humiliated and that is one more day added to what subsequently drove me for a lot of years into many dark places, anyway that’s off course, I ended up running to the bathroom because I had this urge to push something out and in my junior moment I had no clue what was happening, now in my later years I can look back and say that there in the toilet laid a small hand sized bean shaped embryo, and now I will never forget that day when I flushed my baby down the toilet.

@KaY_Jelly Wow.

Jesus, that’s terrible, @KaY_Jelly . I’m sorry.

I’m doing better now.

I definitely do not let those chains bind me anymore.

I broke free from that.

I had a special person in my life that taught me and helped me through, saved my life and really gave his life for mine. We didn’t get to be together for as long as we wanted, only for a short time but I gained enough experience for a lifetime. No need to be sorry @emjay. :)

@KaY_Jelly How did you know it was a daughter from a bean shaped embroyo the size of your hand? How far along were you in your pregnancy? If the fetus was the size of your hand that would have been at least 5 months along and no longer “bean shaped” I’d think.

@Coloma Well that’s because I’m talking about different occasions.

I didn’t know the sex of the miscarried baby.

But I do have a daughter now very much alive and she was unwillingly conceived in a relationship, not that I would even call it that, more like I was hostage, but before I was with the guy I was actually talking about I was in that horrible hostage/relationship, I don’t really want to get into the details but after I finally found a chance to get out I did and that’s why I thought I was ok to run into my supposed friends arms, I know its complicated.

I can’t think of anything other than reaching for Vasoline…in the dark…and grabbing (and applying) Vicks Vapo-rub instead.

Vaseline as a sexual lubricant? Sounds like a huge, nasty mess.

It is if you’re doing it right.

I’ll pass. I don’t need lube but if I did, it would be water based only. There’s nothing sexy about a broken condom and a yeast infection.

Girl was giving me a blow job and I accidentally whizzed in her mouth…...Talk about embarrassment to a whole new level.

@Eggie Oh. Did she knock you off a wall and were they able to put you together again? lol

@Eggie Are you plumbed correctly? It was impossible for me to urinate when I had an erection. And when I was 18 even thinking about a BJ in the shower would give me an erection.

@LuckyGuy I thought that I was about to cum, and when I get that feeling, it always feels like I want to pee. I had blowjobs before and I felt the same way, but white came out only this time I got the yellow…..

Next time, pee before you tryst. Both of you will be happier.